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AIBU?

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Original poster

How much payment to offer?

68 replies

FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 13:17

Friend is doing me a favour as of Monday by taking my daughter to school each morning. She’s going that way with her own kids. She lives 5 minutes walk from me but will drive to school. Slight detour en route to the school to pick up my daughter so not out of her way per say, however, I want to offer her something by way of payment but wondering what others would consider offering? Is £5 a week to much/little? I can’t offer booze as a thankyou as she doesn’t touch it so I want to offer her money for fuel.

Thoughts??

OP posts:
Original poster
FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 14:56

I would find it hard (a bit demeaning really) to accept money

This is something I think she feels. I’ve offered to pay her before for other favours but she point blank refused, smiled at me and walked away from me (not in a rude sense).

I like the idea of saving it up if she does decline it though so there is a plan B.

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 27/01/2019 15:05

If she refuses I'd give her a voucher at the end of the month. Maybe in a card so it's hard for her to give it back.

spritesandunicorns · 27/01/2019 15:08

I wouldn’t accept money for that if I was happy and had offered to do it and I don’t know anyone who would either. Unless it’s an agreement to make a little extra cash I think offering money is a bit awkward. She’s not really going out of her way although it’s really kind of her to do this for you daily. I would either buy her flowers or some nice hand creams as previously suggested or take her for coffee and cake etc maybe every half term to show your appreciation.

Original poster
FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 15:13

I would either buy her flowers or some nice hand creams as previously suggested or take her for coffee and cake etc maybe every half term to show your appreciation

These are good suggestions, thank you!

OP posts:
missnevermind · 27/01/2019 15:18

Me and a friend do this for each other. If I gave her money she would be really upset and offended.
I would offer the once at the beginning but when she says no I would put £5 a week in a pot and take her for coffee and cake or a lunch quite regularly, or buy a gift for her hobby as she doesn’t drink.

Original poster
FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 15:28

she would be really upset and offended

I really hope she won’t be...!

OP posts:
ThePants999 · 27/01/2019 15:30

I'd really try to find a way to even things out rather than offering payment. Anything you can do in return? E.g. take her kids for half term or something?

gymbummy · 27/01/2019 15:35

I wouldn't mind doing this for a friend and wouldn't take petrol money but I would LOVE the offer of baby sitting every couple of weeks in return

wildbhoysmama · 27/01/2019 15:39

The baby sitting or voucher for a nice pedicure/ manicure/ massage every month is a lovely idea, I know I would love that.

RB68 · 27/01/2019 15:45

How about offering a supermarket voucher per month - then she is free to spend on food or petrol as she wishes

I would say £30 a month is fine if nothing is expected - not too much for you and not too little for her

Trumpton · 27/01/2019 15:46

For me it wouldn’t be about the money but having yr daughter absolutely ready to get in the car the moment it draws up. A bit like a bus rather than a taxi iyswim.
Drives me loopy when I offer someone ( of any age ) lift and they are not ready and still faffing .

Original poster
FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 16:12

Yes daughter will be ready as she knows traffic can be very busy and that friend goes elsewhere after her drop off. We’ve discussed this thoroughly with her.

OP posts:
Gitfeatures · 27/01/2019 16:56

How did this arrangement come about - did you ask or did she offer?
I think 10 is reasonable, but I think it's more important for her to have a way of ending the arrangement without feeling awkward/guilt, if a few weeks down the line she decides it's not working for her.

Original poster
FriendOfAFriendOfAFriend · 27/01/2019 17:04

It came about because she offered, I thought about it then I asked again to make sure it was still ok.

Everyone’s made some very good points so I’m going to think about how to make sure she’s not put out and doesn’t feel trapped.

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 27/01/2019 18:26

I think don’t just offer the money, insist on it.

Also tell her that if at any point the arrangement no longer works for her then to please just say so and you will understand completely. Circumstances can change with work, health, the kids not getting along etc.

rookiemere · 27/01/2019 18:45

If she doesn't want money don't force it. I made the mistake of giving a neighbour who had DS for a few days in the summer holidays a voucher for a local restaurant . She seemed put out rather than pleased.
So maybe offering to babysit or a spa voucher or something would be better.

PotteringAlong · 27/01/2019 18:48

I pay £8 a morning for breakfast club so she’s saving you £40 a week. I’d split the difference and give her £20.

HaggisMcPhaggis · 27/01/2019 18:57

If she refuses £ then how about as a PP suggested insist that you babysit for her at least once a month?

EmeraldShamrock · 27/01/2019 19:09

Can you get her a monthly fuel voucher for £20. I woukd get one to start with then at the end of every month going forward, the only issue is if you are paying her, she might feel obliged to do for the long-term.
How long is the arrangement for.

PopUpAd · 27/01/2019 19:18

Wont it invalidate your friends car insurance if she takes payments for lifts?

Bluelady · 27/01/2019 19:19

If I offered to do something nice for someone and they offered me money I'd be quite offended. It's hard to be offended by a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates though.

Porridgeoat · 27/01/2019 19:25

I think it’s a big ask so £10 to cover petrol. She would otherwise walk

ilovekale · 27/01/2019 19:27

How about offering to look after her kid an evening every six weeks or so, so she can have a date night / night off with her OH or just time to herself.

CallMeVito · 27/01/2019 19:31

Completely agree to offer either petrol money or babysitting.

MN hates people doing things for free, but in the real world, it's pretty insulting if you offer to do someone a favour and they offer you a tip for it.

If she declines, save the money and take her kids to a park or something (maybe not Legoland, but something in that spirit), or take them all for a pizza with her.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/01/2019 19:36

I think £10 a week for fuel is reasonable

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