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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Take my mind off things

28 replies

JustLetMeSleep1 · 28/01/2019 22:49

My dd is 5 and 2 weeks ago a lump under her neck appeared. Took her Dr's and it's a thyroid cyst or something that's supposed to be at the back of her neck but has moved to the front. It's nothing to worry about.
I got the letter today saying she's to be seen next week. However now I am worrying again.

I can't concentrate on the TV, turned 4 films off netflix and gave up with series on Now so last hope is you lovely people...

So could anyone please tell me something random, funny, embarrassing, things you wouldn't admit to irl. Things from real life, things you've heard? Anything to relax my brain so I can sleep.
And who knows it might make other posters have a giggle too...
Thank you

OP posts:
DustyMcDustbuster · 28/01/2019 22:52

I was once in a huge Asda with my DS & needed a fart. Well, I got more than I bargained for. Had to penguin walk to the loos, flush my knickers, abandon the shopping & drove home sat on a bag for life.

CandleConcerto · 28/01/2019 22:56

Since we’re on embarrassing things in ASDA, I once tried to get through the big shop with my toddler shouting, ‘MY MUMMY HAS HAIRY VANGINA!’

DustyMcDustbuster · 28/01/2019 22:57

@CandleConcerto hahahahahaha!

Original poster
JustLetMeSleep1 · 28/01/2019 22:59

Lmao!!! Ooh these are brill!!!

OP posts:
Klopptimist · 28/01/2019 23:04

Just, I will embarrass myself especially for you - About 20 years ago, I lived in a student house and one of my roomies was a kind and generous Chinese guy who loved to cook his mothers recipes for us all. Somewhere down the line, I became convinced I had worms. Took the tablets but they didn't seem to work. Saw the doc who duly handed me the little pot and shovel kit and asked me to fill it up. On my return, a week later, I was advised that I really did need to make sure I was chewing my beansprouts properly Blush

Best of luck for next week but I'm sure you won't need it Flowers

Original poster
JustLetMeSleep1 · 28/01/2019 23:13

Haha, that's hilarious thanks for sharing. And thank you.

I farted and followed thru in church and blamed dd who was 1 at the time, had to use baby wipes and lose the underwear. It was a very breezy day.

OP posts:
OhDearHowSadNeverMind · 28/01/2019 23:15

Dusty Grin Grin - that's happened to me too. In Asda.

I'm PMSL at the 'penguin walk' - brilliant description!

WereAllBladesArentWe · 28/01/2019 23:18

I'm calling it now- this could end up in Classics.
Frankly, you had me at beansprouts.

DustyMcDustbuster · 29/01/2019 07:57

@OhDear hahaha. Asda seems to have that effect on folk! Grin

Sweetpea55 · 29/01/2019 08:58

Once when pregnant with DD I had the most god awful flatulence.
I though I'd have a few mins relaxation and snuggled up in the armchair eyes closed and headphones on, listening to some loud music. Farting like it's going out of fashion. Big long loud ones. Opened my eyes and there was bil and new girlfriend. They'd been sat there for about 20 mins.

Andromeida59 · 29/01/2019 11:38

Quite a few years ago I was making a trifle to take to a friend's house. Just as I was whipping the creme, my hand wand decided to break. I tried a whisk, wooden spoon but nothing was working.
I don't know what I was thinking or how I even had the thought but I then remembered that I had my rabbit.
I located said (clean) rabbit. Wrapped it numerous times in cling film and then tried it. It worked really, really well. I have never disclosed this to anyone. Hope it's made you giggle OP Blush xx

importantkath · 29/01/2019 11:48

Omg!!!! These are hilarious! (Loving the hairy vangina and rabbit esp).

I also followed through once, but in Tescos.

I was once concentrating hard on my thigh master (remember those?) in my bedroom, naked, and looked up to see the window cleaner grinning. I never looked him in the eye again...

DustyMcDustbuster · 30/01/2019 11:05

@Andromeida59 your RABBIT?? Hahahaha!

I was lying on the sofa once & felt my arse crack a bit itchy. Reached hand round & got a handful of what was comparable to crunchy peanut butter. I will never try those Alli diet pills again. Shit was literally falling out of my chocolate starfish!

CandleConcerto · 30/01/2019 19:10

This is great!

I also went out to meet the postman with a boob just hanging out. Happy as Larry!

DustyMcDustbuster · 30/01/2019 21:24

@Candle hahahaha! Lucky postie!

kitkatsky · 30/01/2019 21:41

Ok, but pls don't judge me. My DD7 has been having problems with a mean girl at school. Came home in tears yesterday and I tried to impart wisdom and help, but she can't back downstairs at 11pm saying she was worried that kid would say bad stuff again so I taught her that rarefied (tired parent) insult of "So's your face" (Cos I wanted to sleeeeep!) tonight I saw her on bus pick her nose and eat it: told her she was disgusting and guess what she said. Yeah you already guessed it,

Try not to worry, easy as it sounds xxx

Hugglessnuggles · 30/01/2019 21:52

Not so much embarrassing, but pregnant with ds2, took a bath whist dp went down his mums for a few hours.

He came back to find me crying in a cold bath- I’d got stuck like a whale in a the bath. Couldn’t reach the taps to reach the hot water. Just stuck.

Dp bent over double crying with laughter which made me cry even more.

Hugglessnuggles · 30/01/2019 21:54

I once wet myself laughing in ASDA with my manager (she had the best sense of humour!) Had to go to the loos, put my underwear in the sanitary bin, and tie my jumper around my waist. Had to then drive back to work with her, in her car! She never mentioned the urine smell🤦‍♀️

Littletabbyocelot · 30/01/2019 22:10

In my last job I had a colleague with severe insomnia. She was asking for any tips so I suggested she tried the rabbit who wants to go to sleep. My colleagues all look at me strangely and try to change the topic. Fortunately it twigged that I hadn't really explained what I was talking about. Not being parents of young children they didn't realise I was talking about a book and they'd all assumed I was suggesting an especially relaxing masturbation technique.

AlpacaLypse · 30/01/2019 22:17

There's a rather big difference between 'The Rabbit who wants to go to sleep' (Children's book) And Rampart Rabbit (On sale at Anne Summers).

Littletabbyocelot · 30/01/2019 22:25

I know but they'd never heard of the book (and crucially I didn't explain it was a book) so when they heard rabbit the only thing they could thing of was the rampant one. Personally I'd have assumed something like counting bunnies.

I explained and we all found it very funny.

Eatmycheese · 30/01/2019 22:39

Following the birth of my daughter I developed faecal impaction, when she was a week old.
I tried going for a number two, and ended up on the bathroom floor howling in agony, trying to pull the poo out of my bottom : this didn't work so I decided to try squats and lunges. After an almost ten pound baby.
I was hysterical with pain, this made my daughter woke up and I changed her nappy, forgot to put new nappy on.
Returned to squats, then screamed in horror as I saw her lying in her cot in a lake of shit about half a hour later. Went into bedroom. Threw up everywhere the smell was so bad this seemed to act as some sort of enema and hey presto, no more faecal impaction. Poor bedroom carpet. My little boy cave in and shouted poooooooooo!!!

Good luck for you and you little one sure all will be well.💐

CandleConcerto · 30/01/2019 23:00

Eatmycheese That is amazing!

I remember those days. 11 days it took me to go for a poo. Oh god the worst feeling ever!

ReaganSomerset · 30/01/2019 23:12

In secondary school English, being taught about limericks. Excitedly realised I knew one to share, only to realise that it was the rude one from Bridget Jones and bodge together another one in panic (which obviously wasn't a limerick).

@eatmycheese hilarious. Pooooooo! Grin

MitziK · 30/01/2019 23:42

Ex's new boss came round to drop the keys for the very fancy company car he'd been given as part of the package.

Just trying to be sociable, having just hurled the clothes area into the DC's room and sitting down with a cuppa trying not to make a tit of myself for a change and DD3 came running in from where the DC had been asked to play in there for ten minutes.

Wearing my 36DD Purple with black lace bra over the top of her head.

Screaming 'Mummy, Mummy! Look! I'm a fly!' and ran back out again.

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