To not be sorry DD is kicking off at school and not punish her tonight

[Finalschoolcountdown]

This is going to sound awful and I'm expecting to be flamed but...
DD (who has diagnosed SEN) has spent most of her school life struggling and needing help but being the child who was so quiet and compliant that it was easy to ignore her for the kids causing chaos , being the easy target for bullies who know she wouldn't tell on them and being let down by the education system. Ive spent almost a decade fighting for proper help for her. Until late last year she had no proper support in place since the time the primary teacher decided he didn't believe in IEPs. At that point she was two academic years behind and struggling massively socially. She is now in upper secondary.
She's currently kicking off at school because a child who has been awful to her and threatened her who has a history of violence against others is in those classes and has not been punished because she has issues.
DD is currently refusing to enter classes the girl is in.

I'm sorry but I'm not even sorry and I certainly won't be punishing her tonight. Part of me wants to go in and cheer her bloody on to be honest

Yanbu. Sending SEN solidarity. If you do end up going into school then you need to ask how they are planning on keeping your dd safe from the other child. Making dd walk with a teacher or whatever isnt appropriate as she isnt the one causing problems.

Maybe this other child also has SEN..

I generally have the obligatory “you know you shouldn’t” just for the look of the thing, but then move on.

I wouldn’t be sorry either!

Sounds like a shitty situation to be in. I find shouting at the LA helps me feel better, albeit, it would be ineffective.

Thank you. How ironic though red as I've literally just got a text from DD ' Ms xxxx is now walking me to lessons.'

Maybe this other child also has SEN
And? That just means the school is failing them both.

Definitely NOT being unreasonable! Actually sounds like your DD is being reasonable. I do feel for schools & teachers but even so don’t think you should punish your daughter...that’s not going to help anyway! Solidarity!

UnsungHero I've no doubt she has, she's certainly got anger and aggression issues. She's been in several schools due to issues of violence (what she has personally said)
That wasn't my point really.

My DD doesn't have any SEN issues but was disgracefully bullied before as she was a soft touch.
She has just grown a pair overnight now she's at secondary, with kids she was with at her previous primary school which we left. She even got complained about by one of the little sods and lost a whole days education when she had done naff all.
Since that she sticks up for herself and I cannot tell you how secretly pleased I am. I do tell her off, and as a parent you feel awful for feeling the sods deserved it but I do.
I thought it was just me and then DH said "thank fuck for that" when we were discussing it (no children around before anyone clutches pearls 😂).
It's now on school to sort it. They have messed up and let your DD down, as experts they should've seen this coming-everyone has their limit.

She's currently kicking off at school because a child who has been awful to her and threatened her who has a history of violence against others is in those classes and has not been punished because she has issues.

Honestly, I wouldn't consider that 'kicking off'. That's just not allowing herself to be bullied.

Bloody good for her I say. It sounds like she's asserting perfectly reasonable boundaries.

I think she's doing the right thing - it's good to see a girl refusing to put up and shut up. I wouldn't describe it as kicking off, she's acting in the best tradition of peaceful protest/civil disobedience.

We have a SEN child who shut down at school - did not complete a single piece of work in a year - school ignored his needs completely as he was not causing any issues in the class. Its so difficult to get support and recognition when they have 'quiet' SEN needs - so I really feel for you OP

I would also be feeling the way you are - and somewhat relieved that my child was finally sticking up for themselves.

I also agree that if the other child does have needs - and it sounds like it - the school is failing them both.

I’d have to go into the school. They cannot force your poor dd to just get on with it when she is being threatened regardless of SEN or anything else .
It’s just WRONG

Story I don’t tell very often. Ds is younger and the were boys in class who terrorised the small quieter children. Ds kept his head down but worried about the boys even though they left him allowed. One day I got the call from school to go in. They had turned on Ds and Ds, who has a visual impairment, fought back and ended up giving one a bloody nose. He was in so much trouble despite the fact 3 boys jumped on him and he can’t see other than directly in front of him.
Can’t say I punished him.

Good on your daughter! It sounds like the other girl should be escorted, not your daughter. Why should your daughter be made to feel like she has done something wrong by having to have a teacher walk with her? And good on you for supporting her. [cake

It's standing up for herself surely? My dd with SEN would crumple in that situation and I would be quite pleased if she was able to assert herself. If the other child has needs then the school should address that rather than expecting other children with needs to handle it.
Nowhere else would we be expected to put up with being threatened.

I wouldn’t want my child having to go into a class with an unresolved issue with a child who threatened her. I don’t think that’s bad behaviour of your child at all, she’s taking her own steps to protect herself. Our sen kids are so vulnerable.

I absolutely hate bullying. I cannot bear the thought of kids being bullied, and other kids learning to be bullies because the school won’t step up. I’d be up to the school OP, asking what they are doing about the other girl. And getting it all recorded and escalated. Your daughter shouldn’t have to fight this battle by herself.

AornisHades DD would have crumpled previously too. I guess ten years or so of being pushed around and feeling ignored finally hit it's breaking point.

I find turning up at school with either a notebook or a laptop, taking notes during meetings and then emailing them action points generally focusses things.

Solidarity. Unless you're missing out anything I can not see where your daughter is behaving in an unreasonable way at all, would be very annoyed at the school not getting to the root cause and telling them so.

Good for her!

Why should she put up with being bullied and threatened? Regardless of any SEN the other child has, DD has a right to be safe and a right to an education.

I never punished my dc who have SEN for anything that happened in school. Primarily because I hadn't witnessed the build up and so couldn't have judged whether punishment was appropriate and schools often missed all the indicators that there was a problem and multiple opportunities to intervene and also because if ds had had a consequence from school then I considered it done with.
It really is a case that the children who cause the most disruption get the best support. Ds who was challenging at best got far better support than dd who is quiet and compliant.
Hope that you can work with school to get some support in place for your dd so that school is a better fit for her needs.

It's all recorded Bananas. I've already been dealing with school.
The general gist is the other child who has had issues with a few children claims she either didn't do it or doesn't remember doing it and gets told to stay away from the child she has threatened and that's about it.

Meanwhile everyone else is adapting their school life.
My DD is already not going into form after lunch (where they do work on Maths and English) and leaving last lesson early each day so she has time to report any incidents without missing her bus. She's now being escorted to lessons and talk of moving her from her form.
Meanwhile the other child is to dds eyes just swanning around school.

Whether that child has needs is not my concern. That's for her parents or carers and school to manage.

Final if she's hit the breaking point as you say then it's all the more important that she knows you support her actions. Not supporting her would be a horror for her mental health.

It sounds like the other girl should be escorted, not your daughter. Why should your daughter be made to feel like she has done something wrong by having to have a teacher walk with her?

Damn right Salem.