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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

I don't like my days off work

25 replies

namechange103 · 27/01/2019 19:24

I don't love days in work, but I am overall happy and get on with the day and get a lot of stuff done.

On my 4 days off (I work part time), I'm just miserable. I'm always exhausted, impatient with my toddler, just feeling generally crap and like getting out of the house is a massive task, I'm left feeling so guilty by the time DS has gone to sleep because I feel like I've just been the worst parent ever.

I only started working part time about 6 weeks ago so it's a fairly new set up for us. Before that I did struggle as a SAHM with finding the energy to get out and about and not feeling crap/miserable.

How can I help this? I feel awful now on Sunday night as I've been pretty much useless for 4 days

OP posts:

RinkeyDinkey · 27/01/2019 19:28

You just need a routine for your days off. Get up early, go to a tots group (make some friends there), go for a walk, home to play or let toddler sleep and you catch up on household stuff, meet friends etch. Plan your days, post on here for ideas. It's all about the routine.

RinkeyDinkey · 27/01/2019 19:29

WooWoo1000 · 27/01/2019 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/01/2019 19:31

I know what you mean

Spend time at work dressing and wanting to be off
Then when I am off torn between the kids , house and life admin (work FT)

This time of year doesn’t really help

AnoukSpirit · 27/01/2019 19:33

That does sound pretty crap. I'm sorry.

What have you tried?

"Activity scheduling" helped me for a while... Having a week planner with hourly slots for all your waking hours. Then you write in all the things you have to do (like showering or making meals, etc) and start gradually by writing in extra small things to do each day to occupy part of your day. Eg a walk round the block, watching a favourite tv programme, planning a meal you really like, etc

From what I remember when it was being shown to me, the idea was to only add one or two extra planned things each day in the first week and then gradually increase it.

The psychology/evidence base behind it is that as you start to force yourself to do more things you start to feel less tired and more motivated, and therefore it gradually gets easier to do more and more until you reach the point where you don't need to schedule it.

It can be easier to force yourself past the "I don't want to do this at all" stage if you have it planned out so can see it's only short and get to tick it off as achieved afterwards. Seeing you are achieving things can make you feel better about yourself and more motivated to do other things.

You just need a single page of a4 per week. I think i set a table up on word, populated the stuff that was fixed, printed a few copies then hand wrote the rest. After a while I didn't print it just referred to it.

I was extremely sceptical, but I tried it and eventually it made a big difference to me. Do you think it's something you could try or that might help?

Are there any other practical barriers getting in your way we could help you to remove?

AnoukSpirit · 27/01/2019 19:35

The other important thing is not to give yourself a hard time for the bad days!

ItsMEhooray · 27/01/2019 19:38

I think it would help if you had an activity planned for your toddler on most of those days. We usually do mum and tots group, visiting family, softplay, swimming. That way I can relax that he didn't spent the entire day stuck in the house watching cartoons and when you're out the house it stays tidy!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/01/2019 19:41

I’m having the opposite problem- work 4 days a week but last week I had to work 5..:feeling rubbish only having had the weekend. I would say that toddlers are hard work, I tend to get out early, do an activity - then home, lunch, nap- by the time they wake up we are nearing dinner and night routine

ItsMEhooray · 27/01/2019 19:41

Oh it also helps massively if you get dressed straight after breakfast, put toddler in the buggy and go for a little walk. it's hard
to do the first few mornings but it really sets the tone for the rest of the day and helps baby sleep better.

Amy326 · 27/01/2019 19:45

I think routine really helps! On one of my days off we have a music group to go to in the morning and I’ve paid for it in advance so we always go and that is really good to just get us out. The routine sort of follows from there, i.e. quick visit to the supermarket afterwards, home for nap, then lunch.... on my other day off I try to make plans in advance to see friends so we have something to do. It’s hard in the winter because it’s not that simple to just nip to the park or play in the garden. But making plans and having a bit of structure definitely helps. Sometimes planning an activity even at home helps, like ‘we’re going to do painting this morning’ or ‘we’re going to bake some buns’ is helpful as you at least feel they’ve done something. Find out what groups are on near you on your days off and try some new things out x

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 27/01/2019 19:48

Feel for you OP. I was part-time for years when the kids were little and you feel like you're meant to be enjoying 'having it all' but sometimes it's hard to settle into either role.

I'd second the routine thing. Or, if you don't want to be stuck with going to certain groups every week, give your son something that feels like 'an event' or a routine, but actually allows you to do what you need to get done. I used to 'theme' days. Sounds brilliant, takes so little effort. The kids thought it was amazing.

Sometimes they were pretty cool and we'd do an activity and some kind of outing on a theme, eg 'the farm' (go to farm, get out plastic horses in the garden when you get home). Sometimes they were total lazy parent days. I did once do 'sandwich day' (they made their own sandwiches. For every meal. I'll collect my parenting medal on the way out.) Point is, they went to bed tired and happy and feeling like they'd had an event. And I felt like they'd 'done a thing' and I didn't have to feel bad.

Honestly, you reading him a story in the morning and taking him to feed the ducks in the afternoon is masses of activity to him. Don't rush to get out of the house. He probably quite likes just being at home with you anyway. Sounds like you need a bit of time for you, too, just to chill out if that's possible somehow?

I'd take those days at home easy. He's probably tired from busy, activity-packed days at nursery or wherever he is when you're at work. Quiet days with not much going on a few days a week sounds like it might be a pleasant thing for both of you.

Hope you settle into it all. Six weeks is all pretty new still. And yes. Starting anything this time of year sucks, as a PP said.

HaggisMcPhaggis · 27/01/2019 19:54

Have you got a carbon monoxide detector in your home? Just wondering if some of your issue was actually your environment?

hidinginthenightgarden · 27/01/2019 19:57

I felt the same when I was only working 2 days. I was so bored. about 6 months after going down to 2 days, opportunity to do 4 days came up and I took it. Much better balance and I appreciate it much more.

Original poster

namechange103 · 27/01/2019 19:57

Thank you everyone!
I definitely do think it's needing a routine. It's a lot easier to get up when you know you have to go to work as opposed to when you know there's nothing that needs done!
I'm going to start jotting a few activities down as of next week for our days off. I'm very grateful that I get to be part time and enjoy 4 days off with DS but I'm just not appreciating it to it's full! Just going to have to push through that initial miserable and severely unmotivated feeling and just do some fun activities, think I put too much focus on having to get up and do washing, cleaning etc rather than fun stuff too!!!
Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:

April241 · 27/01/2019 19:57

Solidarity hug here.

I work full time over 3 days and one week of 4. My days off are stressful, constantly chasing 2 year old toddlers, cleaning, breaking up fights/tantrums etc etc etc. I find my days off very difficult and I find it almost impossible to get out the house with my two, they refuse a pram and would run in different directions if I took them out so we sit in, every day, doing the same old crap.

I don't have any advice because I'm living it myself but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Original poster

namechange103 · 27/01/2019 19:59

Everyone's definitely made me feel better on this thread tonight! Just so easy to get stuck in a rut when you're always responsible for a little human. Sometimes I need that day where I can lie in bed alll day and not even feel slightly guilty!

OP posts:

TulipsInbloom1 · 27/01/2019 20:00

Do you get enough sleep and eat as well as possible? These will have a positive impact on your overall mood and awakeness.

Wauden · 27/01/2019 20:01

Are you getting enough fresh air when at home?
Do you keep your house well ventilated? I feel sluggish if I don't have a window or two open a bit.

Original poster

namechange103 · 27/01/2019 20:04

@TulipsInbloom1 having a difficult time with DS's sleeping at the minute so that's probably having a big impact.

@Wauden this is something I'm very conscious about at the minute - I noticed last week that we have the heating on a lot with no windows open, and sometimes it was as simple as me cracking open a window to feel that slight bit more re-energised.

OP posts:

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 27/01/2019 20:06

I feel you OP- days with my 2 are hard!!!! I'm liking the idea of themed days.....

Ellieboolou27 · 27/01/2019 20:07

Part time worker her too, my 3yo had just started pre school and it makes such a fabulous difference to my days off. Previous to her starting it was clear up make mess all day and very hard to motivate myself. Now she’s at pre school 3 hours I look forward to my days off! This time of year is crap too so doesn’t help.

EgremontRusset · 27/01/2019 20:17

How would your work feel about you spreading your days off out? You say you’ve just had four days off in a row, so thurs-sun. What if you had Tuesday and Thursday off, so except the weekend you didn’t have two in a row?

My DS gets so tired at nursery that when he has to do 2-3 days in a row he’s exhausted the following day, which means it’s harder to get out and do stuff. And for myself I find being at home more tolerable when it’s one day.

user1471426142 · 27/01/2019 20:21

Time of year makes a massive difference. I love summer when you can chuck them outside and they just seem so much easier to entertain. For me, routine is key as is trying to physically knacker my toddler out. I also find paying for a term of classes is far more likely to make me get out of house rather than drop-ins.

EssentialHummus · 27/01/2019 20:56

I hand DD to DH for a little bit in the morning and get showered and dressed. That way by the time DH is off to work all I have to do is get DD into a jacket and shoes, and we're off. I aim for two "outings" a day - one playgroup/activity/friends round/rhyme time, and one errand/mooch round our second home Sainsbury's. Just creates a bit of structure.

kateandme · 27/01/2019 20:56

even if its something like a picnic on Wednesday in the middle of the floor.that means on Tuesday you need to walk to the shop for food.and then prep have it all ready.
then your rwady and come down the next day and have the day on a rug with games and picnic with ur toddler.little things.forward planning.
a story book day.going to the library and getting some books.coming home sitting and reading.
making cards.ight involved going to get some supply.going round the garden for crafty bits.
baking cakes.again getting to the shop for supply then the making.
even watching films together with the duvet.it doesn't need to be huge for your toddle to feel lloved and included with you.
do you get help.is there anything youd like to do for yourself.hair?swim or gym?
I remember from when I was little the down days.i don't remember big activitys or huge days out but the thing I felt loved and cared for.the bike rides.the tv days.making cards or bookarks.being read to.making chippy and egg tea or cupcakes.making dense or teddy bears picnics.

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