To ask for help with managing the bane of my life that is Fortnite?

[Fortshite]

Ds 10yo has recently been allowed to play Fortnite.

Quite frankly it has turned him into an arsehole overnight, I thought the fucking minecraft phase was bad.

I already limit games console significantly. It's not allowed on week nights, it's generally limited on the weekend to a couple of hours in the morning, then an hour or so some time later in the day, that's if we're home all day. We don't have televisions upstairs so he can't just take over the lounge all day anyway.

One day on it today and he sounds like a friggin addict, begging to go back on it, trying to get us out of the room so that he can play, he's moody, he's irritable, he's aggressive, he's being lazy. He's not usually like this at all.

He's currently upstairs having spent 5 minutes sobbing and chasing me around the house begging to be allowed on it tomorrow because I said that he wasn't allowed to play on it after all the behaviour today.

I don't want to ban it altogether because I know his friends play too, but I can't bear the way it makes him.

As poster mentions above sometimes you are all stuck in because someone's ill or weather is really bad. I don't worry too much about ds doing a lot of gaming at these times. If they are on fortnite at least they are actively participating and talking to friends which I'd much prefer to them passively watching tv and I think it's probably unrealistic to expect them to be happy filling a stuck in weekend at home with reading books or playing with toys (my ds will do a bit of both but most of the time he'd want to be playing on electronics).

I do think the mind is too young at ten so don’t feel bad if you do want to get rid of it

My DCs are too young for this to be an issue yet, but a good friend had to restrict the game to WEs as the behaviour of her younger son was getting awful...

Trouble is he cheats and will quickly start another game. Other problem is if we're going out, he's ignoring us when we're saying to get ready because he won't come off the game

This tells me he's not ready yet. Some kids can't handle it emotionally. He quite simply could be too young for it.

You could always list the rules and the consequences if he can't stick to them. Let him know he's close to losing the game until he's older and stick to it.

It's not worth it, I have no problems banning games when the bolshy arsehole comes out of them.

I work in a secondary school and have had so many parents reporting similar concerns to you about this game, OP. Parents describing sudden personality changes, emotional meltdowns, obsessive and aggressive behaviour from previously well behaved and placid kids...i've had this reported to me far too many times for it to be a coincidence.

All the usual advice that I give parents about agreeing time limits and boundaries, playing the game together, use time on the game as a reward etc just don't seem to work with this particular game. Several parents have actually told me Fortnite is ruining their home life which as far as I'm concerned is not something that they should accept. I realise that peer pressure is a powerful thing but do not be afriad to be strong and ban this game in your child's best interests. They will get over it and despite what they might tell you, they will not be the only ones in their class/friendship group not allowed to play it. Many, many parents are banning the game now as they've realised that it is no addictive and ultra-competitive that trying to get their DC to play it in moderation simply doesn't work. But that won't stop DC using the old "I'm the only one not on it" trick as they know full well it tugs at their parents heartstrings.

I know a lot of kids that have ended up addicted to Fortnite and have become very aggressive, irritable, and moody when they aren't playing it. Not sleeping well at night etc. Most of the parents have ended up just completely getting rid of the games console.

This is what I would do, OP.

I have no idea why but Ds (13) has switched from Fortnite to Uno. That card game we used to play why back when, same design but online. He is happier when he plays it rather than Fortnite, laughing etc

I do think it affects mood a fair bit, it is just the right amount of tension to force people into a particular mindset

OP, if he's stuck inside with an ill sibling I think it's ok to relax your rules slightly. If he sees that you can be flexible it may encourage him to be mature about it too?

*Most of the parents have ended up just completely getting rid of the games console.

This is what I would do, OP*

How hysterical

My young grandsons play it....too much imo.
Having sat and watched them play it I'm surprised they don't get fed up because it looks boring. All I see is a character running around smashing and shooting things and then building some sort of ramp.
I can't stand and the way the characters run....they look like they've shit their pants
Still, I'm old so what do I know?! 😂

Its actually quite a boring game. We used to have problems with it and did things like take the cosole away for few weeks but then, suddenly eldest decided it was boring and only plays it occassionally and youngest still likes it but prefers minecraft. It was literally like a bubble bursting and came after a few days of unlimited screen time at the end of the christmas hols when i was ill. We are back to limited screentime now but with far less angst.

If it's any consolation, it's definitely a phase. DSS was obsessed with it for all of about four months, DSS mum bought all the add ons and spent so much on vbucks and we weren't going to play catch up at our house, so DSS got used to playing different games when he was at ours (every weekend). His friends play it but he's moved onto other games now and barely touches Fortnite now. I do miss the Minecraft days, loved watching him play and learn from that!

Does your DH game? That's one of the advantages of my DH - he games, so DSS is interested in what he plays, and as a consequence has moved onto to more structured games again like Destiny.

does your kid read enough books? Are they articulate? Do they interact well otherwise? If yes then there is like not issues.
Otherwise they need to rein it in.
In japan there are men who now just don’t leave their rooms because their online gaming and internet access is out of control.

If your DS reacted in such a way after eating/drinking something, would you give it to them again?

If they have entered a game they need to be allowed finish. So no sudden announcements that dinner is ready as they will have to pull out in the middle of a game with their friends which causes all that disappointment

I'm not sure about this. Isn't being inconveniently pulled from what you are doing with your friends just part of being a child sometimes. This sounds like the online 2010s equivalent of the 1990s issues of being mid football game with your friends in the park/street/garden and hearing your mum yelling for you to come in for tea NOW even though you'll make the teams uneven and upset your friends. Or being engrossed in an episode of a tv programme which you can't record/pause and being told 'we are going out NOW. Get your shoes NOW.'

I'd say that if there's no particular reason for them to stop other than their time allowance being up then sure, let them finish their game. But I wouldn't let it rule the household to the point that if you need to do something or go somewhere it must wait till the end of a computer game.

But then I haven't seen the game so maybe my comparisons are unfair.

After experiencing the change in my DS’s personality after playing this game, and having so many ultimatums fail we decided to delete it. I had been saying for a long time that I thought the game was to blame for the issues we were dealing with, it sounds dramatic and unbelievable but I was proven right !

I have no idea what the issue is with this stuff. You bought the game, he likes it.

Sit him down and tell him that you are seriously thinking about taking the game away from him because his behaviour is so bad. Tell him that you would like to trust him and give him a weeks grace. Tell him that if his behaviour during that week has any tantrums, whining, crying, logging back into a game when he shouldn't, as a result of that game, then it will be removed. End of. And mean it. And tell him, do not negotiate or ask him just tell him in clear terms what's going to happen. No shouting, arguing, or cajoling, just clear concise instructions in a firm, quiet voice.

For your part, tell,him that you will not make him stop whilst he is in the middle of a game, you will give him notice of how long he has left, and he can have a set number of hours on it.

We need to stop letting our children dictate our lives. You are the grown up and you make the rules.

My DS has had this for around 18 months and I think he deals with it well, we don't get any bad behaviour around it. We let him play a little after school then at the weekends a little in the morning and the evening. We go out all day at the weekends, he knows this and he has learnt arguing is futile, he doesn't get a day at home on Fortnite all day. I think limiting the time to whatever works for you and sticking to it is the answer, if that doesn't work then get rid of it.

I would ban it if I were you.

It's obvious that no good is coming out of it. It sounds like he's too young to handle it.

The poster upthread is right. For all the protestations there will be many others in his peer group who don't play because their parents don't allow it.

I'm going to preface this with the fact I'm a gamer and I stream on Twitch (a variety of games but I do stream Fortnite)

My DD1 (9) has been asking to play for a while as her friends play etc. I have said no, even though I play myself. It is a very addictive game and easily becomes toxic.

So what we do is she'll watch me play with my usual squad mates to see and listen to how we interact. I'm a chill gamer so rarely rage at anything so she can see that ypu can lose but not get mad at the same time.

Skills wise she is ready to play but maturity wise I want her to be aware of the other issues first so she is sticking to Minecraft, Spyro etc until I'm happy she can handle it.

We all know our children best and if it becomes harmful then the best thing to do is stop them playing until they are ready

We let ds10 on it under supervision. I leave the room ( because it does my head in) but I’m in the room next door so I can hear what’s going on
Any aggressive behaviour or nastiness from him or any of his friends online ( who we know - no strangers) and it goes off instantly. If we feel it’s impacting his behaviour or he breaks our rules over it there’s a 24 hour ban. We set out these rules very very clearly before we allowed him to have it and he agreed to have it on those terms. If he doesn’t like the rules I’m happy to delete the whole game
So basically very firm rules and boundaries up front and absolutely no deviation from them

And DS gets asked 3 times to get off the game. If no joy after the 3rd time I just turn the TV off

You are the parent. It is a 12 certificate game. Tell him no.

I’d take it away.

But in the absence of that, you need to enforce your boundaries that he doesn’t ‘cheat’ by starting another game. And if he does, then there’s a consequence. You’re teaching him to self-limit, recognise when something is bad for him, co-operate and recognise others needs.

I do understand what you mean by peer pressure - but then what will you do if all his friends are drinking by 12 and taking drugs by 14? Just say OK?

Fortnite is a tough one because it's the perfect storm of gaming problems. It's almost like a gambling addiction - just one more game. And with it being live online gaming, you can't pause, it's very very easy to lose an hour and feel like it's been ten minutes. It has the competitive element and the team game element rolled into one, plus it's a lot of kids' first experience of being able to play a game online with their mates, so it becomes an extension of their downtime at school and it's like being allowed to hang out whenever. Then an adult comes along and demands it switched off right this second, and with all that reptilian brain activated and firing away, kids go bananas at them. It's frustrating but understanding. I think a lot of parents think the rating is OTT 'because it's only cartoon violence' and what they don't seem to understand is that it's more than that: it's the whole game experience that makes it a 12 and makes it very difficult for young people who haven't developed their self control to stop at a reasonable time (why would they? They're young! Mine would eat ice cream until he threw up if there wasn't a responsible person providing the right size portion for him). Peer pressure surrounding it is crazy, and I wish more parents would stand up to their kids a bit more and say no instead of caving then regretting it. The game itself isn't inherently bad, but the number of families using it irresponsibly is causing huge problems for kids and for schools.
Time/number of games limits are fab, especially if you rigidly stick to it. Mine are too young to touch Fortnite but eldest would happily play Minecraft/Terraria/Mario until he starved to death, so he has a time limit at at that point has to save, switch it off without complaining and then go do something else. I do think just yelling "time to turn it off!" isn't necessarily the best way, but going in, sitting down, letting him finish the game he's in and then turning it off together after that is a gentler approach. Anything to calm the situation down a bit. And ask about what's happened/who was playing/who won/any cool new skins involves you a bit more and he might engage in a chat about it, instead of it being this thing nobody else understands and mum just doesn't get how important it is and omg how dare she make me turn it off I just wanted one more tiny game and now I hate everything raaaaaaah.