AIBU to ask for a handhold? (May be triggering - mention of stillbirth and miscarriage).

[PengThePenguin]

I'm worried and desperately need a hand hold

Currently pregnant with 3rd DC.

Our first baby was stillborn in May 2017, which was obviously devastating but that's a whole other thread...
DC2 was born in July 2018 (happy & healthy) and I am now approximately 10 weeks pregnant with DC3.

I've already had an early scan due to some bleeding at around 7 weeks. The sonographer said the baby looked ok, heartbeat present and that there was an area of bleeding above the baby and she thought this may be due to implantation. I asked if it was likely for me to get more bleeding and she said she couldn't really say either way.

Fast forward a little and me and DH had sex (now about 2 weeks ago) and I bled quite a bit afterwards. Difficult to quantify as I bled over night and it was dried by the morning but it continued for a while. It seemed to slow and I was just getting the brown old blood in stringy type discharge.

Now over the weekend just gone I have started bleeding again. I lost a fair amount of watery type brown blood which I wasn't too concerned about but I'm now having red watery stuff when I wipe and this morning really stringy stuff that looks like snot and blood (grim).

I'm booked in at the EPU on Thursday for a scan but I'm absolutely dreading it and so scared it's going to be bad news. Having lost a baby at 38 weeks, I don't know that I can go through another loss, although I know that's the risk you take.

I'm worried beyond belief but trying not to let it get on top of me.

Does anyone have any positive stories similar to this with a good outcome?

Thanks for reading.

So sorry to hear your news xx

ah sweets, so sorry for your loss. It's so heartbreaking. Sending you hugs.

Thank you.

I feel very sad but I'm angry too. I don't understand why we should have to lose another baby when we already had our first child stolen from us. It's maddening in every sense of the word.

I just keep squeezing DD and crying on her little head 😢

So sorry @PengThePenguin
It is just so unfair isn’t it. I still feel nothing so can’t believe this will stick either (7+4)

So sorry to hear this.

So sorry OP. I had multiple miscarriages and it really seems unfair when you have loss after loss, so can only imagine how awful this is. I've sent you a message x

I'm so sorry that you have lost your baby. I was really hoping for good news for you.

@PengThePenguin I’m so so sorry, how fucking unfair for you to have to go through this again. Hold your DD close, she will see you through this❤️

I feel so broken and shit.

Why is it that people who don't even love or want their children can have them with no issues and the people who love their babies get them taken away?

It makes no sense. I don't know why we deserve to lose another baby

❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. Of course you don’t deserve this, no one does. For the short time you had this baby with you, you did everything you could for them because you love them.

I think I might like to do something, just to mark the little one's life and passing. Has anyone done this for a miscarriage before/have ideas on what to do?

I planted a tree for our stillborn DS1 and a few other things, including a tattoo of his footprints/DOB etc. Now isn't really the time for planting things with the freezing temperatures and I don't know what I'd have as a tattoo for this little one as I have nothing of him or her. I don't want to just forget.

What about a houseplants? DH and I had a "body" as it was in tact and we felt burying it in a plant, so that it could nourish the soil and help a plant grow would sort of mean something "good" could come out of something so sad, and that a part of our baby could be in the plant.

Understand if this sounds batshit or morbid, it helped us but everyone's different.

It sounds like a lovely idea, my only concern is that I'm terrible at keeping plants alive

Yeah DH and I had to agree not to get upset if the plant were to die or anything, as obviously it will bring it back.

So sorry you're going through this OP. It's absolutely vile.

Oh OP. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sending so many unmumsnetty hugs.

Sending love. Look after yourself ❤️

Op I’m so so sorry you’ve been through what you have
We have a teddy that we bought for the baby we lost and our DD has it every night. Just a little something we’ve done, it’s not the most practical though, just so happens that she loves the teddy anyway

OP I’m really sorry to read about your loss. There is s shrub/small tree that flowers Xmas/ now- pale pink & aromatic, the leaves come in spring. Just an idea perhaps to celebrate the beginning of your little ones life, it will flower autumn/winter every year when there is little else in the garden

I had my baby cremated. He died around eight weeks but I didn't know til about 14 weeks. There wasn't really anything there, they had to do a d and c because my body didn't do the natural thing. They saved him in a plastic thing inside a cardboard box. I clung to him for days, til I made arrangements at a CoOp funeral home and had to hand him over. It was like prising a chicken from the jaws of an alligator, I couldn't let go.
In your case, your loss has most occurred so unless you have anything soaked with the fluids and matter you passed which you could burn yourself, you could plant yourselves a little tree or other plant.

Cry all you need. Let every bit of it out. I've lost three and have two DC thriving. You've proved you can become pregnant, it's just a matter of hanging onto one. Sticky vibes. And hopefully the hospital might be able to probe you to find out why it's happening

I'm so very, very sorry my lovely. I know how it feels. Hold your little one tightly. X

I'm so sorry, op. It's hard and cruel and random. You deserved better.

As a memorial, how about snowdrops? They'll flower every year.

Thank you so much for all your suggestions. I really like the idea of something that flowers at this time of year.

Can snowdrops live in a pot instead of the garden? I just wondered as we may be moving house at some point in the future and I'd like to take them with us.

Just thought the snowdrops would be lovely as I have sunflowers planted for my son.

How awful and yet beautiful at the same time to have a garden that blooms year round with the memories of your babies who've died.

I feel so sad 😞

I lost my second DC early on in pregnancy. I already had a name chose and to this day, I'm still considering having the first letter of the name tattoo'd on my wrist (inside), but not the actual letter, but what it would be in shorthand (so more a symbol). I still haven't done it as I'm still not sure about it. I've been thinking about it for 6 years now.

I keep the scan photos and a little teddy I cross stiched when I was recovering from the ERPC - I keep them together in a box in the loft. One day I will show my DD.