To think he shouldn’t pay maintenance?!

[lonesomeonbauble]

DBIL has a 3 year old DD. He split from the mum of his DD when she was 1.

DBIL has his child 50% of the time. They alternate each week who does 3 nights and who does 4. It’s absolutely 50/50 on a regular basis but he sometimes has her an extra day, the mum never has her more than her usual amount.

He works full time and arranges his shifts for when he doesn’t have his DD so that he Doesn’t use childcare on his days with her. Lives on his own and purchases all her clothes, shoes and pram shares between him and the mum. Food and everything in his of course

She doesnt work but could On the days she doesn’t have my DN if part time hours as to not pay for childcare. Claims child benefit and lives with her family rent free.

She’s been mentioning of late she wants child maintenance. And the calculator actually shows he should give it to her. HOW ON EARTH? And why??? I don’t understand how just because hes the father she can claim money from him when he pays for all of DN’s belongings and has her half the time. I think it’s disgusting.

True solly, I'm just making the point that's it's not necessarily black and white. If there is a large disparity in earnings, I would have thought the father would not want the child to go without whatever for half the week.

He needs to get contact formalised through the court whilst he is still doing 50/50.
She'll figure it out soon that under 50/50 contact she is not due anything....and then it wouldn't surprise me if she reduced contact as a means to force him to pay.
The courts will most likely rule in favor 50/50 as this is what's already happening successfully.

If she wants money then she needs to get off her arse and find a job.

Yeah, because it's easy to find work or childcare that's only every other week and fits perfectly around your child share arrangements
So how do millions of other parents (both resident and non resident) manage to hold down jobs and 50/50 contact?
Or are you assuming that the ex should only work on her week 'off'?

how do millions of other parents (both resident and non resident) manage to hold down jobs and 50/50 contact?

Millions? I think you may have your figures wrong there.

50/50 is very complex from a working and childcare point of view. Millions don’t do it.

Of the many 'split' couples I've seen through my work over the years very few do 50/50. In fact hardly any. The ones I've met who do have always had a great deal of 'other' support - new partners doing school runs, in-laws or parents helping with childcare. Without that support I can't imagine it's easy to "just get a job" that works around 50/50 childcare at all.

I don’t know anyone who does 50:50 in reality. I have only ever read about it on here. More traditional is every other weekend and one day in the week. Apart from in my case where ex does two hours a week .

Or are you assuming that the ex should only work on her week 'off'?

She doesn't do alternate weeks. She has 3 full days child free each week. She also has (if not compressed to term time only) a further 11 hours a week if child care; up to about 22 hours if DBiL will let her use all of the free hours.

Many people work under much more challenging circumstances, those arguing she can't work are being disingenuous.

Who has the DD on the weekends?

I don’t know anyone who does 50:50 in reality.

I do. He makes it work with a 3yo despite difficult shift patterns. Not what I'd want to do, it must be hard, but lots of single parents manage difficult situations.

those arguing she can't work are being disingenuous

Who has argued she can’t work?

Does the whole thing work around his shifts I.e. do they arrange how it works around his shifts or does he arrange his shifts

Because if they adapt the schedule to suit him to enable him to work full time she in effect is his childcare and her working could put that in jeopardy

But she doesn't want to work and isn't looking for a job, so whether she could find a suitable one in the 2 years since the split is irrelevant.

She lives at home rent free, receives benefits for the dc, has family support, and is responsible for her child half the week. Instead of getting a job she is asking her ex for maintenance for a child he already supports at least 50% of the time.

Doesn't want more access, just more maintenance. Says it all how she thinks about her child.
I hope your brother takes advice by pp to gather evidence of his access and outgoings on dd, to prove they have 50 50 in case his ex claims otherwise.

Who arranges who buys her clothes and necessities?

By default this is usually the mother. Does dad take her regular clothes and shoe shopping? Does he organises the birthday parties and play dates? Does he do the doctor and dentist appointments?

These things have to also be addressed.

I do 50/50 with my ex-husband with our DD (13). I don't get anything, though he earns a shed load more than me and has remarried and his wife earns even more (am I a teensy bit bitter maybees?....). No, not really - it works fine and he actually pays for stuff I can't afford for our DD (like there was a school trip recently).

The 50/50 arrangement didn't go through the Courts though - it was my idea to try and be fair, as I saw it. I found it very hard in non-financial ways though.

OP, I think the mother you're talking about will work out that under 50/50 contact she is most likely not due anything. If I was your BIL I would be careful though about how he plays this. I've heard about people reducing contact hours, which then means the man DOES have to pay. Or reducing contact out of spite as a result of having to face the legal stuff if they don't want to. Gawd I just reread that and sorry I'm not making a lot of sense. Not enough coffee yet, .

I've been a singe parent since my child was 2, little to no input from his father and I've managed to hold down a full-time job with shifts. I'm lucky as my mum does a lot of childcare.

I'd have been over the moon at having 7 child free days to work in. My life would have been a hell of a lot easier.

She's taking the piss and should be looking at a job. He is working and looking after his daughter so should she. If it was the man not working and her working full-time in shifts there would be cries of 'he needs a get a job, he's not providing for his daughter'

Plenty of people out there work and have children.

My exh and I did 50/50, well 4 days on 4 days off as that's what he changed his work pattern to as he thought it would mean he wouldn't have to pay maintenance,but he still did as i was classed as primary parent.
I bought everything for dc eg clothing for both houses,school stuff, paid for all school trips etc. He felt that as he had to pay me and I got the child benefit and tax credits he didnt have to pay out for them while they stayed with him.
I still think if he hadn't had to pay maintenance i would still have had to pay for it all anyway so the small amount I got helped towards things.

I've just seen this thread again. My comment was in response to OP saying the mother should easily be able to work the week she's doesn't have the child without using childcare. This is not the case.

She could work and use childcare, but she would likely have to still pay for the childcare on the weeks she doesn't need it. Her expenses would be much higher.

Lucky father that he has such a job but they are very few and very far between and it's hardly the mothers fault that she's not one of the lucky few.