To feel ugly?

[1wokeuplikethis]

It’s sort of crept up on me but I suddenly feel like I look ugly. I lost my looks after my first baby and my face has noticeabley changed looking at pre-pregnancy photos but I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly.

My nose is my biggest confidence zapper, it’s big and wonky and fat at the bottom and only seems to get bigger. But my whole face seems lopsided.

I’m only mid-30s but when I was in my twenties I was a real looker, always turned heads and felt confident that I was pretty.

Other than the physical changes since having kids, I found the first couple of years of parenthood really shocking. The worry and fears that anything could happen to harm my baby, the overwhelming guilt about EVERYTHING, the anxiety (I had a very demanding firstborn) and I was so absorbed in this fear borne of love that I remember feeling like I’d lost part of my identity; I wasn’t funny any more, i went from quick-witted to dumbstruck, I didn’t have time for myself and also suddenly a lot of things and people seemed too unimportant to care about if that makes sense. I went very serious.

Anyway, my eldest has grown a few years and I’m fairly confident at my parenting and I make time for myself now and I feel secure in ‘who I am’ for the most part, but suddenly I feel embarrassingly ugly to look at. I also had my long hair cut short recently because my hair went crazy and unmanageable but now I feel like I hate that too. Unless it isn’t and wasn’t my hair, it’s just me.

I know it’s terribly self indulgent and vapid to blether about my looks and plenty more significant things are happening all around, but I really feel down about this. How can I go from a stunner to a gargoyle in about 8 years?

Has anybody else’s face changed since pregnancy and the responsibility that goes with having babies? I do my make up every day, not loads but enough for me, I try and dress nicely, which I think I manage, but my face...I haven’t felt this way since I was a spotty, awkward 14 year old.

Are you being unnecessarily hard on yourself? What does your partner think? May be get hair extensions. Short hair def draws more attention to your face.

Oh love. No advice but I’m sorry you’re feeling bad about yourself. I have a lot of bad days and I totally get what you mean and it isn’t vapid xx

Though hair-wise: mine is terrible naturally and looks awful straightened but my Babyliss Big Hair has been a life changer.

I have a babyliss big hair in the cupboard, used it once but couldn’t get the hang of it. Maybe I’ll try it again.

My husband said I’m beautiful which is lovely. But he didn’t notice that I put on 5 stone in pregnancy because it happened gradually so I’m not sure he is a good judge of this!

How can I go from a stunner to a gargoyle in about 8 years?

I feel like iv done just that in 4 years op. I have thought the exact same thing (even down to my nose getting bigger, how strange!)
I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling like this!

Looking through old photos kills me. I had my dd in my mid twenties. She is now 4 and I look so ugly in comparison.
My nose is growing!! My hair doesn't fall as nicely and my face is just less pretty.
It's horrible. You're not alone.
But, look around at the school gates if you're kids school is anything like mine none of the mums are exactly Kate Moss. We're all in this together with bigger fish to fry!!

Side note - some times a little fake tan, the very subtle moisturiser type makes me feel slightly better. Could be worth a try.

Apparently your nose and ears never stop growing so I really am fucked.

I’m sure everybody feels low about themselves occasionally or has a blip, there’s just so many other things to beat myself up about I’m almost surprised that I’ve stooped this low on myself.

Fake tan is a great idea. I accidentally bought the wrong shade foundation before Xmas and been looking v pasty. But haven’t actually bothered to buy the correct one, just keep putting it on and then going ‘meh’ every time I glimpse a mirror.

Strangely enough my nose seems huge now.
I too keep feeling beleaguered and somewhat down about losing my looks; this wretched ten year difference on Facebook was a huge wake up call!!!
I still do my make up daily but everything just seems different and lack lustre.

bit of facial yoga might help you feel better?

I know this sounds weird (!!) but I do the odd facial yoga pose while I go to the loo and washing my hands...a minute or so each time seems to add up! seems a good time to kill two birds with one stone otherwise I forget or can't be bothered. That woman looks amazing for her age.

A bit of facial massage as well while you're putting on moisturiser.

What about dermarolling, that's meant to be great for collagen repair if you've lost some of your facial "fat" as it were.

That said I am sure you are beautiful OP. It's hard after having kids. I'm still not back to normal but now DD is 6 I have more time to look after myself again and feel a bit better. Tiny steps towards self care add up. x

I think you might need to be out in the world as you,not the mum, if that makes sense. My confidence went when I was at home with children. Having to make an effort about my appearance helped to improve it.

PS how is your hairline? If it's thinning at all there are things you can do to help it grow back... I lost a lot of hair post partum but have found natural ways to help it come back. If it's thinning it can make everything else look weird.

It took me a while to get the hang of it but now I feel like fat, feral Kate Middleton. Until it rains.

Do you think you could treat yourself a bit? Facial and a fake tan? Even if it’s just the once just to make yourself feel a bit boosted? I don’t wear a lot of make up either but a friend of mine is a make up artist artist who has a Facebook group of tips and products etc. and I’ve done little things like bought a different shade of eyeliner and stuff to wear every so often and she’s helped me with skin care things that have made a difference and just made me feel better about myself. If you’d like the link I can PM you.

OP, I bet you look lovely and your DP thinks your beautiful, I think you’re just feeling a bit low. Xxx

I get what you mean. I had my babies in my late twenties and now I'm early 30s. I feel like I've lost my spark and fresh-facedness. I'm also around 3 stone heavier than when I got married so that's not helping. And my tummy is all saggy post-kids. What really gets me down is I don't have time to make changes to my appearance. I'm busy working or looking after the DC. It's demoralising sometimes.

You're not ugly, you've just lost a bit of self esteem.
You mention weight gain, is it possible to do some light floor exercise each day? Just a few minutes, then have a shower and do your hair etc. That may make you feel a little more positive about yourself.
Your husband thinks you're fab, please don't do yourself down.
Besides, beauty comes from within. You are NOT ugly.

Thank you. Your post has made me well up, what you’ve said is so kind. I’m not having a good day.

If you could PM me the link I’d love that yes please, anything to help.

Does anyone know a good fake tan for your face? Is everyone using those drop things now? I’m sure I’ve heard about clarins something drops.

My kids being a little bit older & having a supportive husband does allow me time to myself and to feel like myself. I have a sociable hobby away from anything to do with children and is with just women and it makes me feel great to be there/do that as I’m a SAHM at the mo and so being with adults is rather limited.

I feel exactly the same OP! Funnily enough I looked at myself the other day and thought my nose looked bigger! How odd! I was lovely in my 20s and I'm now 33 and feel like I look haggard, I know I do because ppl tell me lol

OP I’m sure you’re not ugly! It sounds like it’s a lack of self esteem which can always be built back up!

If you dislike your short hair I’d recommend buying some human hair extensions clip in ones, they will give you obvious length and make your hair thicker. I wear them and nobody ever realises it’s not my natural hair and it’s not as harsh on your scalp as normal extensions. Plus it’s a lot cheaper! I get mine from eBay (people have their own shops on there) and it’s around £40-£60 depending on the type and length you buy. If you have really short hair I’d recommend a mid length one. Could be worth asking your hairdresser to blend them in too, mine usually does and doesn’t charge me for it either.

Fake tan wise I use skinny tan on my face and body (no idea if you should) but I like it, smother yourself init the night before and then shower the next day and it never goes streaky and smells like coconut so bonus! Superdrug sell it it’s around the £20 mark but sometimes is on offer which is when I stock up. St Moriz is a decent cheap one too however I wouldn’t use that on your face it can go a little orange.

I’d also maybe think about buying a few nice pieces for your wardrobe or new lingerie? Little things like those always make me feel a little better in myself. If could be a nice bright scarf which is different to your usual style maybe?

And finally, have you thought about getting your make up done professionally? Mac / benefit in boots offer the make up service and they can show you how to buy the right products for your skin/eye shadows to highlight your eyes etc. I’m sure it’s around £20 and you usually get a voucher towards buying a product. I usually use a local make up artist for a fancy event etc. if that’s a better option for you too.

I do hope you feel better and are kinder to yourself

Will do now. Also fake tan moisturiser for your face - San Tropez gradual stuff is brill, no streaks but it’s suddenly made me very spotty.

Try smiling at yourself every time you see a mirror. You'll look a lot nicer with a smile on your face, and the face smiling back at you gives an uplift to the spirits. It's not a cure, but it'll help a bit.

@MereDintofPandiculation this is excellent advice! Even though I then spend the next half hour critiquing how I smile.

Things that work for me (late 30s)- losing weight (this has been the single biggest change that has made me so much more confident), teeth whitening (trays from the dentist), babyliss big hair, having my lashes curled (makes me look more alive as I am very pale), drinking lots of water (this has really improved my skin). Can't use fake tan as I have super sensitive skin but I know it works for lots of people.

Well I feel a bit better today after have a little bit of a spree. Got some new clothes that made me feel great as soon as I put them on and treated myself to some tanning drops that go in your normal face/body moisturiser so that might give my face a bit of a boost.

I do like the idea of going to a make up counter and having a consultation, definitely banking that for when I have pennies again.

Thank you to everyone who replied and lifted me up on a bad day, as well as the solid advice/recommendations

Don’t get too caught up on the physical stuff... focus on your confidence self esteem and self worth first of all... Do things that make you happy..