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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to keep birthday party date

49 replies

Chimmychunga · 27/01/2019 23:37

DH is celebrating a milestone birthday and we are having a party to celebrate. Sent all the invites out some by post and some with the invite as a digital copy by messenger.

My FIL's partner messaged to say could we change the date as that's the date her daughter will be renewing her vows and we are all invited along with some other members of DH's family. It's the first time we've heard of it. Not had a save the date or anything.

We could potentially change the date of DH's party but it would be a massive faff as the invites are already in the post and we are busy the weekend before and after so it wouldn't be anywhere near his birthday if we did change. WIBU to say we won't be able to change the date meaning we also won't be able to go to the wedding renewal and don't expect them to come to DH's party but perhaps we could do something together at a later date instead.

Or should I just keep the peace and change it?

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 27/01/2019 23:44

Tricky one! I take it the party is not on your DH's birthday or she may have forseen the clash.

What does your DH want to do, I assume he wants his father there - do the times clash as well as the guest list?

PlaymobilPirate · 27/01/2019 23:46

Vow renewal?! Did you go to the wedding? I'd keep the date- they've had their day already!!

Original poster
Chimmychunga · 27/01/2019 23:51

His birthday is on the Thursday so the Party is on the Saturday.

I didn't go to the wedding the first time round and me and DH were just early days. DH was there though.

He'd like his Dad there but tbh, it wouldn't be the end of the world if he couldn't make it. They'll be lots of people at the party so I doubt theyd spend more than 5 mins chatting as DH will be mingling with all the other guests and manning the BBQ.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chimmychunga · 27/01/2019 23:51

Name change fail

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 28/01/2019 00:53

You can report a post for a namechange fail if you ever need to been there, done that

BBQ glances at weather out of window so the invitations have been sent a fair way in advance then? I wonder why they didn't mention the vow renewal earlier, is that going to be just a service? They are not doing a rerun of the reception as well are they?

ChasedByBees · 28/01/2019 01:01

It is going to be very difficult to change now invites have gone out in the post so I’d decline to rearrange it. They should have told you about the date earlier.

MudCity · 28/01/2019 01:22

Don’t change it. Invitations have gone out...it’s too late to change and will just cause confusion. Your DH’s milestone birthday is as important than the vow renewal, if not more so.

Original poster
Chimmychunga · 28/01/2019 05:17

Yes the party will be in the middle of summer

How does this sound for a reply :

We are unable to change the date but we can always arrange for you to come and celebrate DH's milestone birthday at a later date. It's a shame we will be unavailable for the vow renewal though.

Feels a bit cold, formal and unfriendly?

OP posts:
GottenGottenGotten · 28/01/2019 05:40

'Sorry, had we known we would of course have chosen a different day, but the invitations have been sent and everything booked, so it's really too late to change the date. We can of course get together another time to celebrate. It's a shame we won't be able to make the renewal.'

snitzelvoncrumb · 28/01/2019 05:57

It really depends on how close you are to the people with the vow renewal, and if you want to. I don't think it's unreasonable to say no sorry people are starting to RSVP and it would put people out to suddenly change the date.

Cherrysherbet · 28/01/2019 06:17

I’d change the date to keep the peace, I think. Not worth the hassle.

GoGoGadgetGin · 28/01/2019 06:32

Is the vow renewal on their actual anniversary? And is it a significant date? Id keep your DHs party on its date- cynical me is wondering is your DHs mum still around,and will she be at the party? As in FILS P is maybe expecting you not to change the date?...

user1493413286 · 28/01/2019 06:35

As long as your DH doesn’t mind about his dad I’d keep to that date.

EmUntitled · 28/01/2019 07:06

Since you sent out invites first, and they haven't done "save the date" cards, if anything they should change the date!

I wouldn't change the date. If its only your DHs parents who won't be able to come it's not the end of the world. If half the guests would be off attending the vowe renewal that would be different.

Miane · 28/01/2019 07:09

I don’t think I’d change the date for a vow renewal. I don’t oersonslly think vows need renewing.

I would send polite apologies and make sure to organise something special with DH’s Dad and partner the day before/after.

RhiWrites · 28/01/2019 07:10

You got in first. They will have to flex their plans.

timetoriseandshine · 28/01/2019 07:12

God no, it's a renewal, just another me, me, me Day for them however your DH can't change his milestone birthday.
Infact his dad should be turning down the vowel renewal to attend his sons birthday. I think he's more important than his step child no?

Groovee · 28/01/2019 07:12

I'd send Gotten's message.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 28/01/2019 07:16

I've never know anyone IRL who's had a vow renewal. Only ever on Neighbours when I was growing up. Grin Stick with your plans.

Apple103 · 28/01/2019 07:24

Ask your dh what he wants to do. If he is ok with his dad not being there or not. Then you will know how to approach this

MrsEricBana · 28/01/2019 07:25

I don't think you should change the date but I don't think they would necessarily have informed you yet of the vow renewal in the summer, it being 28th Jan now.

MrsEricBana · 28/01/2019 07:25

Would / should

underneaththeash · 28/01/2019 07:40

I'd keep it too. Your invites have already gone out and changing the date will be too far away from your DH's birthday. I'd call and explain though rather than texting.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/01/2019 07:48

vow renewal ….. I always think 'affair'.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 28/01/2019 07:50

I’d leave it up to your husband, ask him what he wants to do and go from there. If he’s ok with his dad not attending, then keep the date. As you said, you can always get together with them to celebrate another time.

Might also be worth considering if there’s other people you’ve invited, who’ll also be invited to the vow renewal. Are they people who you & dh would miss if they went to that instead?