To think I may never get my driving license?

[Noturningbacknow]

NC as I don't want this linked to previous posts.

I've been 'learning to drive' on and off for years. It's the same pattern every time: I do lessons, get to about the same level of confidence (which isn't high, but it never seems to go beyond that), go for a test, fail. In total I've done about 4 tests over 10 years - I say about because one doesn't really count, I got so nervous I didn't actually complete the test. The 2 tests I've done in the past year weren't complete disasters, but it seems like different errors pop up every time making it very difficult to address with my instructor. My instructor says my driving is fine but there's always something I seem to mess up on, whether it's the manoeuvres or just general observations. I don't think I'm a terrible driver but I do get nervous easily and the driving test doesn't exactly help with that!

It's really gotten me down over the years and I feel so embarrassed that I can't seem to master a skill most people take for granted. I've had to miss out on many things because I don't want to ask for lifts and public transport isn't great and it's affected my employment prospects too.

So what do I do now? I'm already learning on automatic and I've spent so much money on lessons, yet I don't seem to be improving much. I don't have anyone I can practice with either, so I'm having to rely on paid lessons all the time. I have another test booked in but I really feel no more confident than I did when I first started learning. Do I just give up and accept that I'm going to live like this forever? Was anyone like me and eventually did pass somehow? I feel like all my lucky stars would need to align on the day for me to pass

I second beta blockers. Well worth it. I took absolutely ages to pass so many times of having lessons and giving up. I still can't park well but I have a licence!

I couldn't afford to just keep paying for lessons after I failed so like others I just kept having tests and practiced in DPs car (the car I was being tested in). Took a few tries but got there in the end! There are lots of YouTube videos by instructors in case you need clarity on any fine points. In fact, the test changed and while I was retesting last Jan and I learnt details of the new test and manoeuvre like that!

I had exactly the same issue as you and it was horrible. Only difference was I kept going until I passed. It took me about three years and four manual tests but I finally did it! I must have spent a fortune on lessons too but once you pass you look beyond that.
Things I did differently for when I passed:
I changed my driving instructor and I passed the first test I took with him.
I also took kalms as my nerves were all over the place. I kept telling myself it doesn't matter if I fail and I can always go again - positive mental attitude helps you from falling apart.

Good luck! You can do it x

My husband was a brilliant driver. But his nerves always got the better of him on test day. He finally passed on his 7th test. Don't give up! I passed my test 2 years ago I was also very very nervous. I took kalms for a few days before and on the day itself and I passed.

I had the same as you OP - failed four times, each time on something different. Purely down to nerves.

I tried Rescue Remedy in the end which helped although on my final - successful - test, the examiner returned half an hour late from the previous test (he'd said turn right, driver had turned left, both hopelessly lost), by which time I was beyond terrified (not helped by noticing that I was wearing a completely impractical pair of shoes).

Not long into the test he said to me "you're making me nervous", so I assumed I'd failed and relaxed.

Keep going OP, you'll get there eventually

I've found my people! It doesn't help that everyone I know has passed on their first or second attempt. A colleague kept pointedly mentioning that her son only had 10 lessons before he passed first time...it feels like there's definitely judgment from people. But I also get really down about it and feel pretty crap.

I've changed instructors twice and my current instructor is lovely, I can't fault her. It just feels pointless to keep going over the same routes and same manoeuvres when I'm not getting 'better' so to speak. And then even when I'm doing really well in my lessons it doesn't translate to the test so it feels even more pointless.

I was a nervous learner/driver too. I failed my test at 17, had a bit of a teen strop about it (I can’t do it! I’m not good enough! Etc) and didn’t try again – then ended up going to uni in a small city where you could walk everywhere/get public transport so I had no incentive to learn (plus didn’t have much cash as a student).
I tried again at 21, did quite well learning and the day of my test it was pouring with torrential rain and HAILING, to the point where I wondered if the test might get called off. It didn’t and it went horribly, I was so put off by the weather I was a nervous wreck and forgot almost everything I’d learnt. Again thought maybe driving wasn’t for me. My instructor made my nerves worse by shouting at me when I got things wrong which didn’t help.

Then aged 25 I suddenly had another surge of wanting to tick it off my to do list. When I contacted instructors I made it clear I was a very nervous driver and needed someone who understood, and didn’t respond well to shouting etc. I tried out a few until I found a woman I really liked and understood my learning style. Still had quite bad nerves but she would tackle these head on – I once mentioned I felt nervous during roundabouts so we spent a 2 hour lesson just doing them over and over until they were no longer scary. Repetition really is key.
I was still quite nervous generally and failed 3 times as my nerves got the better of me during the test. But in the end I made it aged 26! By that time I had a strange zen like feeling where I’d failed so much already I no longer had the same build up of nerves. It’s like something shifted and being relaxed meant I could actually show the tester that I could drive and not mess up in a flurry of nerves.

Passing was genuinely one of the best days of my life as it had been so hard for me.

Don’t be discouraged and also don’t be embarrassed, a lot of people learn later in life and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Also it is hard, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. You are doing really well for preserving. It really does make life easier once you pass and have your own transport.

It also helps if you don't have this in the middle of a busy roundabout on your driving lesson route as I did...

www.atlasobscura.com/places/traffic-light-tree

"A student driver's nightmare." They're not kidding! The first time I approached it, my subconscious mind selected the light that it thought was relevant to my junction and it was red for aaaages!

DI: Why are we still sitting here.
ME: I'm waiting for the light to change.
DI: Charlotte, it's art.
ME: Sigh...

If it helps at all I took my first test aged 18....failed it spectacularly. I finally passed on my 6th attempt aged 29. I wasn't having lessons all that time though! You'll get there.

Totally outting.

I learned before about 10yrs ago but gave up before test due to nerves. Then i started again about a year ago (give or take few weeks) anyways I failed my 1st test on the most stupid major. Purely due to my nerves. My head went totally blank on manovere.

2nd time I managed to get so nervous. That I broke the car. Long story!

3rd time last week!! I had been up all night had about half hours sleep. Non stop vomiting. Debated cancelling it as was beyond exhausted at 9 months pregnant. But thought sod it what do I have to loose. Went for it. And as I was so distracted by tiredness & trying not to vomit. I didnt have time to think about nerves. That I passed with only 4 minors. 2 each for the same incident.

So just goes to show sometimes when you are nervous you just need a distraction to take away from your nerves.

Same happened with my theory test. That took about 6 or 7 attempts due to nerves. Woke up in the morning with a migraine so just rushed through it to get it over with. And passed full marks.

Think sometimes need to go with gut instinct and a distraction to think about so you just go into automatic mode. Dont doubt yourself and dont over think things. Thats when nerves kick in.

I was a learner for nearly 10 years, tried different instructors, failed umpteen tests. I was telling a DF about my last fail because I got so nervous it all just went wrong...again!
They gave me a white vallium tablet, for my next test. I was really sceptical, and very nervous as i had never taken anything like this so wasn't sure what it would do to me, but DF assured me it was the weakest strength and I would be fine.
I passed 😊 Made a silly mistake right at the beginning but i didn't give it a second thought and sailed through the rest of my test!
My driving instructor nearly fainted when he saw me with my 'green pass paper', and probably totally gutted as he was making a fortune off me 😂

If you can afford to keep going then definitely don’t give up! I did 7 tests and finally passed with not even 1 minor- after some really disasterous ones in the past! A new teacher made all the difference, and being in the right headspace in life generally I think... it just wasn’t the right time for me to pass earlier I think. I was 30 when I finally did it! Good luck and keep going - at least once you pass, you would have had loads and loads of practise rather than just 10 lessons like some people.

It sounds like you are trying the test prematurely.

Dont take it until you are confident. This may mean saving up so you can take lots of lessons. It doesn’t have to be one of those ‘intensive’ courses which is probably too much but what I did was 2 hours 3x pwk for as many weeks as you need.

Do an intensive course, by the time you finish it you should be feeling really confident, it makes a huge difference, I was really lucky when I did my test, I was having a 2 hour lesson a week & practised with other people every evening, the intensive daily driving hours really help.
I booked the 38 hour course for my daughter, she didn't use all the hours & they refunded what she didn't use. I couldn't sit & practise with her as she terrified me in the car lol.

We used this company for her.

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I passed on my 9th attempt. I I didn’t have a break I just kept having lessons and resitting over 2 years until it happened. Coincidentally I passed the first test I sat when I changed instructor. I’ve now been driving 19 years and I’m so glad I stuck at it. I’ve been everywhere and literally couldn’t go anywhere without a car now due to where we live.

Not everybody gets on with beta blockers you might not so if you are going to use them don't use them the first time in a driving test

I'm just saying this because I wouldn't have been able to turn the steering wheel they did something very weird to me physically but I do have quite low blood pressure

Oooooh I am definitely going for Beta blockers. Though I feel confident, I get so nervous in the test.

I needed several tries. My lovely Dad sat me down and told me that he didn't pass first time either. (I never knew that. He was an excellent driver.) He also told me that he firmly believed that first-time passers had a tendency to be over-confident, so having a few tries was no bad thing.

I also changed instructors and it made a huge difference as I hadn't realised how bad the original one was. (Then when I passed, my instructor grinned and congratulated me on passing first time. When I queried this he grinned even more broadly and told me that it was the first time with him and that's all that counted!)

Keep at it and good luck!

Don't despair. I passed my test at my seventh attempt and I needed beta blockers to do it. You'll get there, OP.

I failed my test 6 times. Once you've passed it really doesn't matter at all. I haven't got a 2nd class driving licence. The thing that finally helped me over by mental block (long story not relevant) was hypnosis.
I'd never been into that sort of thing but was desperate. I had 3 sessions with the hypnotherapist and sailed through ny test.
Do keep going. It's worth it

I passed 5th time. That time, another instructor I’d never met came to do the pre test lesson with me, saying something like “Bob couldn’t make it sorry”. I think this was deliberate!

Keep going you will pass when you’re ready.

Honestly, with how many bad drivers I see on the roads daily, usually clearly down to nerves, I say give up. People like that cause more accidents than they realise. And I do say that as someone who thinks we should all be retested every 10 years (5 is too often).

You are already taking a test in an automatic, so you don't have to think about gear changes or anything to do with gears. That makes it so much easier and you're still failing. It's not a bad thing, it's clearly just not for you. It's not a failing on you.

Santaclarita, or being total utter knobs! Was in tge car yesterday on the dual carriageway, souped up Vauxhall cut across the lanes clearly over tge speed limit, no indication, to exit. Was in a taxi, it pulled out without indicating from park position, nearly collided with a car on tge main road, I can go on.

I think it's over confidence, people thinking that road rules don't apply to them. Obviously if yiu are so nervous you are shaking then you should not be driving!

It's so good to know that there are others like me - I never come across anyone in person who's struggling like this. I feel quite embarrassed and I never talk to anyone about it.

I know a couple of people in this thread have said perhaps I should give up. I get that it might be concerning to think people fail a fair few times then pass and I often worry about whether I can be a good driver. But I would obviously build my confidence up slowly if/when I get my license and be cautious and attempt short trips in my local area before branching out.

The other thing is it feels like you can't win either way. I've seen so many threads on MN where people have labelled non-drivers lazy, immature, wouldn't date them etc. Yet if you're not entirely confident you don't belong on the road either? I would love to not have to drive, but it limits me a lot currently and I really want to be independent and able to get myself around.