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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm disgusting

133 replies

blackheartdarksoul · 28/01/2019 18:36

I'm posting here for traffic.

My house is a pit. Every single room is dirty, all my possessions are old and falling apart. I have a flea problem too.

I'm working so many hours to keep a roof over my families head that when I get home I just sleep.

I can't afford to buy anything, I have £3.40 in the bank to last me until the end of the week.

How can I be proud of my home again? My boyfriend who doesn't live with me has made a remark about my home and I died of embarrassment on the spot.

I don't let anyone in except him because it's that bad.

Why am I so gross?

OP posts:
blackheartdarksoul · 28/01/2019 19:51

I mean my house is grotty. No mater how many times I hoover its still looks dirty.

Sorry for posting if you thought I was begging for pms

OP posts:
MitziK · 28/01/2019 19:53

You can do this. I'm going to make some suggestions. I am not going to suggest Marie Kondoing, Fly Ladying or any other brandname.

Start with the bathroom.

You need a bin bag/carrier bag, a manky towel torn into pieces, hot water and soap - any kind, even shampoo will do - and 10-15 minutes.

Go into the bathroom. Take everything off the surfaces. Chuck everything that isn't usable into the bag. Tie the bag up and put it outside the door.

Run the hot tap. Make one of the pieces of towel wet and squeeze out. Rub your chosen soap into it. Clean the bath. Doesn't matter if it isn't perfectly shiny white, you're getting dust, dirt and suchlike off. Rinse out the towel as often as you need to. Five minutes, tops.

Do the same to the windowsill. By now, the water should be looking filthy. Drain, rinse the cloth and refill it. If you feel up to it, wipe over the windowframe and glass, then rinse/wipe off the windowsill.

That cloth is probably looking manky. More hot water and go over the outside of the toilet (a huge dust and dirt collector). Chuck that piece of towel.

Clean bit of towel. Go over the outside of any cupboard, shelving, and then the skirting boards. If you can be arsed, go over the floor quickly, rinse the cloth out, empty the sink, wipe quickly over it and the taps and you're done.

You can worry about tiles, walls or doorframes another day. It's time for a rest/bath in a much cleaner bathroom than you had around fifteen minutes ago. Put the binbag/carrier by the front door, take it out when you leave tomorrow and put in the wheelie bin.

The next day - fifteen minutes in the kitchen. Find a spot. Doesn't matter what one, just needs to be about the size/area of a microwave oven. Clear it (including chucking anything rubbish related) and wipe over it. Do the same dump-crud-on-your-way-out-the-door in the morning.

Day 3. Do you want to do another spot in the kitchen? Nobody's going to arrest you for chucking out chipped plates or mugs. Life's too short. Have another bath, giving the sink a quick wipeover whilst it's filling.

Day 4. Do you need to do some washing? Clear off the crud from on top of the machine and do the hot water and soap thing over the top, front and inside the door, including the seal. You will probably want to chuck whatever you use to clean the seal. That's fine. Then chuck the washload in, set and have a rest.

Day 5. It's been a long week. Wipe over the sink, perhaps chuck a few bits away in the kitchen whilst food is cooking. Don't worry about the rest.

Day 6. This is for you. Strip the bed and bung the sheets into the WM on a hot wash. Go and sit on your bed and, without getting up, chuck random things into a carrier bag, tie and chuck out.

You don't need to carefully sort through crap to see whether something causes you joy, just get rid of anything that isn't 100% essential to your current functioning. It's cluttering up your mind, house and heart.

If you want, hurl dirty clothes in the general direction of the washing basket. Or step over them, you can deal with them later if you feel like it. Have a cuppa and sit down.

If you have a tumble drier, that's brilliant. Put your bedlinen through it and, whilst it's still hot, go and make your bed.

You're done attacking The Mess for the day. Just get on with the usual stuff. That's enough (but you could chuck another bag away in the kitchen or clean another small patch whilst food is cooking - purely optional, though).

Day 7. You've woken up in a clean bed. Enjoy it. Later, you could take some of the clothes down to the WM, but you've got time to breathe in the smell of the bedlinen right now.

Day 8. Let's make sure your room is nicer. Get stuff off the floor, wipe the windowsill and vacuum. Hopefully, you've been paid by now and have some flea spray. Open the window a bit and spray into the corners. Your room is going to be beastie free tonight.

Day 9. Quick wipe over the bathroom - it's going to be much easier than the first time, as it's pretty much just the sink, bath and top of the loo that needs doing. Quick bit of cleaning in another patch in the kitchen.

Day 10. Bug spray the living room after vacuuming it. If you can, wipe over the windowsill first. That'll keep teens out of there and in their rooms. They can collect a bin bag of rubbish whilst they are in there.

Day 11. Hallway. How many coats do you need? Bet nobody wears the others. They don't belong there - the owners have them upstairs, even if they are only going to leave them on the floor. Chuck out any obvious rubbish and vacuum. Then flea spray.

Day 12. Probably better have a look at the hob/cooker. Hot water, damp cloths, soap. It'll be gross, so a scratchy sponger will help if you have them (about 50p for a load of them). Get the worst off and wipe dry.

Day 13. Wipe over the bathroom, chuck some more stuff out from the kitchen, clean another patch. How about the windowsill/back of the sink? That collects dead flies and cobwebs.

Day 14. How are you doing? Can you see how much difference you've made in 15 minutes a time? It's about time the teens did something with their rooms. But if they don't, it's their problem, as you are dealing brilliantly with your own areas.

*

Lots of us say our homes are dirty when we actually mean they are untidy. Reduce the untidiness (by chucking stuff out) and you have space to clean.

I use a different logic than most for tidying - if there was a fire,
would 'this' be Fuel?
Would I trip over it as I escape?
Would I insist upon taking it with me?
Would I have to replace it within 24 hours? A Week? A Month?
Would I always cry if I didn't have it anymore because it had been burned to a pile of ash?

  • that helps me be realistic whether it's something that's worth the bother of finding it a home or trying to fix it (clue: chances are it isn't fixable, so don't waste your valuable time, energy and emotions on it).

If you do actually mean it is dirty, rather than it's too untidy to clean, then you've got a head start, as all you have to do is clean.

You can do this. [Hug]

wildbhoysmama · 28/01/2019 19:55

Aw OP it's so, so hard when you're working, knackered and struggling for money. Lots of great advice on here- Freecycle/ freegle/ gumtree/ charities are your friend if you need storage/ furniture/ bits and bobs. You can also spruce up anything with a bit of chalk paint. Aldi do one in about 5 colours for a fiver - it's good. Try that when you get paid or if you get some bits free so that they all look coherent, IYCWIM. That will help you feel proud that you did it and your spirits will be lifted as it'll look good. Get teens/ bf to all get stuck in. Also hit B&M for cheap diy stuff and a gallon of white paint- white paint cheers me enormously. Good luck, love, you're doing a great job.

willyloman · 28/01/2019 19:59

bargain ikea cushions/rug/throws. And check freecycle if you get the chance - you can also post requests on freecycle. Make a short list of most needed/wanted each week and post it. People are often looking at ways to recycle things. You'll be helping the environment also. You are definitely not disgusting for working and feeling overwhelmed. Flowers

kateandme · 28/01/2019 19:59

I think its your unhappiness and perception of yourself and life that your seeing in ur home too.to me it doesn't sound disgusting at all.possibly depressing.
could it be have no "clutter" and by that I mean personalised things is making it feel worse rather than it being disgusting.
is there anything youd like in it that would help.could there be any freecycle items you could get to make it feel more like a home.
I know this sounds daft but when my cousin was in the same place she did have old napkins and paper shit.so she made garlands and streamers and hung them up.old sheets she draped in places to give it more of a lived in homely feel.
the teenagers should be helping you out.
I feel for you.and I really want to be able to give you some advice as you sound so down on yourself.
but to me your doing amazingly.to be so tired when you come in shows how bloody brilliant ur being to keep your family safe and homed.
what would you think of someone you love,working as hard as you are and being this tired and low.how would you comfort and be kind to them? put your hand to ur heart and say it to urself.

Twillow · 28/01/2019 20:00

The simplest and most effective if slightly radical thing to do is work on your thinking. You feel down, you feel worthless, everywhere you look confirms what you expect - even your username is bleak!!
Change that name for a start. Look out for negative thinking traps, look for small achievements and be proud of them, set easily achievable targets each day so you are having success. You know you are already working hard, so don't expect too much. Highly recommend approaching sympathetic friend, neighbour or charity organisation - other people love a project and they WON'T look down on you.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 28/01/2019 20:04

Cat fleas bite humans, but they can't actually live on us - if the cat is gone, the fleas will die out. It might take a few weeks but this ISN'T an ongoing issue - it's a temporary problem.

SuziQ10 · 28/01/2019 20:07

What would you like the house to look like? Maybe focus on one room in particular.
Could you buy some pain and spruce it up a bit? Chuck anything out that's broken.

chocatoo · 28/01/2019 20:08

Obv fleas are the most important thing to fix.
So am I right in thinking that it’s the shabby state of fixtures and fittings rather than mess? Some charities provide paint I believe (am sure others on here will know) - a coat of paint works wonders but you need to clean before you paint. I would just do white everywhere then no cutting in.
Agree with pp about free curtains etc. Also cover sofa with a throw.

blackheartdarksoul · 28/01/2019 20:16

Sorry I haven't posted much. I've started with the smallest room which is my downstairs toilet. I had some clothes and bathroom cleaner so I've given it a good scrub. It took me an hour but it looks a lot better.

I think baby steps is the right way to go. I even gave the skirtings a bit of a dust.

Thank you for your understanding and I swear I'm not begging

OP posts:
MitziK · 28/01/2019 20:18

Well done!

It won't take anywhere near as long next time!

blackheartdarksoul · 28/01/2019 20:18

I'd like my home to be cosy. Somewhere I can invite my friends around for a coffee or let my kids have friends over for tea.

I've put bowls of hot water wish washing up liquid around the house too. No more strays will be allowed in. I can't believe how itchy I feel because a cat was in here less than 48 hours

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 28/01/2019 20:18

I have just bought a huge tub of trade paint for not much more than a tenner today as we have very limited funds but tomorrow I am going to paint my bedroom! Do a little bit at a time op!

MsJaneAusten · 28/01/2019 20:19

Great stuff!

Just tackle one room at a time.

If you ever have a spare pound, buy some daffodils to brighten up your living room.

Boodledug21 · 28/01/2019 20:20

Try and include your children in keeping things clean and tidy, if possible, make it a game with some, any kind of reward for effort put in. It will help you, but more importantly will teach your children life skills that will hopefully help them through life. Talk to the eldest about the cat. Pets are lovely, but they do need proper care, and that comes at a cost. Sadly perhaps not one you can afford at the moment. But if DC likes animals, go to an animal charity, choose something nice for the house together, and tell DC that it will be helping animals, and cheering up your home.
What role does “boyfriend” play? Could he be persuaded to offer services or skills in some way? Is he of any practical support or help?

It’s not unusual to feel very down and resentful about housework, especially if you work long hours and get little time for yourself. But tackle it bit by bit, as others have suggested, and you and your children will hopefully notice the difference, and your mood and confidence will grow. Best of luck.

LuckyLou7 · 28/01/2019 20:20

@MitziK
I love your post. It breaks everything down into bite-size, manageable chunks.

blackheartdarksoul · 28/01/2019 20:24

@MitziK thank you so much for that post. It's fantastic!

OP posts:
mummyhaschangedhername · 28/01/2019 20:27

If there are no other pets in the house the fleas should die in about 2 weeks. Although they can bite humans they can't survive on just human blood.

Can't the children be more hands on given they are teenagers?

Like others have said, baby steps. One project at a time. Look out on Facebook groups, there are loads of people giving things away, a nice table and lamp may really help a lot. Also look out at charities. We have one local to us that helps all sorts of people with donated items. They are not associated to anyone, they set up to help anyone and everyone in need and they will do free house clearances too so they are fantastic.

planespotting · 28/01/2019 20:28

When you have some cash (or get some from your eldest) buy some diatomaceous earth, it's cheap and very effective at killing fleas.
Sure, it can also produce silicosis and it is very dangerous if inhaled.
As you were.

LadyKalila · 28/01/2019 20:31

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Lovemusic33 · 28/01/2019 20:31

The most important room to keep clean is the kitchen so I would do that next, it’s also the room that takes the longest so if you can do that room the next ones will be easy.

You could ask on local FB sale groups for left over paint, also your local tip might have paint, if you do have to buy some then go for magnolia as it’s always on offer and cheaper than coloured paint, it also makes the room look clean and fresh. I have noticed a lot of sofas being given away on Fb groups too as lots of people have bought new in the sales, you could try free cycle too.

Lovemusic33 · 28/01/2019 20:33

Lady if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say nothing at all. It’s very easy for someone to slip into this situation, sometimes things get on top of people.

Fcukthisshit · 28/01/2019 20:34

When you get paid, set aside a few pounds for some cleaning stuff from wilkos (their own brand stuff is fine, and they usually have offers if you want branded stuff) and set aside a couple of days to give everything a good clean and tidy up. Tell the kids to go out if they won’t help. Once you’re sorted, make a list of what you need / would like (ie. new bath mat, curtains, ornaments etc) and advertise on the selling sites, freecyle etc and see if there are any charities locally that could help. Keep your ads going a while - lots of people gift some really nice stuff (I know this as I do it myself). Any bits that you can’t get, charity shops and car boot sales are good for a look round and you will get some really nice bargains if you head to them early. Just a few little ideas - you’ll have it looking lovely in no time x

wildbhoysmama · 28/01/2019 20:35

Well done OP. Now you've done the hard graft in the toilet pin up a Rota where teens give it a quick flick clean every other day (even just a cursory wipe, esp round bottom of loo if you have boys).

You're doing brilliantly.

LadyKalila · 28/01/2019 20:36

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