To ask for help with managing the bane of my life that is Fortnite?

[Fortshite]

Ds 10yo has recently been allowed to play Fortnite.

Quite frankly it has turned him into an arsehole overnight, I thought the fucking minecraft phase was bad.

I already limit games console significantly. It's not allowed on week nights, it's generally limited on the weekend to a couple of hours in the morning, then an hour or so some time later in the day, that's if we're home all day. We don't have televisions upstairs so he can't just take over the lounge all day anyway.

One day on it today and he sounds like a friggin addict, begging to go back on it, trying to get us out of the room so that he can play, he's moody, he's irritable, he's aggressive, he's being lazy. He's not usually like this at all.

He's currently upstairs having spent 5 minutes sobbing and chasing me around the house begging to be allowed on it tomorrow because I said that he wasn't allowed to play on it after all the behaviour today.

I don't want to ban it altogether because I know his friends play too, but I can't bear the way it makes him.

We manage perfectly fine without banning it.

DS10 is allowed to play on a Wednesday and a Friday for an hour. He's allowed to play for two hours on a Saturday if he has done all his chores and homework.

Any moaning, asking for longer, asking to play on other days, asking for time extensions, being ratty when he comes off etc. AT ALL means he loses it for the next Fortnite day. Zero tolerance.

Works fine, he's not obsessed, knows if he whines its gone.

Banned in our house. All parent warned by school the damaging effects it was having on pupil behaviour. Not all children have the self discipline to not become addicted to the game because of the way it rewards users. Then you have your battles to fight as a parent as it's difficult to close that door once it's opened. After first hand feedback from other parents, I have kept that door well and truly shut. You think it's just a game but it's destroyed some families.

Some kids just can't cope with these games, your kid is one of them.

My dd was the same with the Sims, awful, we tried restricting. She just obsessed and kicked off until her next time no matter how many times she lost the game because of it.

I binned the game. Problem solved. You need to do the same.

On the other hand ds also has games etc they all live in his room.

He happily restricts himself and comes off when asked. If it's a choice between going out and staying in on his game he'll opt to go out.

Some kids can handle gaming and some just can't and it has a massively, detrimental effect.

Every child is different. Some will manage fine, some will do ok with parental coaching, some will be horrific. Its the nature of addictive substances. Look at how differently people deal with alcohol, weed etc. Only you know how your dc is dealing with it and if you need to ban it, manage it or let them loose. But look closely at your dc, remember this is a potentially addicitve situation and in that scenario social pressure MUST take a back seat to the health and safety of your dc

Talk to him about 'your friends DS' who is behaving badly after being on fortnite. See what he suggests. Might help him see it from another perspective and it doesn't make it a battle. Just a suggestion as I know this wouldn't work for every child but it's an easy one to try.

His behaviour proves that it’s not good for him.

Our primary school have asked parents to stop their kids playing it. It has an age limit of 12. It’s causing fights and problems in the playground.

I know kids who have smashed screens when losing or hit siblings who beat them or stolen from parents to pay for items in games. They only leave their rooms to eat and don’t want to get dressed or leave the house. It can be a real addiction.

I think you need to discuss with him and say he’s not old enough if he can’t step away from it without problems. He’s definitely below the age limit for it anyway.

I know several parents who have sold the gaming equipment due to the hassle it’s caused.

I agree with geekone about keeping your DS occupied in other ways. My three DC (age between 9 and 13) all play Fortnite, but they also do loads of sport, play a musical instrument, enjoy reading and playing other games etc etc.

My kids do other stuff too but there is big pressure at school to play fortshite and it is a main topic of conversation. We too have problems with it. Aggression, can't stop playing, constantly nagging to play even when he knows the rules, cheating the rules.
We are on 2 week ski holiday. Ds2 was excited until he realised 2 weeks no fortshite. constantly asking when we are going home. Had a little meltdown before we left saying he didn't want to come. Waiting to see how long before withdrawal wears off......

He is young. I’d get rid of it

We have always had a no electronics be for school and after 7pm rule (recently changed to 8pm). Added to that is the fact that he's out at school 5 days a week and we are usually doing things over quite a lot of the weekend. After that ds can use his free time however he wants (not literally!) so long as bedroom tidy and homework done. Having said that I was starting to get a bit worried be for Christmas that Fortnite was becoming an obsession then suddenly after Christmas he stopped playing. I'm actually worrying now that he's not interacting with his friends as one of the positive things about fortnite was that it really built some of his friendships just as he was starting senior school.

The problem with multiplayer games is that you are invested in compleating, can't pause, and if playing with real life friends dont want to let them down.

So if he is playing the co op version and at a hour they are almost done and he has to come off then thats going to make him stressed and at 10 he may struggle with it.

So maybe if a round takes 45 mins allow him either 45 mins or 1.5 h but not a hour as that tempts him to start a new round that he then is always having to quit in the middle.

Or if its continus play mode help him set timers for 15 mins left so he can draw things to a conclusion before logging off.

"before" - blooming spellchecker!

We went through the exact same thing. We sat our DS down (he’s 11) and laid down the rules. We have set up screen time restrictions on his xbox account so he can see when his time is about to end, once it’s done it’s done. Any complaints and the restriction stays on. Sometimes we are more relaxed with it, as he’s a very active boy, we all like to relax and unwind - some people read, some people binge watch tv, kids these days like to play on their consoles or iPads - they’re just different times we are living in.
If it’s any consolation the moody phase didn’t last long. I think it’s worse if he is new to the game and still learning how to play it. Ultimately, we told our son that if he is eliminated he can start another new game... it's really not the end of the world and worth ruining his day for... and once my son realised this and saw it for what it was, a game that is meant to be fun, he stoppped with all the tantrums.

Livingdeadgirl - really agree about the not pausing issue. I do think that some of the issue is parents not realising how Fortnite is played. The multi player games last about 20 mins usually and you are going to really upset your friends if they are playing in a group with you and you disappear at a crucial point so they lose. I liken it at times to how you would feel if you were really engrossed in watching a film and five mins from he end your DH walked in to the room, switched it off and demanded you come for tea! We always gave our ds plenty of warning if tea was going to be ready or we were going out so he wouldn't start a new game. It's not an issue with most of his other games as you can just pause or its only a minute or so to the next checkpoint.

I do agree that if you let him he should be able to finish the game

@MarieMorgan yes that comparison is exactly right with the TV show. Our son is still a baby but we know how it feels as he always manages to wake up just after we start a WoW dungen!

Dh and I both can't stand it. Both ds's play it tonnes.

I totally get pp's point about playing as a group and not wanting to let anyone down/complete the game. I can understand that. So we've always given warnings - we did this since toddlerhood!! , so even before fortnite, but even more now) : "dinner in 15", seems to work well.

I’m the same with my ds as end up removing the console for a week at a time if he persists with his behaviour.

Some good advice here spit how long it takes to play a game and letting him finish. Talk to him about that.

He could also be bad because it’s the novelty - it’s brand new at the moment for him.

I think I would try a few more things before I banned it entirely. He’ll be left out at school and won’t thank you for it so it’s worth a further attempt to make it work first.

We've banned it. It turns DS into a different person, I don't understand how addictive it is??!! We let him play it over Christmas and it was just an unhealthy obsession, he doesn't do it with any other game or tech. So I've put my foot down, may reconsider temporary lifts of ban in school holidays and he plays it in limited quantities at grandparent's house, but it's banned in this house.

I have the same with rolobox and minecraft....I thank god I did not give in for fortnight..mine is 9. Much younger friends are on fortnight,I saw it myself at a friends and I've just refused to allow it....
That dosnt help you op ,though
There tokens on line on amazon where you swap them for screen time...but I've not used them,but a friend does.
The problem is most of his friends will be on it a lot ,so he will not want to be the odd one out...
Some people gave more addictive personalites than others,so some can take I think or leave it. Others can not..try giving him an hour a day to go on it ,and allow him to chose the best hour ,so the one where his friends are mostly on it.... tell him when he regularly comes off with out a fuss and sticks to the hour ,you will extend it by 10 mins ,and so on ..if he makes a fuss ,10 mins less the next day...it might work ..it might not..but good luck anyway.

As said you need to know how it is played. If they have entered a game they need to be allowed finish. So no sudden announcements that dinner is ready as they will have to pull out in the middle of a game with their friends which causes all that disappointment. I have also heard its useful to sit with them for last part of game, asking them how are you doing now etc and they have wound down by the end of the game and are ready to come off. So its not time thats important , its games. One could be long if you remain " alive" or very short if you get wiped out.
Now you may not want to put in that effort but it enables him to join in with friends but be more peaceful , perhaps.
Maybe today you could draw up a contract. Your side; l will leave you complete game you are on. His side ,; l will come off peacefully and not nag to get back on.
Your forfeit: he can have one extra game if you forget. His forfeit ; he misses his next day on the game.
These things have to be managed.
But, saying all that, its the only game l have experienced as a teacher that has entered the school domain in terms of conversations, parents complaining, kids teasing each other about how long they are allowed on etc. Most teachers are very aware of Fortnite while other games eg Fifa never came on our radar.

I massively regret ever letting DS get the game. We did the same as you, checked it out first etc. It was a while ago before there was so much media coverage of how addictive it is- otherwise I'd never have gone ahead with it! At one point we did have to ban it entirely for several weeks and now we are very strict with time limits and how often he plays. He is much better now.

Just to say, I NEVER make him switch off a game part way through. I always say, times nearly up come off when you've finished this game. I'm not daft and I completely get it.

Trouble is he cheats and will quickly start another game. Other problem is if we're going out, he's ignoring us when we're saying to get ready because he won't come off the game.

He has other hobbies, Scouts, football and swimming. Part of the problem might be that because it's winter we're not getting out as much. He'd still choose going out over gaming. Also this weekend his sibling is sick so we've been home.

Lots of good advice here. I'm going to have a good talk with him about it all, he can be quite mature when he's not in the fog of gaming.

I agree sometimes it's about occupying them with something else too, but that isn't always possible.