I'm disgusting

[blackheartdarksoul]

I'm posting here for traffic.

My house is a pit. Every single room is dirty, all my possessions are old and falling apart. I have a flea problem too.

I'm working so many hours to keep a roof over my families head that when I get home I just sleep.

I can't afford to buy anything, I have £3.40 in the bank to last me until the end of the week.

How can I be proud of my home again? My boyfriend who doesn't live with me has made a remark about my home and I died of embarrassment on the spot.

I don't let anyone in except him because it's that bad.

Why am I so gross?

If your boyfriend can pass comment then he can help clean.

Can you take a couple days of annual leave to really get stuck in? I appreciate that if you are on a zero hours contract this might not be possible.

Tackle the fleas first, and make it clear that absolutely no animals cross the threshold again. New house rules, no food/drinks in bedrooms or maybe all plates cups etc to be brought to the kitchen at the end of the day otherwise you will have to go in and search for them. That might get them motivated!

So there’s no dirty dishes, the floor isn’t cluttered and is hoovered, and you have no piles of stuff cluttering up the place?

Other than the flea problem it sounds pretty tidy and ok to me! You can call your councils environmental health for help with the fleas.

If what you mean is your house is a bit tired and needs refreshing then that can be done quite cheaply. After payday, get yourself an industrial size tin of magnolia (under £20) and enlist the teenagers’ help to paint a couple of rooms - start with the lounge, hallway, and kitchen which are the high traffic areas.

Measure your current curtains and look in charity shops / freecycle / local ads on gumtree for second hand ones going cheap or for free. And whilst you’re doing that, you can pick up vases and decorative pieces up in charity shops for a couple of quid a piece. Just one or two on a windowsill will brighten up a room and won’t cost you more than a fiver. Similarly you could also look for cheap / free secondhand cushions, blankets, and throws to disguise the old sofa! Also rugs. If you’re too busy, enlist the teenagers help to look for free bits online and in charity shops.

It won’t happen overnight, but if you can put the effort in you can transform a room with very little expense :) it’s basically how my place is decorated..

do you use automatic powder detergent? insects hate it - www.express.co.uk/news/uk/967747/super-fleas-invade-uk-how-to-get-rid-of-fleas
apparently the web says elsewhere (!!!) sprinkle salt on carpet & use diluted vinegar - or steam clean carpet but wash bedding or anything cat has been on in as hot a water as the clothing can bear. can you beg borrow or rent steam cleaner? or washing up liquid in bucket of hot water & elbow grease ( daughter who introduced cat should definitely help)

What would you need to make your house feel like a "home" in your eyes? What do you think is missing? Lots of us take household items to charity shops just to get rid - if it was possible I would be happy to post you things I no longer use! B3dding /cushions/ throws etc. I know charity shops still cost money, but you can pick up some amazing bits and bobs in them. You sound more on top of your cleaning than you think you are. Make a wishlist - bits and bobs - i know mumsnetters love to help - I do anyway. I know and understand what it is to be in need and have been so thankful when others have offered me small items or help. I am in a better position now and it truly is the best thing to pay back the kindness you have once received.

I do agree on sorting the flea problem first xxxxxx

Damn, I'm impressed that your floors are hoovered and dishes done. You're doing better than me!

Hi OP things sound tough. Are you getting any benefit entitlements you may get. Tax credits or working tax credits if your in the uk - look on entitled to website and see.
Plenty of good tips re tidying, kids need to help out.
My house is messy. I’ve too much stuff. I’m a single parent and work part time. Be kind to yourself. The way I view it is it took me years to accumulate the mess + I’m not going to clear it in a week. I’m giving myself a year.😇

Really hard to sort fleas without clearing clutter and cleaning first though Bombadier, flea eggs/larva hide in corners. OP I've been in the same boat clutter/mess-wise for a long time, am in the midst of sorting it and finally starting to see some progress and light at the end of the tunnel. No one has been inside my home in 3 years because of it and I understand completely how you're feeling.

The first thing you need to do is change your thinking. All my thoughts were negative, 'I'm disgusting for letting it get like this/I can't do it, it's too much so there's no point/I'm so ashamed' and it just sort of paralysed me. Every time you catch yourself thinking 'I can't do it' or 'I'm disgusting' you have to push that thought away and replace it with a positive one, it's not easy to begin with but after a while it becomes habit and I'm finding my thoughts overall are much more positive.

The best advice I can give you on the practical side of things is don't think about it, just do it. Even if it's 10 minutes when you get home it is worth it, one bag/box/area cleared is still a step in the right direction even if it doesn't look much better. I realised recently I've spent hours and hours thinking about doing it (and berating, hating and punishing myself for not doing it) when I could have actually been getting it done. Sounds obvious but I've been so stuck in this paralysed rut I genuinely couldn't see it

Nothing will change until your thinking does though, you're not disgusting and you have nothing to be ashamed of, you've just got into a bit of a mess and that mess can be sorted. I'm getting there now, I've got three rooms which are pretty much done now and the lift those rooms give me when I walk in is spurring me on to do the rest. You can do this OP, you just need to believe you can

Maybe your house feels like a tip because you need storage furniture? Do the kids have places for their things? Or is it just that they're being lazy leaving stuff around?

If it's lack of drawers & cupboards, is there a local charity that you can contact? Lots find it hard to get rid of old furniture.

Look up recycling webpage for your council they sometimes have lists of charities that collect furniture so they might have some they would give you

If you have a Rotary club near you they may have a furniture bank and provide it for free. Not sure of the process to be referred, you would need to talk to them or the council, but perhaps replacing some of your furniture will help? If you could could get rid of the fleas first you will probably feel a bit better. I would imagine they are making everything feel dirtier. Council may also be able to help you find a place that provides donated left over paint collected at the local recycling centre.Hope you can find the strength to start to make some small changes soon and it makes a big difference to how you are feeling.

If you're a singlae parent on a low salary check you're claiming any money you're entitled to.
I'd you have debts speak to someone like CAB and get the minimum amounts dropped right down low.

If floors and sides are clean and you have no stuff, what exactly is it that your "D" bf has commented on?

Horrible fucking post Thatwasfast

No need.

Caught up with your other posts now OP, sorry my advice wasn't really relevant. I found a brilliant local FB group recently, basically people giving unwanted stuff away but there's been some lovely furniture etc posted, worth a look if there's anything similar local to you?

I know you are not a hoarder OP, but you might find the advice on this site useful.
www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/

One thing they advise is to focus on small areas at a time. For example, to tidy up and clean a coffee table, or one chair. Just that at first. Once you have done this, keep this area clean, and then expand it to include one other small area.
I think this helps because otherwise it is too overwhelming. Moneysavingexpert forums are good to get advice about how to get free or very very cheap stuff.
But I would focus first of all on just cleaning 1 small area. If you try and think of it all at once, you will get overwhelmed and do nothing.

@Thatwasfast was there any need to be so nasty to someone who's clearly struggling already and feeling desperate? Talk about kicking someone while they're down.

Also if you say where you live, rough area, people can point you to places where you can get free help including furniture.

Why can't your teenagers help clean?

Okay sorry I didn't RTFT. Your place sounds fine. Maybe not a palace, but reasonable.
Is the issue really your boyfriend?

Obviously the flea issue needs to be tackled. But apart from that tiny touches can improve the look of a place. A nice throw over an old sofa, a nice duvet cover, and a touch up with cheap magnolia paint. And don't compare your place to people with loads of money.

My living room carpet is very old and stained, but our house generally looks fine I think because of some cheap plants, and pictures.

I would definitely be getting the teenagers to help out. You are not an island and cant do everything yourself. Maybe get them to also come up with colour schemes to get them Interested in your home and then buy cheap paint so that you can brighten it up.

Re the fleas I second index, its strong stuff and worked for us when our dog picked up fleas in a holiday cottage. Also steam clean the cats bed regularly, if you dont have a steam cleaner a steam iron held over the bedding should work.

I used the upstairs bathroom in my friend's house last week. I've never been upstairs in her house before but the downstairs is lovely and they have a great garden.

The upstairs is grim. Barely furnished and really in need of new carpet and paint. My friend explained they are doing it a room at a time and are still finishing off the downstairs. They've been there 5 years now but struggled for money at first and then time..

They did the front room/porch area/cloakroom first and kept people out of the kitchen for 2 years.

I think trying to get the front room nice so you can relax in it would be my first step.

DS bought himself a new kitten with some of his birthday money. She came with fleas, it was a spontaneous purchase and I couldn't get in the vets for 3 days.
Once she'd been, I made DS indorex his bedroom from top to bottom, took him to the laundrette to pay for his duvet to be washed etc ... he even vacuumed his mattress and curtains (with the extension).
He's 13, if he can do it, your teenagers can do it too.

If/when you can afford it, this stuff is excellent for household fleas. Just make sure there are no fish etc in the rooms. Best to do the whole house in one go and leave it for an hour, then air it for an hour. Flea problem sorted.

petwell.co.uk/indorex.html?fee=1&fep=438&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3aKp-p2R4AIVUamWCh1lmAkWEAQYASABEgIi6PD_BwE

Try free cycle or local Facebook groups for some new furniture.

Best of luck.

Throw away anything broken or shabby looking, unless you absolutely need it. Paint the walls white. Get a houseplant and a nice throw from Primark for the sofa when you next get paid. A room can look lovely with hardly anything in it as long as you keep it clean and bright. Use Advantage II on the cat and hoover and bleach the floors to solve the flea problem. Look on Freecycle etc for a few nice bits and bobs for your home. You can usually paint wooden furniture any colour you like to add a splash of colour.

I agree - get one room looking as nice as you can and then do others as you go along. Freecycle can be great for all sorts. Depending on your circumstances (and if you are currently facing a crisis) you could get referred to a foodbank - some of which offer additional support. Good luck x

Don't pay over the odds for flea spray, look on petsupermarket website. I used quite a few but that website was cheapest. The spray is fantastic. I can understand you are feeling low, I felt quite the same when my cats came home with fleas. It was a nightmare and I felt ashamed but I now realise these things happen when you have pets. Like others have said, look on gumtree, fb, charity etc for throws etc which can transform your room x