Baby DD won't stop screaming.

[Seline]

I can't sleep. Ever. DD screams and screams and screams. She will only sleep on me. She screams and wakes up her twin brother. She screams in the cot. She screams in the moses basket. She screams and screams.

I feel guilty for being upset as she was a very poorly nicu baby who has fought so hard to be here but she will not let me sleep ever. I've had two hours sleep in 4 days now. I feel like banging my head against a wall.

How do I get her to sleep

You're doing amazing OP. You will crack this! Have you tried:

• Tight-ish swaddle (with arms in)
• White noise (can be quite loud). You can try white noise, pink noise, washing machine sounds etc etc. See if your baby has a favourite
• Gently bicycling her legs while she lies on her back. Might stop her crying if it's trapped wind or trouble pooing

White noise in the background, swaddling, dummy, clear all the pillows and duvet off your bed and have a cellular blanket over you and have 1 pillow right at the back, put baby in next to you. You could roll up a small towel to put between you and her if you're worried about you moving.

Are your twins sleeping together? If not might be worth trying that

They do sleep together, they did in hospital too. I've noticed last night she was definitely arching her back so will be asking about silent reflux. I also YouTubed hospital noise and she settled a bit better which is unsurprising as she spent 88 days in neonatal.

She doesn't like swaddling or any blankets but she's too small for a sleeping bag atm so she has a right cellular blanket.

They do sleep together, they did in hospital too. I've noticed last night she was definitely arching her back so will be asking about silent reflux. I also YouTubed hospital noise and she settled a bit better which is unsurprising as she spent 88 days in neonatal.

She doesn't like swaddling or any blankets but she's too small for a sleeping bag atm so she has a right cellular blanket.

I don't know if it's been mentioned but I'd try the local sing library. You can usually hire slings for a small amount and then you could have her strapped upright to you but it would leave your arms free to sort the other child out. She may be happier against you. I'm assuming her nappies are normal? Huge love. My youngest didn't like to sleep or be away from me xx

Her nappies are always loose but that's normal and has always been like that. She's the more high needs baby of the two and I worry my son misses out on attention because his sister always needs to be held by me

Please don’t put earphones on and ignore her for 2 hours. She’d be hysterical. Agree with trying different dummies and asking for advice about safe co-sleeping. Co-sleeping made the world of difference with my second and was the only way we got some sleep. What about a side sleeper on your bed? Also get her checked for reflux and make sure she’s properly winded after each feed. I’m sorry, you sound like a wonderful parent. I hope you get some sleep soon.

I would definitely check out the silent reflux.My DD has reflux and is a screamer and likes to be held 24hrs/day. Most importantly- make sure you get a break. Are there other adults than DH that you would trust with her/them? If so, try and let them look after them even if only for short periods of time. I didn’t and DD now can’t be left as she gets so distressed.... which means I never get a break. I had a preemie to and DS slept little to start with, though it did improve and he then slept well at 16weeks (ish) adjusted. Hope you find something that helps OP.

My 2 (non twins) wanted to be held constantly, sling and co-sleeping is what get us through. It will get better OP, could your DH get some time off work so you could rest a bit?

I won't be leaving her for hours. DD has endured multiple blood transfusions, repeated ventilation that she was awake for (she woke up while they were doing it), a lumbar puncture, long lines, more cannulas than I can remember, I can't just leave her alone for two hours while she's distressed after all that.

I had to put her down for one hour as I was falling asleep holding her and she wailed the entire time I felt horrible.

God you poor thing. Our DS was exactly the same. Also born premature, weighing 2lbs also a twin (who slept fine) and spent several weeks in NICU. He never slept, screamed constantly. I thought I was going to lose my mind. White noise helped massively, a machine that made that sort of static, untuned radio noise turned up high by his head. It also turned out that he did have silent reflux – I think it's common with premmies – we tried a few different types of medicine, experimented with giving it to him before or after his feed, propped him up a little in his cot so he wasn't sleeping completely flat. Don't lie her down for a while after she's fed. All that helped a lot. It Does get better, I promise. The bigger they get, the more they seem to cope with the world, so six months was a vast improvement on three and so on. Weening also helped with sleep hugely. Hang in there, it's bloody tough, mine are eight now and I still remember those dark months with a shudder. I too worried about the other, easier twin missing out, but honestly don't torture yourself with this stuff, mine are both absolutely fine and thriving and happy and yours will be too. IT WILL GET EASIER. I promise, you are doing brilliantly.

Oh also, I fed him when he was as upright as possible, that also helped with the reflux. And yes, a variety of dummies specially for premmies. Good luck

*I found that thunderstorms and rainfall helped him sleep (lightbulb moment after a pretty horrendous thunderstorm with rain that literally hammered the skylight of the apartment we lived in at the time)

From that point on, we got hold of cds with the noises in and played them in his room, worked 24/30, you tube videos of it are good if staying away,*

If you have an Alexa they have this feature.

I feel for you, it's tough xx

This is hard and with two others, even worse.

I would suggest a cranial osteopath for you both. Tell the osteopath you are both coming in and ask if they can treat you both.

White noise worked for one of mine. Not so much for the most problematic one.

I would also ask to have her stools analysed. Preferably by someone like Genova Diagnostics if you can get it done privately. As she was premature and had a lot of interventions, it is likely she has a lot going on in her gut. My unsettled baby had several bacterial colonisations that improved from treatment but my GP wouldn't test, finally agreed to treat based on test results and DS showed an immediate improvement. Then get someone knowledgeable to help with reach establishing her gut bacteria.

I know it's expensive but could you try one of the baby rockers the electric ones like the rockaroo? They've worked wonders for friends

She does have very loose poos and was treated for NEC twice but they didn't think she had it afterwards

She's got an electric rocker but it only gives us 10 minutes

Maybe try Ewan the dream sheep? He plays various noises including rain and womb sounds. He also glows a comforting red colour too.
My dd loves him so much she still has him at 7 years old!
Won’t be a miracle cure but may give her some comfort.
Hope you get some respite soon

Sounds incredibly intense for all of you. Can you call in any help from friends and family? Seriously a “calling all cars” message saying you really need a hand. Your poor DD might need you but maybe others can help with the other children or other stuff that needs doing. to you all xxx

Where are you OP? I'd love a couple hours rocking a newborn

I've had a screaming preemie too, and I wanted to kill him many a time. Sleep dep and the constant screech is head doing for even the strongest amongst us.

DS was the same OP it's only in the last ten days he's slept better in his crib. I've got a soft sling for around the house and it's a godsend he sleeps in it, I've got my hands free. I was anti co-sleeping but in the end it was the only way I could sleep, DH moved into the spare room DS was in a grosnug (tiny little grobags where you can button their arms inside, they also do a groswaddle) as he's too small for a gro bag, he's eight weeks now and I'm thinking he might be just about big enough to try a proper grobags (with the extra poppers under the arms). I don't know what to suggest as we tried all the usual tips and he just does not like being put down, I considered silent reflux but it's not consistent and he has no other symptoms, he's also content lying on his back on my lap... I do put a worn top of mine stretched across the crib mattress and a hot water bottle (takeitout before he goes in) into his crib but I'm not convinced it helps. DS has also had some hospital stays, nothing like your DCs and sleeps fine there! I guess all I want to say is I felt a little like you do baby few weeks ago but it is getting better, and it will fit you too he slept from twelve until five in his crib last night! Hallelujah.

I agree to calling in help. If you can afford it or if anyone else can buy you a present, a night nanny for a few nights? Maybe one with baby massage skills..

Random calming things that worked.. DS would be calm while I was in the shower, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom with the shower on! He also was calm in the bath, Epsom salts and lavender.. didn't help sleep but we also took lots of baths.

If you haven’t already, try white noise. Have attached the image of the one we permanently have playing when DS is asleep . He also won’t sleep in the dark so we have a dimmed lamp on... Worth trying anything when you’re desperate for sleep. DS is currently in his pram being rocked by a rockit rocker whilst I play that from my phone. Works a treat. I do co-sleep too else I’d never survive but I understand it’s not advisable with preemies.

I hope you get some kip soon .

Oh and try Infacol if you think it’s trapped wind but definitely ask your GP or HV to check for reflux.