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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I need to tell the father?

57 replies

anon82913 · 27/01/2019 22:41

I'm currently 17 and around 2 months pregnant. The father is also 17. He and I are not talking and he has blocked both my phone number and social media after an argument we had a couple of weeks ago. Immature, I know, but I don't currently have any way of contacting him and he's made it fairly clear that he wants it this way. We really don't get on and have been on and off and almost constantly arguing for around 3 years now, he's immature and also extremely unreliable, since I've known him he's constantly let me down, said he'd do things, be places, etc.. and never followed through and as well as this I have recently found out that he had a girlfriend at the same time as we were seeing each other. He has also been in a lot of trouble over the past year due to fighting and drugs.

As far as I know, legally I don't have to tell him but I'm more asking morally. I originally thought it was an obvious choice not to tell him but everyone around me is telling me that this would be wrong, leading me to doubt my actual intentions and now I'm not unsure whether I believe that this would actually be best for my child or if it would actually just be better for me.

We don't have any of the same friends so unless I was to tell him it's unlikely he'd find out.

I don't know if anyone can really give me advice as I can't really give every single detail but honestly, I'm just looking for some unbiased input.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 29/01/2019 09:43

What @MrsAdrianeOliver said.

jessstan2 · 29/01/2019 10:57

What MrsAriadneOliver and Bluelady said.

Thehop · 29/01/2019 11:12

Don’t shackle yourself to this tosser forever by having his baby. Please access some counselling to help you decide wether an abortion may be a better option for you

Bishalisha · 29/01/2019 11:26

Have you considered your options OP?

In your shoes if I kept the baby (I wouldn’t), then I’d only tell him once the baby has been born, registered and passport sorted.

Shelby2010 · 29/01/2019 11:42

If you are keeping the baby then you do need to tell him but NOT YET.

Tell him after the baby has been born & you have registered it with your choice of names & without him on the birth certificate.

You don’t need the added stress to your pregnancy if he decides that he want the baby to be given his surname & named after his mother/father. Not being on the birth certificate means he would need to go to court before getting more access than you are happy to give.

If he steps up in the future then he can be added to the birth certificate.
Good luck!

kaytee87 · 29/01/2019 11:44

If you're having an abortion then I wouldn't bother telling him.
If you're keeping it then you should try to tell him.

kaytee87 · 29/01/2019 11:44

Oh yes, if you keep the baby then give it your name and don't invite him to register the baby

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