To not be sorry DD is kicking off at school and not punish her tonight

[Finalschoolcountdown]

This is going to sound awful and I'm expecting to be flamed but...
DD (who has diagnosed SEN) has spent most of her school life struggling and needing help but being the child who was so quiet and compliant that it was easy to ignore her for the kids causing chaos , being the easy target for bullies who know she wouldn't tell on them and being let down by the education system. Ive spent almost a decade fighting for proper help for her. Until late last year she had no proper support in place since the time the primary teacher decided he didn't believe in IEPs. At that point she was two academic years behind and struggling massively socially. She is now in upper secondary.
She's currently kicking off at school because a child who has been awful to her and threatened her who has a history of violence against others is in those classes and has not been punished because she has issues.
DD is currently refusing to enter classes the girl is in.

I'm sorry but I'm not even sorry and I certainly won't be punishing her tonight. Part of me wants to go in and cheer her bloody on to be honest

TBH, I think your daughter deserves praise for valuing herself and asserting boundaries. Not punishment

You need to be talking to the school as to why your daughter is been escorted around instead of the trouble maker

Sorry posted the same as Previous post I was typing it while you posted

"Whether that child has needs is not my concern. That's for her parents or carers and school to manage."

That is quite mean things to say? My ds has a lot of traits of asd/adhd but no diagnosis. My friend's child has, and I have taught my ds to be helpful. As a child, there aren't really huge difference between them.
If you want other people to be tolerant/helpful to your child, then I really think you should care for other children too.

That's hasn't even got anything to do with SEN. If any of my child stands up to a bully, not only would I not punish him but I would strongly praise them for it. And I would also be loudly complaining to the school of course

If you want other people to be tolerant/helpful to your child, then I really think you should care for other children too.
utterly ridiculous, the priority of the OP is her own child and she's clearly been fighting for it. If people were less tolerant of bullies we would have less problems.

No OP YANBU

Slightly different, as I had no SEN, but through infants and into juniors I was picked on. Bullied at times but it was not physical, apart from the hair pulling this girl done . DM bought her ribbons as she liked mine but it all came to a rather strange head in Junior 3 (now Year 5).
She did not have SEN either, to my knowledge, and was pulled on it when seen . I snapped in Junior 5 , but not going into that here.
Your poor DD . I am pleased to see Miss XX walked her in .

Ivin that's not what I meant AT ALL. Of course I teach my child who has diagnosed conditions too to be helpful and kind.
This child is threatening to physically harm my child and has harmed others and openly brags about it. My child is coming home crying, in meltdown, saying she is frightened of being in school.
Do I feel empathy that a child feels they have to act that way or what has happened in their life to make them like that ? Absolutely BUT I can't advocate for the other child, I can't make sure school meet her needs to stop her being violent to others. I have no control over her care.

I do have empathy for any child and carer or parent of a child with any needs. I've been a one to one HLTA of children with high needs, I am Mum of an SEN child and have children in my own family with profound special needs.
But my priority when my own SEN child is coming home hysterical, frightened and in tears and meltdown is her.

And honestly I've had no tolerance or helpfulness from other parents over the last decade towards my daugher. In the past decade she's been bit on the face and arms, hit with something, urinated on in the playground (reception) pushed to the ground which resulted in whiplash in juniors, had the door slammed on her hand in juniors , had her stuff stolen from the table and hid and her stuff damaged while she was in her senco sessions at juniors.
Verbal bullying from a pupil and her older friend in her old seniors. Threatened with a weapon which was actually in school in her old seniors which resulted in expulsion of a pupil.

That's not even to mention the name calling and excluding from birthday parties children with Sen suffer.

No one else has fought for my child.

I don't know, CallMeVito, I have seen a child who clearly had sn but his parents weren't interested. My ds was a receiving end of bullying to the extent he got injured, but I just cannot see it as not my problem. Yeah, if I thought only about my ds, I should have made the parents suffer, and made them pay the price, and make them ignore their child even more as a problems.

Your poor girl

That she hasn't snapped at school before is a miracle, and the way she's handling it now sounds very measured and reasonable.

That is appalling abuse for her to have dealt with.

But my priority when my own SEN child is coming home hysterical, frightened and in tears and meltdown is her.

Absolutely. Yes, the other child has problems, but why on earth should OP feel any responsibility to sort them out? On what planet it that a reasonable expectation?

irvine if that was happening at school then advocating to the school that they should be supporting BOTH children would be appropriate. But in this case the school is failing Final's dd.

'Yeah, if I thought only about my ds, I should have made the parents suffer, and made them pay the price, and make them ignore their child even more as a problems.'

Again not what I said.
I haven't seen the parents
I haven't spoke to them
I haven't made them suffer.
I haven't asked school to make them suffer I've asked them to help and protect my own child.
I can't advocate for the other child
They are 16. I have no contact with the other parents or child.

These are children who in a few weeks time could possibly be in the workplace.

Weezol, that's my problem, tbh. I can totally see the point of Op, but also feel sorry for other child.
But there is no doubt that I do have sympathy for OP too. No one should be feeling to be afraid to go into school.

AornisHades, I totally get that. Maybe I shouldn't have commented in the first place.

OP, I was totally thinking about different scenario. I somehow thought you were talking about primary aged children, not 16 year olds.

I actually don't know what you want me to do for the other child Irvin.

As it stands MY child is missing form and support time in the afternoon.
MY child is missing the end of lessons each day.
MY child is missing half a day a week of school to try and decrease the stress she is under.
MY child is having lessons disrupted, being threatened in school and at the gates.
MY child is having meltdowns and ringing and texting me in tears.
MY child is being escorted to lessons
MY child is facing moving forms.
MY child is spending breaks and lunch in a 'safe' room.

The other child is walking quite happily round school bragging no one can stop her and just being told to stay away from the people she has harmed and threatened.

Sorry X post. Nope 16 year olds.
In the workplace possibly in five months.
No employee when she attacks or threatens to attack an employee and brags about it is going to say oh dear just stay away from them. She will be arrested.
They are doing her no favours either.

Good for your DD. I know how difficult it is for schools dealing with children with SEN without adequate resources, but I wish teachers were properly trained to recognise that the fact that children may be quiet and compliant really doesn't mean they have no problems. It seems to be a particular problem with children with autistic spectrum disorders who classically tend to mask in school only to have a meltdown when they get home: far too many teachers seem to be completely unaware of that and end up accusing parents of exaggerating and inadequate parenting.

Good for your DD!! I assume you've escalated the school's crap treatment of her to the governors, LEA etc? Personally I'd take her out for a massive treat after school for the way she's handling all this!