To feel ugly?

[1wokeuplikethis]

It’s sort of crept up on me but I suddenly feel like I look ugly. I lost my looks after my first baby and my face has noticeabley changed looking at pre-pregnancy photos but I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly.

My nose is my biggest confidence zapper, it’s big and wonky and fat at the bottom and only seems to get bigger. But my whole face seems lopsided.

I’m only mid-30s but when I was in my twenties I was a real looker, always turned heads and felt confident that I was pretty.

Other than the physical changes since having kids, I found the first couple of years of parenthood really shocking. The worry and fears that anything could happen to harm my baby, the overwhelming guilt about EVERYTHING, the anxiety (I had a very demanding firstborn) and I was so absorbed in this fear borne of love that I remember feeling like I’d lost part of my identity; I wasn’t funny any more, i went from quick-witted to dumbstruck, I didn’t have time for myself and also suddenly a lot of things and people seemed too unimportant to care about if that makes sense. I went very serious.

Anyway, my eldest has grown a few years and I’m fairly confident at my parenting and I make time for myself now and I feel secure in ‘who I am’ for the most part, but suddenly I feel embarrassingly ugly to look at. I also had my long hair cut short recently because my hair went crazy and unmanageable but now I feel like I hate that too. Unless it isn’t and wasn’t my hair, it’s just me.

I know it’s terribly self indulgent and vapid to blether about my looks and plenty more significant things are happening all around, but I really feel down about this. How can I go from a stunner to a gargoyle in about 8 years?

Has anybody else’s face changed since pregnancy and the responsibility that goes with having babies? I do my make up every day, not loads but enough for me, I try and dress nicely, which I think I manage, but my face...I haven’t felt this way since I was a spotty, awkward 14 year old.

The only reason I don't feel depressed about my looker to gargoyle transformation is that my eyesight has got much worse with age so I only look in the mirror without my glasses and I look fab!

Ha dimsum!!

I feel like this some days. I found anti ageing serums from the ordinary actually revived my face

I second lash lift and tint so good makes a real difference

OP Don’t know if this helps, but I have a wonky conk too! One hell of a wonk! I’ve been referred to ENT to have it straightened. Is this an option for you? It’s actually the second referral. My first the consultant said I had 3 breaks in my nose. No idea how🤷🏻‍♀️ But I chickened out of surgery. I went back recently, seen a new GP and asked, and he went mmmm, I faced him straight on, and lifted my head so he could see my nostrils and he said ‘I’ll make that referral right away!’🤣.

It also makes me snore very loudly! Every few weeks, dp’s siblings and nieces and nephews all get together and cook and then stick a film on. I always fall asleep- dp has to keep waking me up as I snore so loud no one can heat the tv!🙈 luckily I have no shame lol

Bless you huggles that sounds unbearable! It’s great you have your referral, go for it & don’t be scared; it’ll improve your life (and those in earshot if you!)

Mine does have a break in it but is also hereditary so I’m not sure I’d get any referral. I have considered a nose job but think it really hanged a persons face and whilst I’m bemoaning mine here (!) it frightens me wondering how different I would look.

Goodness, you have put my feelings into words....even down to the fact you now feel dumbstruck whereas once you felt more eloquent.

As my dc get older (now 3 & 4, so still very little but not babies anymore) I am getting a bit better at self care: the odd facial when I can afford it, the occasional new item of clothing thay's good quality and really lovely.

I work part time which helps on the mind side of things. I am very envious of natural beauties who need no make up-it really is my preferred look but I know, hand on heart, that I look so much better if I spend five to ten minutes a day on some feature enhancing make up.

I have just signed up to finish my masters which I am daunted by but excited about in equal measure; use my mind again.

I think even those of us not bless with typical beauty can cultivate an aura of grace and elegance just by picking a few nice accessories and clothes with basic grooming and a lovely shade of lippy.

Good luck.

This has made me sad because I find it hard to believe OP is ugly in any sense. You have lost confidence which is very common after a baby. Most of the advice you have been given seems to be about changing something about your looks. I would say you probably need to change how you feel about your looks. Looks don't make you happy despite whT SOCIAL MEDIA TELLS YOU. Yes looks change all the time, not usually for the better. You are loved. I am almost 70 and was a good looking 20, 30 and 40. Now I am actually definitely ugly but it really doesn't matter much. I am loved. It was nice being a pretty girl but now I have the choice of being a grumpy sour old woman yearning for my youthful looks or get pleasure in seeing my good looking children and their partners and the absolute beauty of their young children. You are focussing on the wrong thing, Ask yourself why does it matter just now? What makes it feel better? If changing your look, ok, but don't mask something else that might be lowering your spirit

Can you imagine a man writing this post? Society has not done us any favours if our self worth is tied so tightly to our looks

Things that have helped me since having two DCs:

-Getting a good hair style and maintaining it. I only go to the hair dressers every 3 months so not much of a spend and I use baliage (probably spelt that v wrong!) to lighten the ends so have only had it coloured once a year. I wash it every other two days and straighten the fronts or curl it into loose waves depending on time. That lasts two days. I used to just scape it back.

• on my commute I do my make up, and always wear a bright lipstick which has really helped my confidence as I always feel fairly smart.
• I’ve invested in some clothes that suit my shape (wrap mid dresses as I have a small waist but wide hips!) jumpsuits are also a favourite for me, and some other key pieces. I’m really loving New Look atm, and they always have a sale.

However, I’m back at work full time with a 1 year old and 4 year old so further along that you. I didn’t ever get back to myself after my first but made sure I prioritised myself a bit too.

Good luck OP!

Maybe you weren't as 'stunning' as you think? Not being mean, but maybe you were just normally attractive, pretty etc. You've probably gone from pretty to differently pretty. I'm 45 and have seen maybe a handful of 'stunning' women in my entire life. You probably over estimated yourself then and are consequently underestimating yourself now. You're normal. We all are it does suck. But you aren't ugly!

I felt confident in my looks for about 20 minutes at about age 25. Since then I've had two kids and much stress. My youngest also helpfully (and accidentally) headbutted me in my (already large) nose a few years ago so now it is wonky as well as huge.
My eyes have bags underneath, my hair is more grey than brown and I just look generally like boiled shite.
BUT I have a teen daughter and for her sake I want to project a positive image. I also want to do it for myself and mean it.
I've bought some make up, new boots and try to do my hair nicely most days. It feels shit to think you look like shit but I tend to think other people wouldn't notice half the things we beat ourselves up about and so I try and focus on the parts of myself that I think others would say are my better features and try and ignore the other ones.
I think it is so important to feel confident in how you look, it affects how you feel and how you behave to others.

Op.,you said you ga ined five stone during pregnancy, have you lost this?

In my experience things that make my face look fatter,

Well, weight gain obviously
Booze - can make me look mysteriously.puffier and fuller faced.
Too many carbs - they call it carb face, that rounded look.
A hair cut. - a different look. Can make our faces look fatter or thinner and emphasise different features,

I’ve never been a looker but I look in the mirror now and think my face has gone even more to pot!! I’m the wrong side of 45 and I feel I’ve massively aged in past couple of years. Dry, bumpy skin, start of turkey neck, just look ugh! Even my hair has dried out (wash about every 5 days as doesn’t get greasy now).

I feel for you, op! Having kids really does age you, especially the anxiety and worry than comes with it.

I feel exactly the same. Worse still, my skin has gotten worse and I’m now allergic to hair dye, so have to walk round with a spotty, tired face and dishwater hair.

I completely understand what you mean about being too serious. I’ve lost so much of the person I was

I always looked young for my age, not a wrinkle in sight before I had dd! She's 4 now and I swear I've aged 10 years since she was born.. I used to get ALOT of sleep before she came along so I put it down to that. And well I am 33 so its to be expected I suppose. Its just weird seeing my face like this.. my nose has gotten bigger too!! What's that all about!? 🤣
I so wish I knew how attractive I was when I was younger. I gave myself such a hard time and looking back I was lovely, albeit i had zero style and was more of a tom boyish hippy type but still, I've love to go back to then but have the style I've adopted now. Sigh. Id have been a knock out!

The ordinary has cheap skincare that actually works. Figure out your skins needs and devise a routine. It makes a huge difference.

I don't really like the name, but the 'princessing' threads on here are really good at motivating me to care for myself more. Having a daily reminder to moisturise, do my nails etc really helps me. I am not a groomed person particularly.

I've been running a lot and have lost weight which had increased my confidence loads, but more importantly it's given me a little sparkle back in my eyes and my skin looks better and younger. I think it's the daily fresh air and the stress relief of exercise- could you get out for a brisk walk or other exercise every day?

I've now got a hairstyle that suits my slightly bohemian scruffy style so I can just wash it and scrunch it rather than have to style it properly. Plus I went through my wardrobe and binned everything that was tatty, scruffy, didn't fit or suit me, and made a list of basics I needed then trawled charity shops for them (eg jeans, jacket, dress, coat etc) until i could afford to buy new.