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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DM reaction was quite sadistic

58 replies

dejavu2014 · 28/01/2019 07:08

Me and my DS visited a farm/play area yesterday. We went to see the chickens and turkeys. He ran ahead of me (not too far) and put his hands on the metal fence. The turkey then bit him. He had a tiny scratch but was a bit shaken up and obviously I picked him up and comforted him.
My parents came over in the afternoon and I told them what happened. It was a bit funny how he kept telling us about his finger and the manner he was saying it but I wouldn't say I got pleasure out of him getting hurt.
But my DM absolutely laughed her head off, she found it hilarious until the point she was crying with laughter. I said ok it weren't that funny but she just carried on and said it was so funny!
For background he's 2.5 years old and my DM seems to find it funny when people hurt themselves e.g. trip over hurt themselves or other incidents like it.

OP posts:
Mummadeeze · 28/01/2019 07:11

Yes, I find her reaction weird. It must have been pretty scary for him being gritted by a turkey :(

Mummadeeze · 28/01/2019 07:12

*bitten not gritted obviously!

SnuggyBuggy · 28/01/2019 07:19

That sounds really disturbing. Was she like this when you were a child?

Pk37 · 28/01/2019 07:23

Maybe it’s the way you told it

Artesia · 28/01/2019 07:23

Think you are overreacting a bit. Sometimes things just catch you and make you laugh even though they aren’t that funny. I know for me the idea that I shouldn’t laugh at something sometimes makes me laugh even harder.

Original poster
dejavu2014 · 28/01/2019 07:25

Yea she was. Doesn't have much sympathy unless your arm is hanging off. But I mean I really saw it yesterday with my DS and found it horrible and said something. She asked how he reacted and I said he cried and she just disregarded his feelings.

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 28/01/2019 07:29

It sounds as though she found his recounting of the event to be funny, not the fact that he'd been pecked.

Porridgeoat · 28/01/2019 07:29

I’m sure she hasn’t disregarded his feelings. However it is the sorry of story that your DS will enjoy retelling when older.

MoreCheeseDear · 28/01/2019 07:30

I think you are over reacting. I found it funny when a swan bit DS2. He was affronted then he laughed as well. It is funny.

Porridgeoat · 28/01/2019 07:31

I do think you’re over reacting. She probably sees the funny side of most things

Original poster
dejavu2014 · 28/01/2019 07:37

I told the story to her not him. And she does have form for laughing when people hurt themselves. I said it was a bit funny how he was telling it after and he obviously wasn't hurt. Just I don't think it was so funny you couldn't stop crying with laughter

OP posts:
Billben · 28/01/2019 07:42

She asked how he reacted and I said he cried and she just disregarded his feelings.

He’s 2.5 yrs. This isn’t the first or last time he’s hurt himself and cried I’m guessing. There is no need to be so precious about it. “Disregarded his feelings”😀 Christ, unless I see blood or an obviously serious injury, I just tell my kids to get on with it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.

Lightlover2018 · 28/01/2019 07:46

I think it's a very weird reaction from your mum. Mine would be concerned and sympathetic. Poor little chap.

MrsSpenserGregson · 28/01/2019 07:47

I don't think the OP is being precious. It's quite a visceral feeling when your child gets hurt and your tiger instincts kick in and all you want to do is protect them and kill anyone/anything who harms them!

OP, my SIL is like your DM. Once I tripped over in the street and knocked myself unconscious, and had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance - nothing broken but I had a split lip, swollen face and black eyes for a week or so afterwards. My SIL found it absolutely hilarious. Actually sending me messages telling me how funny she thought it was. Not once did she actually ask if I was ok, or take on the board the fact that I had been knocked out and had quite nasty facial wounds! She is normally a nice person but her sense of humour is very different from mine....

Artesia · 28/01/2019 07:49

I think it's a very weird reaction from your mum.

Not that weird. You've Been Framed has made umpteen series off the back of people finding this sort of thing funny.

Original poster
dejavu2014 · 28/01/2019 07:50

I'm not being precious like I said I checked his finger it was fine, I hugged him and told him not to worry and laughed a little. I didn't stand there and wet myself laughing that I couldn't breathe over it. Bit of a difference

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 28/01/2019 07:52

I don't know. Sometimes things just tickle you and it can't really be explained. I wouldn't overthink it unless she's generally a bad person.

Artesia · 28/01/2019 07:54

So it’s ok to find it a bit funny, just not TOO funny?

People are amused by different things, sometimes even things that aren’t really that funny. There’s nothing wrong in that. And it’s the only credible explanation I can think of for the success of Mrs Brown’s Boys.....

Bouchie · 28/01/2019 07:55

Sounds like she got the giggles. If he was in pain at the time then she was being out of order but after the event you are being a bit precious (unless there is a huge back story). My DH is a medic and you need to have lost a limb to get any sort of empathy.

Skittlesandbeer · 28/01/2019 07:57

My DM is a bit like this too. Whenever dd (her only grandchild) has hurt herself, she laughs it off. It has stopped me leaving dd with her for extended periods. It is odd, and nasty.

I’m sure grandma thinks she teaching dd to toughen up. Or just thinks of dd as some kind of entertaining toy who doesn’t get to have agency or feelings.

I think there’s a difference between giving a kid a quick cuddle (while checking the injury isn’t serious or needs further care) and being some OTT helicopter parent.

Also, by reacting this way grandma often tips dd over into an indignant strop unecessairily (which ruins the event/day). A little kid is allowed to be scared and in pain and expect some minimal comfort from the adults around them. Screeching laughter is just horrid and hurtful.

Are we allowed to fall about in hysterics when they do a hip one day?

Artesia · 28/01/2019 08:00

Skittlesandbeer

This was slightly different- the incident hadn’t just happened, the kid was fine, not upset any more and they were retelling the story later on. I’d think differently if grandma had been pointing and laughing as it happened and before they had ascertained that the child was totally fine.

Ethel36 · 28/01/2019 08:02

If it makes you feel better my Mum is exactly the same. If i tell a story about someone hurting themselves, she will uncontrollably laugh. Last weekend she reminded me of the time (when I was 7) I got electrocuted on a faulty cable extension. My children and husband looked upset for me, they never heard that story before. They were shocked that nanny laughed because I was only a little child at the time. I just said that nanny has a sick sense of humour, because It was painful. It doesn't bother me now. It's just the way she is.

Creacaluaidhe · 28/01/2019 08:05

A sadist? Nah. I’d laugh if my toddler got bitten by a turkey...

FortunesFave · 28/01/2019 08:07

It was a bit funny how he kept telling us about his finger and the manner he was saying it

There's your answer.

NCjustforthisthread · 28/01/2019 08:10

Ok OP. You seem to want us to tell you that your mum is out of order because anytime someone has an opinion that maybe your mum isn’t evil incarnate you seem to take offence - she does this that and the other. Ok - your mum is an awful grandmother and she has disregarded your toddlers feelings. Happy now?

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