Thirteen year old babysitter?

[Raisinbrain]

My two boys are 10 years apart so 13 and 3.
WIBU to leave them alone for a few hours in an evening? Or would you wait another year or three?
We don't have any family or local support so DH and I currently never go out together.

DS1 is a sensible and very cautious child and absolutely adores his little brother.
DS2 is a good sleeper and never ever gets out of bed once he's settled.

I have 8 years between my DC and I only started leaving DD at home with DS when he was 16 and she was 8 and only for a short time in the daytime occasionally in the holidays when he said she could stay at home with him. I don't think it is fair to make DC babysit younger children.

I know years ago lots of people babysat young children but I still don't think it is fair.

My DS is now 21 and regularly takes DD out for the day or looks after her at home, (they have a great time together) in the holidays because he doesn't have any resentment about being used as a babysitter, it is always his choice to look after her. He often offers if I am working (she would come to work with me else), so she doesn't have to come to work.

It is of course different if you have to work for a couple of hours in the evening and have older DC staying at home together, but I wouldn't give the responsibility of a 3 year old to a 13 year old.

What happens if the 3 year old wakes up unable to breathe with croup in the evening? This happened to my 5 year old out of the blue, I don't know what a 13 year old would do in those circumstances.

Or if there was a fire in the house, I was with a friend and her baby and we were sat in the lounge with her baby and a heater upstairs caught fire, my friend went to pieces (20 year old) and I had to get her the baby and the dog out and call the fire brigade. I was 17.

hmm, I think it is a bit young. But I have left my 14 year old in charge of younger siblings of 12 and 10.

The issues for me are:
how far awya are you? I used to do it when I was roudn the corner at a PTA meeting, literally 4 miniutes walk away, with my phone switched on.

Is there a close neighbour you trust? So once or twice my friend came round, made sure youngest was in bed, sent middle one up, and then left them to it at 9 pm, we returned at 10. (and she lives round the corner, so she is on hand)

If the youngest is already asleep, that is easier, but what would the older one do if he woke up? How would the younger one react to it only being big brother?

Just to say, if you are in England there is NO law on this. If you are in Scotland, you cannot leave an under 16 alone.

I'd leave a 13 year old on his own for a couple of hours in the evening if you're close by, but not to look after a 3 year old.

In terms of age when I would? Well firstly, I don't think that an older sibling should be made to be a babysitter for their sibling, unless they want to and are being paid the going babysitter rate for it. But the age I would feel it was OK for them to be in charge of a younger sibling is probably 16, maybe 15 at a push. But honestly, he'll probably have better things to do with his time at that age than hang out with his little brother!

If you are keen to go out with your DH you need to look for a (paid!) babysitter if family aren't local.

I was babysitting at 13. They were twins, about a year old. They were always asleep when I got there. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done if they woke up, I was utterly clueless. They were only at the local pub so not too far, but that’s not much use if you can’t get hold of them (it was 22 years ago so can’t remeber if they had a mobile I could call).

I was babysitting for other children at that age. I don't agree with children having to look after their siblings though. It is your responsibility not the older children.

I have a 10 year gap between my children too and am hoping one day to use this to my advantage but I do think 13 is still to young for that responsibility. I had to babysit my DS from when I was 12 years old and I definitely wasn't mature or sensible enough even though everyone said I was.

For all those handwringing over older children babysitting younger ones, can I just point out, that in many cases it works to their advantage?

• no babysitter, my oldest was so keen to loose the babysitter, he would have babysat his younger siblings at age 10.
• pay. We do sometimes pay them (not always, and not always in cash, sometimes in kind) It is defintely worth getting paid to sit in your own room and do nothing.
• you don't have to tag along. Choice between we are all going, or, we could let you stay at home and just dh and I will go, they would rather stay.

(obviously we could just take the youngest one with us too)

I expect a bit of give and take within a family, so the occasional watching your sibling for an hour or two, is part of that. Important though that it is occasional (no more than once very 3 -4 weeks ish) and also important that the younger siblings do as they are told.

Depends how far youre going. If youre going out locally then yes I would assuming the 13yo knows how to work a phone and you or dh take one with you.

If you are in Scotland, you cannot leave an under 16 alone

Not true, actually. You CAN leave them alone, but you remain responsible for them

hand wringing ..good grief..
so if you don’t agree , you’re over the top

I wouldn’t. I’m not sure I’d leave a 13 year old in the evening, I would during the day.

My oldest is 12 and I leave him for a couple of hours with my ten year old but I wouldn’t leave them in the evening or with my youngest one. It’s an unfair responsibility when little ones can be so silly. Also if there was an accident and a young one was alone with a 13 year old I’d expect it to be questioned.

I’d say 16 and 6 in the evening. Possibly younger during the day depending on the individual children.

I’m quite easy going compared to most, I think.

This has reminded me. Neighbour from a couple of streets away asked my mother if I, aged 13, would babysit for the evening while she and husband went out. Of course said mama. I was far from keen but dutifully turned up. When the parents left, it occurred to me the baby might wake up, might cry, might need a nappy changed, any of those mysterious things about which I knew nothing at all could occur. I had never so much as held a baby. I was very scared. Fortunately he stayed asleep. The risks we used to unwittingly take!

I think I would leave the 13yo to babysit for a very short time, as long as you settle the 3yo to sleep first. And only if the 13yo is completely happy to do so and you talk through what to do in case of any emergencies.

But only if you were going to be close by and able to come back quickly if the 3yo woke up. Start off with just a walk round the block, then build up to a drink out. I wouldn't go for longer until you know it's all going ok.

At just turned 15 I was babysitting an eight year old, five year old and four month old. So part of me says it's fine but in retrospect I'm surprised their parents were happy to give me that much responsibility!

Same age gap here, 13 was when I was able to look after him short-term. It is much easier if younger one is already put to bed, and it's not done too often as I used to really worry in case things went wrong.

However, at 13 I was responsible and knew how to use a phone and call parents/grandparents or an ambulance in the worst case.

I think a cinema trip, fine. But a long night out overnight or something, then no.

If you're going very local and for not very long, yes. But only if your 3 year old is a very solid sleeper.

Limen none that I’m aware of but as my DD isn’t comfortable with babysitting/ being on her own at night I don’t do it
I don’t have to agree with her to respect her wishes

I would if it was a short putting like the shops or an emergency.

I wouldn't for a date night

It really depends on their relationship. Do they generally get on or have sibling squabbles?

Are you nipping to the pub round the corner or intending to go up town to watch a show?

Everything is about perpective

I would wait. I don't think 13 is old enough to take responsibility for a 3 year old even for a short time.

As an example I left my 14 year old looking after his 9 year old sister one day last week for 20 minutes. When I got back she had fallen in her bedroom against her desk while messing around. She bruised and grazed all her back so badly that she hasn't been able to do P.E. Apparently he just laughed. Won't be doing that again for a while!!

Like loads of others, I was babysitting other people’s kids at 13. Supper and put to bed and all.
I would base it on the individual children, though. If your 3 year old sleeps reliably, then leaving the 13 yr old after little one is in bed should be fine, no? Basically his job is to ring you if there’s a crisis.

We left 13 yr old in charge of nearly 2 yr old. She was already asleep and there was an hour cross over once a week between dh finishing work and me leaving for work. Relatives living within a mile were already on standby should she wake and he need assistance.

I haven't yet left him (now 14) in charge of her awake (She's just 2). It won't be too far away tho but only for small periods of time like if I was popping out to the shop. Leaving him for a whole evening for social reasons or for a longer period of awake time is probably 6 months to a year away.

I was babysitting for other families kids from the age of 11 and often the children were awake when I was left with them. Also this was pre mobiles,so had no way of contacting parents should I need to. I would just go out with a view to returning home within 2 hours the first time just to test the waters,but I'm sure it'd be fine and I think your elder boy will enjoy the sense of independence and responsibility.

@Hoppinggreen

Sorry, ... Wasn't thinking about it from your DD's perspective. Apologies.