to dread/cancel my birthday?

[SnowFairyBea]

I've been with my partner for 3 years now. Every year for his birthday we've done something awesome. I've taken him away for the weekend, once abroad for his 30th, I've got him thoughtful gifts and also got him personalised cards/gifts from his young daughter. His birthdays have been tailored to him, and I'm feeling a little jealous date I say.

We've only spent two of my birthdays together. The first we went away. My family member paid for our hotel and my dad paid for the meal in the evening. I waited all day for my card/gift from my partner, but they never arrived. He told me he didn't have time. I was gutted. I didn't want anything expensive. Just something thoughtful. My last birthday he also didn't get me anything. He told me it'd because he was 'taking me shopping' - aka, couldn't be bothered to buy me anything or think about a gift. I found it incredibly awkward and like I was just trying to buy appropriately priced stuff I might use one day.

AIBU to think a small gift isn't too much to ask for? He didn't even get me a card from his daughter who I care for a great deal.

I feel like cancelling my birthday as it's just a let down every year. We just had a baby and I'm bloody dreading Mother's Day!!

Have the conversation with him. Tell him how you feel. It's not about you being materialistic, it's about him being thoughtful.

And do piss about waiting re Mothers Day - just tell him what your expectations are.

Alternatively, stop bothering with his.

It drives me mad that people (okay, women) get all upset about this but then never say anything to the guilty party!

I've told him ten zillion times. He never gets the memo.

ExDh was like this. Hence the ex.

Sorry - don't piss about re Mother's Day!

I've told him ten zillion times. He never gets the memo.

Just nag him then

He's not making any effort, does he otherwise make himself useful?

Alternatively, stop bothering with his.

Agree. If he moans, just say 'I thought you didn't do birthdays?'

Is he thoughtful in other ways or is this symptomatic of him being selfish?

I buy my own birthday present with DH's money. I'm very generous.

I would save the money you spend on him and take yourself off for a nice massage or cocktails with your best mate. Whatever you want to do. Chances are he won’t even notice if he is this lackadaisical, but if he does and is hurt, well a taste of his own medicine wouldn’t do the thoughtless idiot any harm, would it?

Stop doing anything for him. IF he does nothing this year, then it would be a deal breaker for me. I’d dump him. No excuses.

We got married on my birthday. No excuse for half measures now!!
Tbh dh has always been good with gifts, though in the early days more practical stuff emerged from the bag - once I had told him that Pantene shampoo isn't a gift he got the message. Suggested the word was bargain not gift!!
The electric blanket was hardly romantic but a well received gesture all the same!!

In reality, if someone is a good partner and father to your children, but was rubbish with birthdays, would you really dump them? It irritates me and id love him to do something special, but I don't think I'm going to break up our family because of it....

Is that just something people say on mn?

If my boyfriend never bought me a birthday present then I'd break up with him well before having children

Still if you're going to accept it then it's your choice

My DH is similar, sometimes he is amazing but over time he does less and less re birthdays, anniversaries etc. I've decided to do less for him myself, buy myself nice things and lower my expectations. it does make life easier and I don't think its worth ending a relationship for.

Why are you moaning about it then? You knew what he was like and chose to have a family with him.

Jeez, I'm not allowed a moan now? If someone is great in every other way but rubbish with gifts, I hardly see that as a reason to not be with them. It's just an annoyance that comes around once a year! Wondered if other people were like this...

If you're so upset about it that you're actually dreading your birthday and posting on here about it, then it's clearly important to you (and I totally get that - I would be upset too and I did actually dump a guy I'd been seeing for a year because he didn't get me so much as a card for my (big) birthday).

It's not just about wanting a present, it's about mismatched attitudes to each other - you go to a lot of trouble and expense for his birthdays because you want to make the day special for him, so when he does fuck all for yours, you can't help but assume that he doesn't care enough that you have a special day to actually do anything to make it so.

If he's just someone who doesn't care about birthdays, why does he accept your generous and thoughtful gifts rather than tell you not to bother? It makes him look like a shamelessly greedy, entitled twat not to be embarrassed by the one-sidedness of your gift-giving.

I think you need to talk to him about it, tell him what your expectations are. If he's just not someone who's ever going to bother his arse about your birthday, then it's up to you whether you can live like that or not, but at the very least you need to stop pushing the boat out for his (I know you don't give to get, etc, but I don't see how one could fail to grow resentful...)

Go out shopping with him the week before your birthday to choose your own present.

Or, if he's that rubbish at presents, just tell him exactly what you want, ask him for his bank card and order it yourself. Giftwrapped.

YANBU that's a very poor show.

I would tell him how you feel, he probably thinks it's no big deal and isn't thinking.

Obviously if he's perfect in every other way then there's no reason to dump him!

We celebrate the date we met and out wedding anniversary. Usually a night /weekend away. Dh sorts the wedding anniversary plans and I do the other one. Suggest similar, write a bucket list for 2019 and talk about it - give him some ideas!!
If you want something, make it happen!