Is anyone awake to talk to a very emotional new mum?

[boraboring]

My life is perfect on paper.

Me and DP just bought our first home.

I have a great job, and whilst it doesn't pay amazingly, it's one that I love doing.

Though they don't all live nearby, I have a wonderful loving family, and fantastic friends.

I have a 3 month old son, who I love with all my heart.

I don't know why I feel so weird. Since I had my son, something just feels wrong. I don't necessarily feel sad, I just feel weird. I feel uncomfortable, like something is wrong. I have this constant feeling of impending doom.

It's a really awful feeling. I'm up tonight unable to sleep because I just feel so strange.

Can anyone explain this? Or relate? Or just offer words of wisdom?

Not feeling too good...

I can't explain or really say anything to help but I am here. I have a 2 year old and can understand the feeling of everything is perfect but I still don't feel that way as I remember it well. I think lack of sleep really doesn't help. Do you manage to get out much? Have you met many other mums yet?

Hi op. I think you should call the doctor in the Morning to discuss how you are feeling.
You're body has been through a massive change, hormonal surges and now you have a 3 months old baby, you're life has dramatically changed.
That's great you seem to have a good support network and a stable environment to bring your firstborn Into :)
Nighttimes can be lonely and isolating. You feel you're the only one whose in the world!
I am pregnant with my first and I do suffer from anxiety and depression so I am worried about how i will feel but I think it is important to know there is help and support for you if you need it.

I’ve no DC (yet 🤞🏼) so cant comment on that experience but didn’t want to read and run. You’ve been through a huge upheaval with moving and having a baby, it’s only natural you still feel a bit unsettled. Is it a new area you’ve moved to?

It's only noon where i am 🙂

What you're describing sounds like what i felt in the run up to my wedding. I would wake up heart pounding and just feeling sick with dread (not specifically about the wedding, just about life. Arg can't explain).

I had no reservations about marrying my husband, he's the best and we are very happy, i just think it was a) stress and b) a sense of finality that made me uncomfortable. I had set my path in motion and i think maybe i was mourning my freedom. Stupid really.

Honestly it passed. I'm content and at peace. I am sure these feelings will pass for you too.

Hey
I’ve been exactly where you are. I used to lie awake wondering why I was so unhappy when I had everything I ever wanted.
Have you talked to anyone about this? Things improved for me when I went to see my GP and broke down telling her all about it and actually started talking to the people around me about it.
I’m sorry you are going through this, it will get easier!

Could it be post natal depression I wonder? Might be worth making an appointment with your GP - sending best wishes to you

Oh boraboring being a new mum is really hard and it’s a time when all of a sudden everything means so much and the stakes are higher. You are also moving which is very stressful so it’s no wonder you are feeling anxious and out of sorts.

Could you be depressed? Have you spoken to your HV or anyone about how you are feeling?

@Ontonumber2 I met a lovely mum at my local Children's Centre. We spent a whole week together practically, but then her son got sick and went in to hospital for surgery. He's really really poorly. I'm so worried for her. It's another thing playing on my mind. He could potentially not survive... :(

I have lots of friends but none who are free in the week. I try to meet people but I just don't click with any of them. I almost find myself trying to force a friendship.

I guess loneliness might be playing a part.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. My first thought is that with a young baby you're probably sleep deprived and adjusting to life as a mother and the responsibilities it brings. Talk it over with your health visitor, and see what advice she can offer. Also go to baby groups, partly to give routine to your days and get out of the house, but also to meet other mums.

Becoming a mum is an utterly life changing event, and even though of course you love your baby, also life as you know it has changed forever and so have you. This takes a toll emotionally in my experience, even if everything seems “perfect”. It’s hard to put a finger on but I think it’s perfectly normal and I remember feeling something similar. Not to mention the hormones and impact of sleep reduction. I think just the intensity of love for a new baby is so consuming that it throws us a bit off balance. Do talk to your friends, family and OH - it helps. If you find yourself feeling low or anxious, it may be PND or PNA so do look after yourself and reach out for support around you. You’re doing a great job, don’t forget it! X

Hello, congratulations on your baby!

My input might be a bit random, but it might be worth getting your thyroid checked. Pregnancy can sometimes knock your thyroid out of kilter and a feeling of anxiety can be a symptom. Perhaps Google hypothyroidism to see if anything else sounds familiar. Either way a chat about your feelings with your gp would be worthwhile. Mind yourself.

@AngeloMysterioso when I say we just bought a house, it was a year ago so we have been here a little while. I don't really know anyone in the area though.

This is completely normal but I would go and see your GP in the next couple of days and explain how you feel. Don’t hold back in a misguided bid to Pete the your perfect life. It might be PND or it might just be general anxiety about your new role in life. Whichever, they can help you x

Pete?!!! Protect!!!

@Princess1066 I really hope not.... thank you.

@unicornfeathers I haven't really, no. My DP is lovely but I don't think he quite gets it.

Oh you poor girl.
This is from someone who also felt 'weird' as a new mum, I was frightened. Loved my baby to bits but something was just not right.

I'm hoping your partner is at home with you, boraboring. Mine did some late shifts then and I definitely felt worse during the evening and at night time, was always glad when he was at home and I'm not the clingy type generally. I was better during the day but very tired. 5pm onwards the 'weirdness' started and I had horrible, intrusive thoughts.

Give your partner a cuddle and try to explain how you feel to him if you can, it helps to share. Locking it all away inside is not good for you.

It will pass, I promise you. Sometimes we just have to live through things.

I was certainly better when I went back to work part time, that was a life saver for me. I gradually got back to normal, maybe even better than before. You will be fine soon but do accept any help you are offered and get as much sleep as you can in between feeding and changing.

I'm awake feeding my 7 week old.
Have you been to see a GP? Impending doom feelings and lack of sleep are indicators of anxiety, which could be post natal.
After my first baby I felt anxious a lot, again had a nice house, an interesting job to go back to and helpful family, but couldn't get over the feelings I was having, course of antidepressants and cbt helped massively. I was out most days at baby groups, so it wasn't like I was just stuck at home either.
Are you eating ok, is your DP helping with the baby? Have you mentioned your thoughts/ fears to him?
Hand holding, hope you can get some sleep soon.

At this point don't go out looking to make new long term friends, just have a chance to not just be you and your baby and speak to other people who will also be feeling a bit lost too. Sometimes it helps to hear that its not just you who is shattered and actually missing work and your old life. As others have said it might be worth speaking to your doctor or health visitor as well. This could be more than just being a bit down.

I'd suggest you have a chat to your GP. I don't want to worry you, but it could be postnatal depression. If so, much better to nip it in the bud. It can present in different ways, it doesn't necessarily mean you're in tears all the time. I had it, diagnosed eventually when my baby was 6 months. Everything in my life seemed perfect, but I just felt odd, not myself, discombobulated. I saw my GP, who got it, and we got me sorted out. You'll be OK, but please seek help if you feel you need to

@Maxbenji I should've mentioned that I have historically suffered from GAD. It's part of my life but I didn't really associate this with that as it's a much different feeling. But I guess it could be related.

I'm eating junk. I have no time to cook, so I live off rubbish food. It's awful. I need to change that.

DP works away, so he's only here on weekends. He wants to be here, it's so hard but we knew it would be this way. He works on the roads.

I've talked to him but he doesn't quite get it. He's more of a sounding board as he tries to advise me. It doesn't make me feel better. He does try his best though.

In the beginning, I found it really easy. People were visiting and I had loads of messages asking how I was. I was recovering from childbirth and was offered so much support. Now just 3 months later I'm expected to have it all sussed.

The reality is, my sleep deprivation is keeping up with my, my hormones have not evened out as they said they would because my periods are trying to come back (even though I'm ebf), I have a prolapse (I think), I'm exhausted, I miss my family, I'm just so mentally drained.

Thank you everyone

Boraboring, this sounds familiar to me although my children are older. Could you go home to your family for a little mini break with someone to care for you? Also look at baby yoga or massage or something which is small group based and find your clan. Good luckx

I'm up with my 5 month old. Being on your own midweek must be really tough. I get what you're saying about other mums. I see a lot of the same mums at groups and although we make small talk, I've yet to find 'friends' there. Being a new mum is so life changing. Agree with others that talking things through with your GP might be a good starting point.