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Original poster

To think he shouldn’t pay maintenance?!

41 replies

lonesomeonbauble · 27/01/2019 21:02

DBIL has a 3 year old DD. He split from the mum of his DD when she was 1.

DBIL has his child 50% of the time. They alternate each week who does 3 nights and who does 4. It’s absolutely 50/50 on a regular basis but he sometimes has her an extra day, the mum never has her more than her usual amount.

He works full time and arranges his shifts for when he doesn’t have his DD so that he Doesn’t use childcare on his days with her. Lives on his own and purchases all her clothes, shoes and pram shares between him and the mum. Food and everything in his of course

She doesnt work but could On the days she doesn’t have my DN if part time hours as to not pay for childcare. Claims child benefit and lives with her family rent free.

She’s been mentioning of late she wants child maintenance. And the calculator actually shows he should give it to her. HOW ON EARTH? And why??? I don’t understand how just because hes the father she can claim money from him when he pays for all of DN’s belongings and has her half the time. I think it’s disgusting.

OP posts:
ImNotKitten · 27/01/2019 21:03

She can’t claim child maintenance if care is split 50/50.

PippilottaLongstocking · 27/01/2019 21:04

If they’ve got her 50/50 then (in theory) they should each already be providing for her equally so there should be no maintenance

Original poster
lonesomeonbauble · 27/01/2019 21:07

Can anyone suggest what evidence I could advise him to keep if she puts in a claim as proof of 50/50?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 27/01/2019 21:10

Tell him to keep a diary of when he has her and also receipts for anything he pays for.
It would also help if he has her registered to somewhere like school or doctor / dentist at his address.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/01/2019 21:11

The thinking used to be that a child's standard of living should be based on both their parents' incomes and not just on the wealth of who they happened to be in the care of on any particular night. I thought (as others indicate) that the calculation had changed a few years ago though so that real 50/50 care meant no money changed hands

Personally, I think the first principle is more considerate of the child and not unreasonable though I see how, at first sight, it might seem unfair and it is harder to administer.

Consolidatedyourloins · 27/01/2019 21:18

Who did the calculator check?

Porridgeoat · 27/01/2019 21:28

Has his career been effected by having children? What was she doing pre child birth? Who looked after the child in the first year?

sazzle27 · 27/01/2019 21:32

Get your BIL to look online at the calculator to check she hasn't input wrong info/is trying to pull a fast one..
If in doubt he could give them a call to go through calculations - my DP had a good experience of chatting to them on the phone

arethereanyleftatall · 27/01/2019 21:37

There would surely be some circumstances where maintenance is due given what you've written only. What if she gave up her career to look after their child, mutually agreed? What if he earns £599k a year and her £0k - surely the child should live in the same comfort all week?

catsoup · 27/01/2019 21:56

It comes down to day to day care, who can be deemed as the resident parent. 50/50 overnight will still mean he will pay maintenance unless he can prove he is an equal resident parent.

As someone mentioned, who would take charge of doctors, dentist appointments? Who would be the emergency contact for school or childcare etc?

Who child benefit is in payment to is part of the process for determining who is the resident parent for the CMS but is not the overall deciding factor.

remainymcremainface · 27/01/2019 22:13

"She doesnt work but could On the days she doesn’t have my DN if part time hours as to not pay for childcare. Claims child benefit and lives with her family rent free. "

Yeah, because it's easy to find work or childcare that's only every other week and fits perfectly around your child share arrangements.

snowball28 · 27/01/2019 22:18

If she went through CMS she would get the money as the CHB is in her name. It should be either split or he should claim it if he’s having more, he needs to be keeping a diary and adding up how many nights a year he has her. Though CMS won’t pay any attention they’ll just go on what the mum says as she’ll be classed as the resident parent and him the non resident simply because of the CHB. CMS will only pay attention to a court order so best to get one of those or put in a counter claim for the CHB. We learnt this the hard way unfortunately.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 27/01/2019 22:22

Gosh, where are these part time jobs that allow you to dictate which hours you will and won’t work? It’s amazing how many women are supposed to magic one out of the air the moment their relationship breaks down.

Winterberriesonatree · 27/01/2019 22:35

He works full time and arranges his shifts for when he doesn’t have his DD so that he Doesn’t use childcare on his days with her.

If the mother found a job, it is likely that she would not always be able to work around this current arrangement. When the child goes to school it might change again. Is the mother currently flexible when DBIL needs to change shifts, for example?

MidniteScribbler · 27/01/2019 22:36

Yeah, because it's easy to find work or childcare that's only every other week and fits perfectly around your child share arrangements.

Well the father seems to manage it. Or is it only women that shouldn't be expected to work and pay their own bills?

ohreallyohreallyoh · 27/01/2019 22:51

Presumably the father was already in a job and has managed to negotiate on the basis of his previous performance and accountability. That’s very different to being a SAHM one day and being expected to find a job that fits around the ex the next.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 27/01/2019 22:55

Or is it only women that shouldn't be expected to work and pay their own bills?

Who has even suggested that? There is an expectation from the OP however, that the ex works around the father. What if that doesn’t fit with her work patterns? Then what?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/01/2019 22:57

True midnight, but the father quite possibly has the advantage of having worked in the same company for years without a break for maternity, possibly earned bosses trust. The op hasn't clarified how the mother has no job now, could well have been a joint decision once upon a time.

Unihorn · 27/01/2019 22:58

My husband and his ex do a 50/50 split and he doesn't pay maintenance. His ex also earns about £20k more than him too so it would be a bit weird if he ended up paying maintenance...

Also I work in hospitality and it's actually pretty easy to sort shifts in restaurants and bars around childcare requirements.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/01/2019 22:59

Xpost @ohreallyohreallyoh. I didn't copy you I promise, I'm a slow writer.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/01/2019 23:03

My dcs are older now, so it's possibly quite different, but if dh and I were to split and have 50/50 share now, he would definitely have to give me maintenance to make sure the girls continue the lifestyle they are accustomed to, as his earning potential is five times mine. Otherwise they'd be eating fillet steak and doing their piano lessons half the week, and eating beans on toast and going to the park in the other half.

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2019 23:15

Will the current arrangement work when the child is in Nursery/School?

Do his shifts vary, week by week?

The maintenance is easy to sort, he can find everything out online.

MidniteScribbler, as said, the year out for maternity leave and any time off during the pregnancy, really works against you. But either way, these jobs are limited.

sollyfromsurrey · 27/01/2019 23:17

arethereanyleftatall but the DD here is only 3. They split when she was 1. There is not years and years of the mother having been out of employment and having a lower ability to earn. She lives with her family. Can they not help with childcare? It is unreasonable to assume you don't have to work just because you have a child.

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2019 23:18

"Also I work in hospitality and it's actually pretty easy to sort shifts in restaurants and bars around childcare requirements."

That depends on where you live. Hospitality doesn't work like that where I live. My DD and her friends have issues trying to get shifts around college. My middle DD started to date someone, but he's had to end it because they way work is, he doesn't know if he's coming or going.

Then it's about getting enough hours for benefit purposes etc.