To think DC should have learnt more.....

[Lavenderee]

My oldest DC has been having weekly piano lessons for 3 years. They have a piano at home, they asked to learn it, every support was given to them. Their piano teacher was specifically selected to support their special need, the location, duration, atmosphere and pace were all carefully thought out. 3 years, every week, except the six weeks holiday, Christmas and Easter. So, 42 weeks a year, 126 lessons and 2 hrs practice at home each week.

DC has not made any progress past what they learnt in the first couple of months. DC cannot remember where to put their hands. Can’t remember which notes are where. DC cannot read music. DC cannot play a single tune without error, and certainly has not progressed to chords or anything else. Think “Morning has broken” in simple single note version. That’s the stage, after 3 years, and it can’t be done without error or with proper speed and rhythm. When I told the piano teacher that DC was not going to be continuing as they felt bored by it, she said “Well, they’re simply not getting it. No matter which way you try. They just don’t get it. I’ve never known anything like it.”

Has anyone else had such an experience? I can’t play an instrument so i don’t know, all I know is that all the other kids who haven’t even been going as long have passed their grade ones and twos and are looking at three, but DC is nowhere near.

I had a music teacher who once asked me this:
“If you have 3 students , one is extremely talented but isn’t bothered, one has a bit of talent and is semi interested and the last one has no talent but loves it- which do you encourage?”
So I of course said the middle one but he said no you stick with the one who loves it even if they will never be good at it, you be the one that encourages them anyway.

So it’s possible your child’s teacher thought your child was really enjoying the lessons/practice if they weren’t progressing and that’s why they never mentioned a problem?
I’d let them stop the lessons and they can continue to play around on the piano with the headphones on if they want to

YANBU to have expected the teacher to summarise your DC's progress regularly and to tell you frankly that they were not making progress in any significant way. But it may well be that your DC might not manage an "easier" instrument either, if they are struggling with reading music as well.

Not that I know anything about it. I suspect I have dyspraxia as well as ASD; I am clumsy, can't judge distances or speeds very well, can't catch or throw. But I am also a complete dud music wise. I cannot understand notes, I can't march to a beat, clap/beat time accurately, I am totally tone deaf and can't sing a note. I am utterly hopeless.

At least your child can sing and enjoys it, I would concentrate on that side of things as it's likely to have a positive effect on their life, and worthwhile doing.

I honestly can’t get past you forking out nearly 3 grand over 3years and never sitting n on a lesson, or having a look at his practice book or asking for a report or asking him to show you what he’s been doing....

^This^

DC is home educated so we take quite a relaxed approach to anything extra curricular. I would never force DC to practice or shut them away with their instruments
I think you've been too relaxed in your approach to the point of neglect.
If YOU don't take it seriously and don't encourage your dc to either the the result shouldn't be a surprise.
2 hours practice a week is nowhere near enough practice (esp given the extra learning needs) - half an hour of daily practice at the very least would have been better at building up their muscle memory and helping them learn how to read/play music.

You didn't teach your dc self discipline when it comes to practicing/learning and instead view any kind of firm parenting or encouragement as 'forcing' your dc

The fact is that you were happy to 'indulge' your dc but didn't encourage or insist dc takes personal responsibility for practicing or asking for help if they didn't understand what they were meant to be learning.
You, as the parent, also neglected to check your dc's progress and you never once asked for a progress report from the tutor.
The tutor should have beemn giving you regular progress reports too but they probably saw your permissive 'relaxed' style of parenting and realised it would be a waste of time and energy.
So the only people who are to 'blame' as such are you and your dc.

2 hours practice a week is nowhere near enough practice (esp given the extra learning needs) - half an hour of daily practice at the very least would have been better at building up their muscle memory and helping them learn how to read/play music

Total nonsense. Which then negates the other rubbish that folliwed. OP, ignore this.

My children-now both quite serious musicians-did 15-20 minutes formal practice a day at this age. More in the run up to an exam or a performance. Obviously this increased as they got older.

I know heebiejeebie quoted me-and I stand by what I said. I disagree almost entirely with what she says though!

Without knowing the full details of your child’s difficulties it’s impossible to know whether they were capable of learning more.
I’m not really sure how you were in the dark about their progress. You knew that children who started after your child were on grade 3 and he hadn’t yet done grade 1???
‘Great lesson’ could mean many things. It could mean that they followed instructions better than usual, that they managed a full lesson without becoming distressed for eg. I think you should have asked for more detail if that’s what you wanted.

A minimum of 30 mins practice a day?

Bollocks. That's guaranteed to make music a thing of punishment, rather than enjoyment.

10 minutes a day is plenty for most kids (and adults). Odds are, once they start, they'll run over, but ten minutes isn't a horrifying length of time to contemplate doing something that isn't easy.

Most don't even do that - but one of my students wasn't even particularly interested until they realised they could be in the warm during break if they 'did something musical', so started spending 10-15 minutes each weekday morning at a keyboard.

Four months later and they are easily the most instinctive/adaptable pianist there, as they've learned 'feel' and confidence with just a few pointers/refreshers on building chords (more satisfying than plonking along to a metronome). They're not going to get a high grading for following dots, but they are going to be able to play what they hear both externally and in their head.

And that's from 15 minutes a day with distractions (as I let others in on condition they do the same 'something musical').

It's frequency and enjoyability of practice, not duration and endurance, that makes the difference.

By the way, if anybody's wondering how to get their child to practice, I favour psychological tactics.

Tell them to tidy their bedroom/do something less entertaining instead. I'll be you a shiny new 5p piece that you hear them start to play.

actually i agree with a lot of what Heebie said.
The mother HAS neglected to 'check up' on her ds paino tuition/skills - and using her dc's anxiety as an excuse is just disgusting.
If she'd listened to the recordings of their playing at least she would have realised this a lot sooner and been able to act on it.
She wanted her dc to reach a certain level of proficiency yet never actually checked in with him OR the tutor to check progress in 3 years
The 'blame' shouldn't be on the tutor.

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