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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“He belongs to us”

41 replies

Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 11:39

Said by FIL when I told him and MIL that DS would not be having sleepovers (or any alone time for that matter) with them.

They are drinkers. They are irresponsible. They take SIL’s children in the car without car seats and lie to BIL, a policeman, about it. MIL told me, proud of the fact.

There are a dozen other reasons including bad language and teaching the children to chant football chants (putting other teams down and being “blue til I die”) about the team FIL supports.

Anyway, Aibu to think he doesn’t “belong to them“?

OP posts:
Original poster
Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 11:41

DH agrees with me btw.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 27/01/2019 11:41

Of course yanbu. He doesn't belong to anyone. And they have no "right" to have him for sleepovers if you don't feel comfortable with it - whatever the reasons.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 11:42

Well you know they are deranged . Sounds like you have the correct measure of them.

Pyotrkrolik · 27/01/2019 11:42

Erm no he does not ‘belong’ to them. He is a member of their family but you don’t get to own a person imo. They sound utterly irresponsible and unable to care for your DS safely. You are doing the right thing!

SlowCookedBrexit · 27/01/2019 11:43

Yanbu and they'd be told to fuck of. They sound unhinged

Original poster
Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 11:45

Thank you all. Just got on top of me today. They go on and on about being second parents and I need them just to stop it.

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 27/01/2019 11:45

You know the answer of course. YANBU and no one will say different.
However YABU if you don't tell BIL of the risk they take with his DC. You must speak up to him if you haven't already.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 11:46

I reported exh for lack of car seat use. Suggest you do too.

Kikipost · 27/01/2019 11:47

You just tell bil as a matter of urgency

Original poster
Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 11:54

BIL is estranged from SIL and I don’t have his details. I will report the car seat thing elsewhere though, where do I do that? I know their address but not the registration of the vehicle because it’s one FIL brings home from work occasionally. Might even be different ones.

OP posts:
Kikipost · 27/01/2019 11:55

Is sil aware?

Honestly this should be a priority of yours

CrabbyPatty · 27/01/2019 11:56

You need to tell the child's parents about the car seat issue so they can make a decision to protect their children from this. However, if there is a specific time they get in the car without car seats contact police via 101.

SaturdayNext · 27/01/2019 11:57

Does SIL know about the car seats?

If I were you I'd go very low contact with the PILs. It's obvious they can't be left in charge of your son and it isn't good for him to be around drinkers who use bad language anyway. Plus I really couldn't tolerate the "second parents" nonsense and that would be the easiest way to put a stop to it.

Kikipost · 27/01/2019 11:59

As for who to report to.
Contact local police station
Explain you know that your in laws are putting children at risk by not using car seats and whether they can help you.

EatingElephantsisCF · 27/01/2019 11:59

Your children are yours. You cannot leave them with irresponsible people regardless of who they are, end of .

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 12:03

Remember even as dgps they have no rights to your dc.

Original poster
Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 12:07

Yes SIL knows. She doesn’t care and seems to like getting one over on STB EX BIL.

OP posts:
Kikipost · 27/01/2019 12:08

Right, in that case, you must take the reigns

We are not talking about something trivial here. We are talking about your niece/nephew safety.

Police station. ASAP.

Original poster
Deadmansdrop · 27/01/2019 12:10

We don’t live that close so I dont know the exact times they are out in the car unfortunately. They don’t do the school run or anything, it’s weekends I think when SIL is working. She drops them off at the PILs and takes her car to work but doesn’t leave the car seats. Don’t think they’d even fit in works car.

OP posts:
badirene · 27/01/2019 12:13

They go on and on about being second parents

So present them a bill for their half of their DC upkeep, that will soon shut them up.

Report for the lack of car seat and then avoid them, they sound irresponsible and unsafe to have around kids .

Kikipost · 27/01/2019 12:14

It doesn’t matter

You need to tell the police that you are concerned and know this is happening but you don’t know much detail and what do they suggest.

They will advise

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2019 12:14

Are they Welsh by any chance? In Wenglish 'belong to' just means 'related to', it shows a family relationship rather than ownership.

Iloveautumnleaves · 27/01/2019 12:21

I’d tell DH that I am going NC with them and that means DS too. If he doesn’t want to, that’s his decision, but he’s not to try to convinve you, guilt you or repeat any of the crap they come out with. You don’t need that shit in your life, vile twats.

Steamedbadger · 27/01/2019 12:21

I'm with you on most of this OP but football chants?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/01/2019 12:22

Gwenhwyfar beat me to it. We always say we are "belonging" to our extended family.

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