Is anyone awake to talk to a very emotional new mum?

[boraboring]

My life is perfect on paper.

Me and DP just bought our first home.

I have a great job, and whilst it doesn't pay amazingly, it's one that I love doing.

Though they don't all live nearby, I have a wonderful loving family, and fantastic friends.

I have a 3 month old son, who I love with all my heart.

I don't know why I feel so weird. Since I had my son, something just feels wrong. I don't necessarily feel sad, I just feel weird. I feel uncomfortable, like something is wrong. I have this constant feeling of impending doom.

It's a really awful feeling. I'm up tonight unable to sleep because I just feel so strange.

Can anyone explain this? Or relate? Or just offer words of wisdom?

Not feeling too good...

I’m sorry OP it sounds like PND to me. Isolation is so hard. Go speak to your HV or GP.

The thing you are feeling sounds very like something I went through with my first. My lovely health visitor and later my doctir both told me it was very common and natural and most of it was fear. When you love someone you fear for them, all the things that can happen to threaten them that you can’t control or protect them from and when it’s your baby it’s intensified tenfold. Normally we get through everyday with our rational minds keeping the fear at bay but right now you’re a mess of physical changes, hormonal changes and emotional changes with this very tiny, very vulnerable being totally dependent on you so you feel a bit helpless and hopeless and the fear takes over. I do think you are suffering from at least mild ppd too, and the fact you have a friend with a very sick child won’t be helping, you’re very naturally projecting her situation onto your own.
Pps are right, you should go and see your doctor and talk it out, they’ll be able to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, it’s very common, and they will be able to help you manage it.

Hey, I just wanted to say that with everything you've said of course you feel weird and overwhelmed. I remember people saying to me that it took 6 weeks to feel normal after having a baby. It was more like 6 months for me. The sleep deprivation is like nothing else. Breastfeeding is knackering. The protectiveness over your new baby is visceral and all encompassing. It feels like your life has shifted course and no matter how much you wanted the baby there is a fear that it is out of your control and you can never go back. Add in the fact your husband works away and you don't see many other people and it's a recipe for exhaustion and isolation. I'd see your GP. Mention how you feel. Agree with person who said get thyroid checked. Also make sure you aren't anaemic.
This may well pass on its own but do offload onto your GP and see what they suggest.
It's amazing being a mum but it's also the biggest upheaval and it really does take time to feel normal.
Good luck and keep talking

I think it's anxiety. You have things and people in your life that you love very much. It's scary how much you love a baby because the pain would be unbearable without him. I used to cry thinking about my children's funerals and have flashing thoughts of driving into the meridian on a road or falling on train tracks.

It's all anxiety - having such a nice life makes you feel vulnerable about losing it.

Mine faded as my DC got older. I have to be very strict with caffeine or it comes straight back.

It does sound like PND to me. I had it too. Mine started by me feeling like a fraud. Almost like I was pretending at being a mother and that eventually I'd be "found out". I'd spent time apart from him as I kept getting admitted to hospital for my extremely painful gallbladder. I think it really unsettled him. Dh told me that he would only settle with my pillow placed next to him which made me feel worse. I told my doctor about it and he rolled his eyes and said he'd never come across a pillow being a better mother than the parent herself. It's.seems silly now but I was only 24 and naive. I nearly made him poorly by prepping his bottles and leaving them out on the shelf in my roof. The bottles in the hospital were kept on a shelf and were room temperature I reasoned to myself. My midwife pointed out that those bottles were UHT so had no bacteria. I'd been feeding him these, he was a sicky baby anyway and I probably didnt help things. He also needed emergency surgery for a hernia when he was 3 weeks old. It all added up and made me ill. Sometimes I'd get home from shopping or the park and not recall the journey. I was like a robot. The HV noticed and referred me for help. I don't know who invented.sertraline but they deserve an award for contributing to humanity. I'm sorry to waffle on with myself but I'm just letting you know how long it took me to "pull myself together" words courtesy from the cow of a now ex friend. Please get help. It WILL get better if you do. X

ROOM NOT ROOF
Bloody auto correct

. Could you go to stay with your family or friends for a few days?

It sounds very much like anxiety. I have suffered with it ever since having my daughter 4 years ago.

Life, in general, gets easier. You don’t teally notice it getting easier at the time, until you look back and reflect.

I eventually had to get help for my anxiety in the form of counselling and medication. I couldn’t enjoy anything, I felt constantly on edge, like I was waiting for an interview or for something terrible to happen. I couldn’t sleep even when my baby was sleeping.

But it got better and I found myself again, as you will too.

I’m now feeling brave (or stupid?) enough to TTC another baby!

I think this is normal.

Similar to the comedown after a wedding or a big holiday or event.

No more excitement about the anticipation of baby, less visitors admiring the new arrival. Combined with hormonal changes and sleep deprivation. Also combined with repetitive routines of baby care and the loss of your career and job and the loss of your own income! So many changes.

I loved my babies but had a big comedown in the early months and years when reality set in.

But things settle down. They grow bigger and the tedium of baby care lessens so less washing, wiping and carrying. They sleep more, dress themselves, feed themselves, toilet themselves. You go back to work and your income increases. They develop their own lives and you can enjoy them more as they do so.

Hi. I.think it might be worth going to your GP for a bit of an MOT. Like a PP mentioned ask for a thyroid blood test. Also ask about arrhythmias. This time last year I was like you only much worse. I was having panic attacks, constantly on edge and the impending doom as you called it. I finally went to the GP and they discovered I had a cardiac arrhythmia. Once treatment was started I began to feel better quite quickly. I thought they were going to say it was all in my head and I struggled to put into words how I was feeling. But GP was so kind.

When my son was 3 months i went to the GP with symtpoms as you describe. She told me she normally sees 2-3 woman a week, around the 3 month mark, saying exactly the same thing. Often women who used to have jobs they liked, now at home with first baby. Like you say the high is over, the friends stop bombarding you with messages to come see the baby, and you just get this feeling..."oh, so this is my life now". Unlike you, I didn't love my son to bits...didn't really get all the fuss and just wanted my old life back where I could sleep, make myself lunch, head out for a walk with no drama...

GP said give it some time but referred me for counselling. I went to one session but figured I just didn't like babies so stopped going (probably foolish but hey). Now at 18 months he really is the light of my life and I never, ever thought I would say that.

Good luck, rest assured that the 3 month mark is an odd time for most and not at all representative of how you feel in the next 3, 6, 9 months. GP is a good shout. Sometimes just saying your thoughts out loud to a professional can be really helpful.

Definitely agree about Sertraline. I took it for PND too. About 3 weeks after starting it I got up one morning feeling normal? Not on top of the world or anything but I didn't wake up feeling like the day was going to drag or I couldn't be bothered dressing. It really helped. My mum could be horrible about things she couldn't understand and called me an idiot for going on "loopy pills". But she had to admit I was a lot better.

please go and have a chat with your GP this week. No harm and no obligation to take medication. My kids are older now but I was highly anxious after my first despite never having suffered from any mental illness before or indeed afterwards. I was also lonely and terrified of the hours to fill during the day with a baby. I had wanted to be a Mum for so lonf but couldn't understand why it was so hard. Had had a busy professional life ( medical career) and I think it was such a big change . I did get better though and life is good.

Hi OP
Firstly congrats on your baby, secondly welcome to motherhood everything you feel is normal but don't be afraid to see a Dr they will help as long as you are honest with them.
The first few weeks at home I heard are the easiest they weren't for me but that's a different story. You have constant visitors people messaging you then they all fade away. Night times are the quiet times, time to think and drive yourself a little mad.
Don't be afraid to ask for help with hv and Gp. Mental health and anxiety is no longer a taboo subject speak out and you can free yourself from this.

Congratulations on your safe arrival.
Sorry I'm late to the party. Being a new mum, especially a first time one isn't easy. Your baby is three months old, your body is still settling.
You're probably anxious due to your circumstances. You mentioned your friend being absent, not eating healthily etc.
Time and routine is upside down when you have a newborn, could I suggest easier meals. Maybe jacket potato with salad and something like salmon or chicken. You are minimising your prep and cooking then as the potato can be cooking in the oven alongside the chicken breasts etc while you just prep the salad. Minimises the washing up too.
Also, wrap baby up well and go for a walk with the buggy. You don't have to go far, just to the shop's for a pint of milk if needs be. The fresh air and small walk will benefit you both, rather than staying indoors.
Try seeking out mum and baby groups in your area or if you feel up to it, baby swimming groups.
When baby is napping, try to relax with a cuppa and a book or magazine for say 30 mins.
Just do a little each day rather than trying to do everything.
Hope your feeling better soon.

I had D-Mer which is dysphoric milk ejection reflex - the feeling you're describing sounds similar to how I used to feel - not "just" anxious but a churning feeling of panic and disgust and fear and that things were terribly awfully wrong but not knowing why.

It's given me an insight into people who have dysphorias in other spheres like gender - it's a really pervasive, vicious and weird feeling.

It's worth having a read up about it - especially if the feeling intensifies when you're expressing milk. If it is D-Mer then it will subside in time as your hormones settle (it's a hormonal thing I believe).

Anyway - just another perspective. Be kind to yourself, being a mother is tough

I have an 18 month old and I can honestly say the first 9 months was the loneliest time of my life. I have a great partner who is a really hands on dad, but I felt disconnected from everything and everyone; Something felt wrong. I also have great family and friends but I don’t live in the same area anymore. My baby had health difficulties so I struggled with that too and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt.

I’m completely different now. My baby is older, has a great little personality and it feels as though I have (mostly!) good company as opposed to an entirely dependant little baby. It changes everything.

Not having your partner around in the week must be really tough and incredibly lonely. Things will change, but like others have said you may need a little support from your GP to help you through. It does sound like what you are feeling is a manifestation of your anxiety.

You’re not alone, OP. That transition into motherhood and having a newborn baby is really bloody tough!

Xx

Oh my. You mentioned just having had a baby and the new-ish home at first- which just by itself is a challenge to get used to etc.
But then you said your husband is away during the week - that must be SO hard.
You said you knew it would be this way but I don’t think that makes it all that much easier. It must be very lonely. I used to find it hard just waiting for my husband to get home. There is so much you want to share and so much help you need. I used to dream about being able to take a shower that lasted longer than 2 mins.
I think the situation you are in is hard. I don’t think you should feel bad, as though you are happy. Of course, you are grateful you have a healthy baby but that doesn’t stop it all feeling difficult.
Plus you are contending with trying to let your body repair, and the worry of a prolapse.
I think you have received some good advice so I won’t add any but I just wanted to say that I think you are doing brilliantly

How are you doing today OP?