to dread/cancel my birthday?

[SnowFairyBea]

I've been with my partner for 3 years now. Every year for his birthday we've done something awesome. I've taken him away for the weekend, once abroad for his 30th, I've got him thoughtful gifts and also got him personalised cards/gifts from his young daughter. His birthdays have been tailored to him, and I'm feeling a little jealous date I say.

We've only spent two of my birthdays together. The first we went away. My family member paid for our hotel and my dad paid for the meal in the evening. I waited all day for my card/gift from my partner, but they never arrived. He told me he didn't have time. I was gutted. I didn't want anything expensive. Just something thoughtful. My last birthday he also didn't get me anything. He told me it'd because he was 'taking me shopping' - aka, couldn't be bothered to buy me anything or think about a gift. I found it incredibly awkward and like I was just trying to buy appropriately priced stuff I might use one day.

AIBU to think a small gift isn't too much to ask for? He didn't even get me a card from his daughter who I care for a great deal.

I feel like cancelling my birthday as it's just a let down every year. We just had a baby and I'm bloody dreading Mother's Day!!

Why the hell would you cancel your birthday? Cancel his birthday not yours, just don't bother your arse doing or buying anything for his, lower your expectations for yours but plan something with friends instead

If you're otherwise happy with your relationship then just stop making an effort with his birthday and use the time, money and effort to treat yourself on your birthday instead, because you're worth it! It'd be a shame for you to cancel your own special day because he can't be bothered making an effort. Do something for you, either on your own or with some girlfriends.

Op, I feel for you, it sucks when this happens, he just requires training. My dh was pretty rubbish, used to get underwear (clearly a present for him), fluffy mules (present for him!) etc etc.
I basically instructed him in what I wanted (yes, I know I shouldn't have to, but he had little imagination), it took a few years, but he's really good at buying for me now, he hoes and gets thoughtful presents that he's really considered.
If he's otherwise good, kind, a good dad etc, and it's not part of a wider picture then just put the work in.

It is horrible, I put thought and care into gifts for everyone. Its not about money and 'getting stuff' - birthdays are the same time every year. Not having time is rubbish in this day and age. Just order something off the internet. To me its a lack of care and thought. For Christmas this year, I got some nice gifts, but things I had to get them myself. Even his mother who is elderly - gave me the money and to get everyone something. I knew what was in every parcel was because I had bought them and wrapped them. No one had thought - KC225 would really like this. I felt a bit sad about it.

Do what I do.

I had a big birthday coming up, important to me. Asked DH if he had plans for what he was going to get me. He looked at me with this pained expression on his face and said 'no, I'm really really worried about what I'm going to get you'.

Shall I get you something to give me, says I? Oh, that would be wonderful, he says.

A couple of weeks later I plonked a ring box down on his desk and said... can you transfer £250 to my account please. (I'd gone to a secondhand/antique jewellery shop and bought myself a fine diamond eternity type ring). He was so relieved he just coughed up!

I don't care that I bought it. He is grateful I do that, I am delighted with what I've got. Win win!

(unless it's a big birthday, we don't get each other much but this was important)

I would make a lot less effort for his birthday and tell him you want a card and thoughtful gift this year as birthdays are important to you. If he still puts in the minimum effort he's a lazy twat.

Don’t bother with his birthday then.

He absolutely will not change unless you put a huge amount of training in. But that would just be brainwashing someone whose bottom line is that he can't be assed.
If he's lovely in all other ways, I would suggest you shift your expectations. Put very little into his bday (he probably hasn't even noticed the effort you put in), expect nothing from him and go out with your friends on the actual day.
Don't do a passive aggressive power game because you'll both get bitter and the pleasure it gives you will quickly give way to anger.

It's simple to go out and get a card and gift. It's minimal effort stuff. Most men who 'forget' are strangely less lazy about buying things which relate to their hobbies or wants. MN are usually funny about birthdays and say they're for children/presents aren't important but for me the lack of effort=they don't care about you. Sorry

With a partner who has everything and is hard to buy for and me who has everything i need we go out for a meal for birthdays i pay on his birthday he pays on mine , gave up asking for specifics after i asked for a summer dressing gown and got a computer (yes hes a geek) followed by posh speakers for the same computer for christmas

If it's just an annoyance that comes round once a year, then why all the cancelling your birthday dreading it crap? Just accept he doesn't wish to buy you a. Card and a gift and get over it.

I think it’s a rare man who always gets birthdays right. But if he is a good husband and father in other ways, then it really isn’t something to get too uptight about. It wouldn’t hurt to perhaps talk to him about it, at a good time for you both, not when you are stressed or tired. You might find that he really does need help thinking about what to get you, what you might like, especially if money is tight. I have had one of two ‘unusual’ gifts in the past, and have sometimes perhaps said the right kind of thank you. But I do understand the love that was behind them, and the gifts usually come to be appreciated. As for cards, think about it. They are overpriced items of little if any use. Far nicer a plant or a bunch of flowers. Get him involved and thinking about presents for your children, don’t be frightened to give him a (reasonable) list of things you like, and where to get them from. Above all, if he is a good, kind, loving man in other ways, let him know that you appreciate this. Plan to do something together for your birthday, not just his. Help maybe all that he needs.