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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really rude to ILs

26 replies

Planetmn · 26/01/2019 08:53

My ILs are horrible. Fights outside pubs, screaming at people in the street, buying stolen goods...

They think my family and I are “stuck up” because we’re not like that.

I don’t want to spend time with them, it’s embarrassing and sometimes dangerous. I tried decking invitations politely but got told I HAD to go, I tried feigning illness and was to I HAD to go. They would come to the house and check and shout.

So I was rude. I mean really really rude and told them what I thought of them and that I didn’t want to spend time with them. It was the only language they seemed to understand.

They haven’t bothered me since.

Probably u of me, but it worked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Planetmn · 26/01/2019 08:54

Declining invitations, not decking!

(Though it works in a strange way!)

OP posts:
LostInShoebiz · 26/01/2019 08:55

What’s your question?

pictish · 26/01/2019 08:55

Um...well done?

SuchAToDo · 26/01/2019 08:57

How does your husband feel about it...you may not like them but they are still his family

I do agree with you that you should have to go anywhere you don't want to, and noone should be able to tell you that you have to go

Butchyrestingface · 26/01/2019 08:57

So I was rude. I mean really really rude and told them what I thought of them and that I didn’t want to spend time with them. It was the only language they seemed to understand.

What's the AIBU?

SuchAToDo · 26/01/2019 08:58

*shouldnt

Guineapiglet345 · 26/01/2019 09:02

With some people you just have to be, my MIL will often show me things she’s bought and ask if I like them, and out of politeness I always used to say “yes, very nice” but then she would buy me whatever it was (not every time, but really randomly) because I’d said I liked it. So now I have to be quite direct and say no, otherwise I’d end up with millions of creepy china dolls and lace sofa covers!

Original poster
Planetmn · 26/01/2019 09:03

Husband doesn’t like them much either but too scared (I presume) of them to keep them away from me.

Question is was it unreasonable? I tried everything else to keep them away from me and then just snapped.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 26/01/2019 09:03

Your husband telling you you HAD to go to theirs was the unreasonable bit.

justilou1 · 26/01/2019 09:09

How is it unreasonable if it worked?

supersop60 · 26/01/2019 09:18

Not U at all. if you don't want to spend time with them, you don't have to, and no-one should be telling you that you do.
Are any of them on MN? I'm waiting for the evil DIL posts!

BunsOfAnarchy · 26/01/2019 09:21

What did youq actually say/do?

ExFury · 26/01/2019 09:23

You presume he was too scared? Didn’t you ask him?

abbsisspartacus · 26/01/2019 09:24

Dud they tell you that you had to go or your husband?

SillySallySingsSongs · 26/01/2019 09:25
Hmm
PerfectPeony · 26/01/2019 09:27

Do you have children? I wouldn’t want my DD around people like that and would expect DH to feel the same- even if they were his family.

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 26/01/2019 09:29

On the face of it, you have not been unreasonable. We all have our breaking point. Will your DH continue to see them? Was it DH insisting you go see them or them themselves insisting?
If they bring nothing to your life and the opposite in fact, why should you interact with them? We all choose the company we keep. I don't see why you should be exempt from that basic human right.

morningconstitutional2017 · 26/01/2019 09:57

It's horrible for you OP if you're used to being nice to people (aren't most of us?) but there are certain situations where you just have to use a sledgehammer to crack a nut and this sounds like one of them.

YANBU, not at all.

Lalliella · 26/01/2019 09:59

You’re their kind of person now OP, welcome to the family!

Wearywithteens · 26/01/2019 10:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BeatNickBeamer · 26/01/2019 10:05

What was DH's stance? Surely he understood why you didn't want to see his family? In which case why didn't he take over handling them?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/01/2019 10:14

Unreasonable was the only way to make them understand, as you can't reason, with unreasonable people.
Don't give them anymore head space.

paintinmyhairAgain · 26/01/2019 10:24

poor dh, stuck between scummy parents and a wife who has grown a pair of rugby balls Grin. seriously, good for you for standing up to them, we need more like you speaking up for the underdog !

Imsosorryalan1 · 26/01/2019 10:24

I read it as the in laws making her go, not husband

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 26/01/2019 10:34

Good on you. Sometimes we are too polite and accommodating for our own good for the sake of keeping the peace, but they sound feral. I wouldn't be able to stand it either.

Hopefully they will reflect on their own behaviour and take on board what you said. Although more realistically they'll just feel even more strongly in their belief that you and your family are stuck up and they'll see your DH as some sort of traitor who has forsaken them.

Who gives a shit? You won't have to pretend to enjoy their company any more, so job done.

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