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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so angry

70 replies

secretnames · 27/01/2019 20:52

so my stepdaughter she's 12 and lives with me and dh her dad we got her a re-conditioned iphone 6 for christmas even though she only got and iphone 5s last christmas but anyway, she was over the moon

i go to make her bed on friday morning and there is a note in the middle of the made bed (she never does this) saying to santa only, so obviously i open it and it's a letter saying how she got the wrong phone she wanted a 6s and it's the wrong colour

i have seen red! now she has been at her mums this weekend but i want to take the phone off her i am sooooo angry, AIBU?

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 27/01/2019 21:58

Obviously left there for you to see.
Dear dsd,
Sorry you didn't like the phone, leave it on the bed and I'll hand it on to a kid who will appreciate it.
Love Santa.
P.S Coal OK next year ?

MorningsEleven · 27/01/2019 22:02

Seriously? Offended? Poor kid.

DishingOutDone · 27/01/2019 22:10

Have you got kids yourself OP?

Aridane · 27/01/2019 22:15

Do you realise it's illegal to open someone else's post!

shiveringtimber · 27/01/2019 22:21

Ignore the note. Be the adult.

whiteworld · 27/01/2019 22:26

She obviously wants to talk about it, but doesn’t know how to. Make it easy for her. Ask what phones other dc in her class have. Tell her how they’re paid for. See what she says... also maybe talk about being grateful and what other dc have in other countries...

DointItForTheKids · 27/01/2019 22:30

"she obviously wants to talk about it and doesn't know how"

This

Original poster

secretnames · 27/01/2019 22:35

right so i said to her i noticed a note on her bed asked her was everything ok she said yes

i asked why she was writing to santa when we'd already talked and she said she was just joking so i asked was i allowed to know what was in the letter and she said no so i left it at that

her dad then went down to say goodnight and she said was there anyway he would take the phone back and get her another one as she wants to have the best one in her class he explained no that phones are very expensive and she was lucky to have the one she does he asked had somebody said something to her and she said no she just wanted a better model

and yes i have two children a toddler and a baby

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 27/01/2019 22:35

Some of the responses here! She's still just a child, why would anyone be so angry about this? I'd tell her you saw the note and try to gently find out what what's behind it. If she is disappointed, then help her learn how to cope with being disappointed, how to remind herself that she actually probably very lucky compared to some people and that we have to live within our means. If she's being teased, then help her find a way to deal with that.

Taking the phone away in a fit of pique isn't going to help her learn anything, you need to give her the tools to cope with whatever feelings she's having. Getting angry will make her upset, but won't help her to know how to do things differently next time.

NowYouHaveDoneIt · 27/01/2019 22:35

Seems manipulative. Just ignore. Dcs can be crafty. Just laugh to yrself.

Slothcuddles · 27/01/2019 22:40

Just ignore it, she’s 12 ffs, that’s what teenagers can be like.

My ds14 still has an iPhone 5. He wanted a X, like a lot of his school friends for Christmas. So I said yes he could have one, but forget about a new xbox one x, and some other bits he wanted for his bike and computer. He changes his mind then. So he’s saving his pocket money for a 6s now. He’s slowly realising what money can or can not buy and how expensive things are.

On a separate note we’ve started to be honest with him about finances (I’m currently unable to work due to my ill health but used to have a very good salary). So he would ask for things and I would yes, or no as I only have enough for bills until
Next week. So know he will ask ‘do you have any spare money’, so he’s slowly understanding that some things have to wait or be saved up for. (I know not all MN agree with their children mowing their finances)

perfectstorm · 27/01/2019 22:44

Well, I think you both handled that really well, @secretnames. Shall take notes as my eldest is 10, so the phone days are rapidly approaching!

Original poster

secretnames · 27/01/2019 22:47

Thank you @perfectstorm it's a minefield haha she only came to live with us a year ago so i've fast forwarded to the nearly teen years as my eldest is only 19min the!

OP posts:

2ellenor2 · 27/01/2019 22:51

Oh btw there's no visible difference between an iphone 6 and a 6s
If I was that age I'd probably just lie in school that it's a 6s

timetoriseandshine · 27/01/2019 22:51

Eugh just general pre-teen ungratefulness I think.
Either a) write back 'from santa' telling her she is an ungrateful witch
Or b) just tell her she's an ungrateful witch

Original poster

secretnames · 27/01/2019 23:00

@2ellenor2 i know right! I googled it before just to see

OP posts:

Walnutwhipster · 27/01/2019 23:03

It's an absolute minefield but they're also desperate to fit in at school. DD (12) has an iPhone 7 and that's the one she asked for. Amongst DS's friends iPhones are out and android is definitely the way to go. He's 14 and has an S9. Both are careful with their phones.

MorningsEleven · 27/01/2019 23:38

You handled it well. I'm sorry I was harsh earlier. FWIW my tweenager is an ungrateful, stroppy butt pain.

FinallyHere · 28/01/2019 07:17

Perhaps lots of praise for making her bed and agreeing that she is now old enough to make her own bed every day.

Ay have missed point of thread

LadyKalila · 28/01/2019 07:31

She sounds a spoilt child to me. If she's unhappy with the phone you gave her, take it off her until she can appreciate it.

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