AIBU to ask for a handhold? (May be triggering - mention of stillbirth and miscarriage).

[PengThePenguin]

I'm worried and desperately need a hand hold

Currently pregnant with 3rd DC.

Our first baby was stillborn in May 2017, which was obviously devastating but that's a whole other thread...
DC2 was born in July 2018 (happy & healthy) and I am now approximately 10 weeks pregnant with DC3.

I've already had an early scan due to some bleeding at around 7 weeks. The sonographer said the baby looked ok, heartbeat present and that there was an area of bleeding above the baby and she thought this may be due to implantation. I asked if it was likely for me to get more bleeding and she said she couldn't really say either way.

Fast forward a little and me and DH had sex (now about 2 weeks ago) and I bled quite a bit afterwards. Difficult to quantify as I bled over night and it was dried by the morning but it continued for a while. It seemed to slow and I was just getting the brown old blood in stringy type discharge.

Now over the weekend just gone I have started bleeding again. I lost a fair amount of watery type brown blood which I wasn't too concerned about but I'm now having red watery stuff when I wipe and this morning really stringy stuff that looks like snot and blood (grim).

I'm booked in at the EPU on Thursday for a scan but I'm absolutely dreading it and so scared it's going to be bad news. Having lost a baby at 38 weeks, I don't know that I can go through another loss, although I know that's the risk you take.

I'm worried beyond belief but trying not to let it get on top of me.

Does anyone have any positive stories similar to this with a good outcome?

Thanks for reading.

I instantly knew I wanted the tattoo of my boy's footprints but I'm undecided about this one as we didn't have a name and obviously there is nothing like hand or footprints to remind us of him or her.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you decide on a name without knowing the sex of the baby? Did you have one in mind already?

You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, @TadaTralala I was just curious as I'd like a name for our baby too.

Maybe I'll just call "her" Snow.

If you can wait until
The autumn you could plant up a big pot of crocuses and snowdrops. Crocus come up first then snowdrops ( both around about now bringing hope of better tunes to come)
You can't go wrong with these bulbs and they'll come back each year.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dd had two miscarriages before her son and I've lost a child too. I know your pain

Better times not tunes

To be honest I was think of just buying a pot ready made I'm a bit shit at all things gardening. I thought if I bought a ready established one it may be easier(?)

Big hugs Penguin. My sister in law chose a piece of jewellery that to her that meant she had something physical and tangible with her to hold or touch when she needed. Sending you lots of love, I'm really sorry you're going through this loss. If it helps my DB & SIL just decided themselves whether their babies were boys or girls and named them. Xxxx

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for your loss I just wanted to tell you something that I read a while ago, which is that when a woman becomes pregnant, some of her baby's cells stay in her body forever, so in a way a part of your baby is always with you. Studies have been done that have shown cells from babies in every part of their mother, even in their heart. I hope that brings you a tiny bit of comfort xxx

That's amazing @quarterpast what a lovely thing to cherish.

I have an ashes into glass ring made from my son's ashes. I think with him, because I gave birth to him and he was a 7lb 2oz baby, it felt like a huge loss, I had seen him and touched him, kissed his face and held his hands. I needed something physically with me, which is why I had the ring made.

With this loss it feels kind of different but the same. I only ever saw the little heartbeat on a screen and that's the only memory I have. I feel as though I've lost something before I had it. It's a weird feeling.

If you’re not able to keep plants alive (me either!!) then could you get another tattoo, maybe of a snowdrop or a flower which would’ve been flowering at the due date?

Other thoughts are a candle, to give you light and time to think.

Hope you find something significant for you.

I've already been thinking and designing a tattoo, thinking of a little snowdrop ❤️

*been thinking about

So sorry for your loss. If you did want to name 'her' what about Eira, it is welsh for snow x

That's lovely @hannahbanana2007 , thank you xx