Take my mind off things

[JustLetMeSleep1]

My dd is 5 and 2 weeks ago a lump under her neck appeared. Took her Dr's and it's a thyroid cyst or something that's supposed to be at the back of her neck but has moved to the front. It's nothing to worry about.
I got the letter today saying she's to be seen next week. However now I am worrying again.

I can't concentrate on the TV, turned 4 films off netflix and gave up with series on Now so last hope is you lovely people...

So could anyone please tell me something random, funny, embarrassing, things you wouldn't admit to irl. Things from real life, things you've heard? Anything to relax my brain so I can sleep.
And who knows it might make other posters have a giggle too...
Thank you

During pregnancy, like Sweetpea55 I also had dreadful flatulence at times. I was also very ill a lot of the time, and I was lucky that work would allow me to lie down in the sick room if I needed it.

Anyway, one day I’m in there, I think I’d probably napped for a while, when I let one rip in a windowless, airless room. It. Was. Rank. Even I could practically taste it and I normally love my own brew.

Of course, my manager stuck his head round the door to check on me about ten seconds later. I nearly died of embarrassment, but luckily he never mentioned it again to me anyway

A few years later I told it to a pregnant friend and her boyfriend as a ‘funny pregnancy story’ and they both just looked at me in horror.

My 2 ds had a friend each over for tea. One of the fathers arrived to collect the boys. Just as we were stood chatting in the kitchen, one of his boys ran in saying 'look daddy, it's like a light sabre' Thevlittle devils had been in my bedside drawer and found my vibrator. What was worse was the fact they'd switched it on. In a blind panic I was there snatching it from a bewildered 6 yr old whilst frantically pressing the button as it ran through each whirring speed. I was so embarrassed.

These are all brilliant!! What a great thread. Vibrators & poo & wee are hilarious.

I had a friend tell me once her poo was so impacted she was using a spoon to get it out! voms

My son was meeting me in Starbucks & as he walked in, he went up to this person (photo), tapped their shoulder & said “Hi mum”. They turned round. It was a man with a fucking full beard!! DS was mortified!!!!