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Original poster

When being teary after having a baby becomes not normal

30 replies

CustardCreamLover · 29/01/2019 04:00

I had my baby boy just over a week ago by emergency c section, he was 5 weeks early and we're still in hospital. I've been here for 10 days (was admitted before he was born).
I'm crying a lot. Sometimes because I'm upset and sometimes because I'm happy and sometimes because this is all just so overwhelming.
I rang my husband up in tears last night because I couldn't get our baby to eat anything. He has jaundice and he needs to eat to help get over it and then we can go home. My husband told me that new mothers shouldn't cry as much as I am. He says it's not normal.
I've not been in my own home for 10 days, I've had major surgery, I've got not support most of the time, my ban was early because I didn't have enough amniotic fluid for him and now I can't feed him properly. I feel like I'm failing him and to have my husband say that to me made me feel even worse.

So am I normal or do I have a problem?

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 29/01/2019 04:42

I can assure you it is quite normal, your husband shoudn't have said that, he doesn't know what he's talking about. I hope you are able to have a decent amount of sleep while you are recovering from surgery. You're naturally anxious about your baby but, in hospital, there are other people who can help look after him.

Congratulations btw Flowers, you will feel better before too long. x

makeanewname13 · 29/01/2019 13:27

I would say it's completely normal - try not to worry!

I had an emergency CS (DD was 2weeks late) and was in hospital for a week after as DD was in NNU with a suspected chest infection. And boy did I cry. All the damn time. I had no control!!!

I cried when they asked me what kind of toast I wanted. I cried when I saw one of my midwives in the corridor. I cried when I spoke to anyone on the phone. Seriously don't worry about it just try and take it easy. It's horrible being post-op as well as post partum and not at home.

Hope you get home soon and can enjoy your LO in the comfort of your own surroundings even if you do still cry a lot (I did!)

Mmmhmmm · 29/01/2019 13:32

Your husband has all the empathy of a brick, ofc it's normal to be emotional and teary under the circumstances. Many new mother's are prone to crying easily for the first couple of weeks even when they've had a normal birth and are at home.

User758172 · 29/01/2019 13:34

You’re completely normal OP! Honestly- don’t worry about it.

I cried for a solid month after my last was born. Sometimes something would set me off, other times it would start for no reason. I didn’t even know why I was crying half the time - it felt bizarre, I wasn’t upset. But my mum was the same when I was born and she put my mind at rest.

It will pass! Enjoy your lovely baby - congratulations! SmileFlowersBear

Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2019 13:38

Please don't worry. Everything you're feeling is 100% normal. Your husband has absolutely no idea what he's talking about.

HavelockVetinari · 29/01/2019 13:43

Totally normal. I was tearful for about 2 weeks! Sometimes happy tears, sometimes sad ones, sometimes just because I felt tearful about nothing in particular! It's a well-known, very common reaction to giving birth, and that's just for people who have normal births. You have every reason to be emotional after what you've been through.

Your DH sounds a bit dense, can you suggest he reads up about the baby blues and PND so he at least knows a bit about it?

user1494409994 · 29/01/2019 13:54

Tell you husband to sod off. You're a mass of emotions and hormones and he clearly has all the empathy of a house brick. I can still cry at the drop of a hat and my kids are 9 and 5 and I don't have any mental health issues that could be the cause. Just more emotions.

Oppsdaisies · 29/01/2019 16:50

Not very understanding from your dh. Was in exact same situation with ds ecs and jaundice. I cried loads, my dh was a bit late to visit me one morning and i was bawling by the time he got there, even cried when Sainsbury guy didnt deliver groceries. Its a massive hormonal upheaval along with major surgery. Everyone should be understanding of the fact you're going to be emotional.

problembottom · 29/01/2019 16:58

My baby is four weeks old and want to reassure you this is totally normal. I went from someone who cried about once a year to frequent tears in the first few weeks which was a shock! But all my new mum NCT friends have been weeping buckets too. Congratulations, the early days are tough but remember to enjoy your gorgeous baby.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 29/01/2019 17:03

Fairly normal Grin but I’d just add this. You’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster, are still physically recovering, are away from home and trying to meet all the needs of a tiny new person. It would also be OK if you weren’t OK Flowers

Don’t be afraid to talk to a midwife about how you feel. There is absolutely no shame in it.

LucyAutumn · 29/01/2019 17:16

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time.
In slightly different circumstances, I too had by LO via emergency c-sec and ended up in NICU and then SCBU for a while, cried the whole time. I couldn't stop! Even when people assured me my baby was going to be ok, it was just all spboverwhelming and I think I had delayed shock from it all.
Are you receiving any help and advice with feeding your baby from the nurses? My LO wouldn't feed at all so we had to pretty much force feed for the first few weeks, I couldn't have got through it without the nurses help.
Has your community midwife and HV been in touch too? I appreciate it might be a while before you get to see them properly but do make sure you tell them everything concerning how you are feeling, even when you are speaking on the phone.

Flowers
Darkstar4855 · 29/01/2019 17:21

Totally normal and at five days post-natal you are at the worst time for baby blues due to the hormone changes.

Maybe one of the midwives could have a word with your husbamd when he next visits and tell him this is normal and that you need support not criticism.

Above all hang in there, it gets bettet. I am 9 weeks PN and still have teary/low days now and again but it’s nothing like the crazy brain fog of the first week or two.

glitterballbag · 29/01/2019 17:30

Me and my newborn were kept in hospital after an emergency c section along with other complications for 10 days and I cried every single day. A mixture of emotions from terror through to elation when we were finally discharged- looking back I'm not sure I knew what was going on. It was a really traumatic time. Speak to someone if you need to, everyone's normal is different- wishing you love and strength

LordPickle · 29/01/2019 17:53

I cried for 2 weeks straight and then off and on for 3 months. Mostly happy tears because I was so overwhelmed with love but sometimes sad tears too. It's an emotional rollercoaster and your DH is a twat.

Celebelly · 29/01/2019 17:58

How the heck does he know what's 'normal' for a new mum? Spectacularly insensitive and unsupportive of him. Is he usually so dismissive of you?

You're having a rough start and of course you're going to cry. Your hormones and emotions are all over the place Thanks

Bumbalaya · 29/01/2019 17:59

I cried every day for about 6 weeks and between this I felt euphoric. It is very very NORMAL.
I remember crying watching an interview with Tom Jones on Lorraine because the BBC had fired him form the voice in a very cruel way! Blush
(I don't really know anything about or follow Tom Jones' music career!)

Stopwoofing · 29/01/2019 18:02

Another vote for normal, I had two non exciting births and went home and I was a mess for the first 6 weeks both times, it’s such a huge change. I don’t know why your dh is any expert on normal maternal behaviour!

Possibly he is struggling with the change himself!

Constantsarechanging · 29/01/2019 18:21

Totally normal, it's an overwhelming situation when everything goes smoothly so with added early delivery and long hospital stay it's perfectly reasonable! Add on to that all the hormones..

Congratulations! Hope you both get home soon.

user1474894224 · 29/01/2019 18:29

You are completely normal. He's being an a*. However, due to the situation it's challenging for you both.

Jackshouse · 29/01/2019 18:31

Completely normal. If you said 10 weeks I would be just starting to worry but 10 days, you have been and are still going to a traumatic event and are removing from fairy major surgery.

KM99 · 29/01/2019 18:53

OP, ask your "D"H how he would feel having been cut open to deliver a premature baby, be stuck in an uncomfortable environment for 10 days, to be faced with every challenge at the hospital (assume he's getting to go home) and be desperate for your child to get better and to go home.

He hasn't got a clue. And he's got all the tact of a sledgehammer. Tell him you need support...

In fact show him this thread because he needs a good dose of the truth.

Hang in there xx

GeorgeTheFirst · 29/01/2019 18:55

It sounds normal to me, you poor thing. Talk to the nurses, they will be able to tell you whether they have concerns about you. It will get easier Flowers

Auramigraine · 29/01/2019 19:00

Another saying all sounds normal to me. Tbh I was in with my first for 3 days and it was the longest 3 days/nights of my life!! I had hardly any sleep, my baby wouldn’t feed properly and all the baby’s kept waking each other up, I had no tears left to cry It was constant. By end of day 2 I was yelling at OH to tell them I was discharging myself I had had enough, they weren’t letting me go until my BP came down, they tried tablets to control it, the lot, but like I was telling them I was stressed to death being in there with no sleep and that was most probably causing my high BP! I didn’t have it half as bad as you have Flowers hope your both home soon. Hormones make everything so much worse!! I bet when your home and hormones have calmed you will feel a lot better and cry less xx

MotherofKitties · 29/01/2019 20:30

Thanks OP

It's normal to feel completely overwhelmed and like you're lost. I cried for a month after giving birth! But it will get better.

If it helps reassure you, after I had my much wanted and long planned for DD, I had difficulty establishing breastfeeding and felt like such a failure. I now know I was I shock after she was born, but I didn't get that 'rush of love' when she was first born that everyone talks about, and I had a moment where I was trying to feed her and I sat there and genuinely thought, 'we made a mistake', and I cried and cried and cried.

And that was really scary.

I thought I'd be overcome with love and happiness, not feel empty, scared and in pain. For me, it was just a bad case of the baby blues and all women get them in varying forms; I started feeling less teary and more myself about a month after.

The important thing here OP, is that you talk to your midwife and health visitors, they're there to support you. Your partner needs to google 'baby blues', make you a cup of tea, give you a cuddle, and quite frankly shut the hell up. Whatever you're feeling, feel it, don't try to suppress it, and gradually things will get better.

Thanks
EKGEMS · 29/01/2019 21:19

I went through a traumatic time in my pregnancy and then an emergency c section and spent 12 days in hospital my baby six weeks in NICU -my doctors brought in a psychiatrist who said my reaction was SITUATIONALLY normal and if I exhibit ptsd post discharge I could always call him. Honey you are under stress with a sick baby,your ideal birth was totally different than what you thought-you will recover in time perhaps with MH assistance (no shame there) and your husband needs to understand this

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