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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who Is bu?

35 replies

Footloose80 · 25/01/2019 23:45

I am organising a tribute band weekend away with friends. 6 of us are supposed to be going. I am giving two people a lift and the others are making their own way there.
I am then only one with young children so I had mentioned that I may have to go home early. So Sunday towards the end of the evening rather than 10am the next day as I could have problems with preschool child care.
One of my friends has said that she doesn't really want to go if this happend as this will spoil the last evening and it's not worth paying 90 quid for 2 nights accommodation and 3 nights entertainment
So aibu to think this is a little daft especially as this person was really enthusiastic when the weekend was initially discussed
For full disclosure her not attending will also mean that I have to let everyone know that the price will rise. I don't think people will be too bothered but I feel a little awkward.

OP posts:
Pillowaddict · 26/01/2019 00:51

Petsonally I would call her bluff, " Oh that would be such a shame, but if you're sure can you let the others know they've to split your share? Sorry that's the time I need to leave. Gutted you will miss it. Sure you can't be persuaded?" Sounds like she's having a bit of a spoilt tantrum, so don't pander!

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2019 00:56

Agree. Express sadness that she feels that way ut ask her to confirm by X date so you can sort accommodation etc.

Can she not get a ride back with one of the others or get on a train?

Honeyroar · 26/01/2019 00:59

I can see her point really. Can't the others all travel together and you go home alone, unless anyone particularly wants to go early?

DingDongDenny · 26/01/2019 01:07

I'd tell her, what a shame she can't make it, but she still jas to pay her share, unless she didn't actually agree to come in the first place

user139328237 · 26/01/2019 01:27

Sorry but if you said you'd give them a lift they were not being unreasonable to assume that the lift would be at the time most people would be leaving the event so you should have clarified that before offering and therefore YABU. If the price then goes up and you hadn't warned the others that that could be the case you may well see more dropping out perfectly reasonably.

MidniteScribbler · 26/01/2019 01:35

I can understand why she wouldn't want to pay for a night's accommodation that she can't use.

PregnantSea · 26/01/2019 01:39

I wouldn't want to pay for a night of accommodation and entertainment that I wasn't getting.

Can't they get home some other way and you leave alone?

DeRigueurMortis · 26/01/2019 01:45

It depends on if you clarified your timing contraints re: travel before they committed or not.

If you did they they are BU.

If you didn't then I don't think they are BU to be miffed at losing a night of the event.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2019 01:45

Would you miss Sunday nights entertainment?
Are you still paying for Sunday nights accommodation?
Did you tell them this at planning point or only once monies were paid?

Pillowaddict · 26/01/2019 02:15

PPs saying couldn't she find another way back - surely she should be problem solving this herself rather than getting snippy with the person providing transport there though.

Claudia1980 · 26/01/2019 02:24

You are BU. You said you would give them a lift and now you are changing plans to suit your circumstances. Why would they want to pay for a night of accommodation they can’t use? And I think it ruins it cutting short a nice weekend so you can rush back to your kids.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 26/01/2019 02:28

It depends on whether you mentioned travelling back early prior to the arrangements and payments. If you did fair enough, if not then nope you are being unreasonable

Ethel80 · 26/01/2019 02:40

We had almost exactly this situation recently and people were arriving and leaving at different times. It just meant we took a lot of cars.

I wouldn't have offered to drive the other two people knowing I might have to leave a night early.

I think YABU but they're also being a little immature.

Birdsgottafly · 26/01/2019 03:12

Well the price is a bargain, but if you've just thrown in having to leave early, then they've got the right to think it over.

Do you usually have a drink and now you won't be? That changes the whole night.

I'd still go, it's a good price and will still be a nice break, with friends.

Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 04:59

Thanks for views. Good to see both sides. When we floated the idea of the trip initially I had no need to travel back early. Since than dh has had some health issues which put the whole thing on hold. .
We are starting to work through this and when I broached the subject again I did say that I may have to leave early.
I think we would miss one hour of entertainment if that. As I explained when I told her of the issue the accommodation is very basic and really I would say that the bulk of the cost is for the entertainments.
In terms of travel the rest of the group live in the opposite direction and the other two don't drive so the only other option is a train which would be expensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:02

In the past most of us would normally drink but tbh I am going to tone it down this year anyway as I am watching my weight and alcohol doesn't seem to agree with me much anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:06

It is one price for the whole weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:07

Nothing has been paid yet.

OP posts:
Tiredismymiddlename85 · 26/01/2019 05:08

I think you need to say to other two what your plans are and be clear. They may opt to do the train back - that's their choice then.
My initial expectation of you offering a lift would have been you'd be there for the whole event. Things do change so just be matter of fact and let them decide.

Tiredismymiddlename85 · 26/01/2019 05:09

As nothing has been paid I would also expect that people could/would drop out.

CharlyAngelic · 26/01/2019 05:15

She can change her mind as you have altered the plan and no money has been paid . She can come home with you , arrange her own return transport, or not go at all .
Sorry your plans had to change.

Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:17

To be clear on timescales floated idea of trip back in November. Shortly afterwards dh health condition deteriorated quite rapidly. At that time I said that I still wanted to drop trip but needed to see how his recovery goes. About a week ago I chatted with dh and he agreed that the weekend Would be ok bit the Monday may be tricky. I what's apped the group at that time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:23

Not drop trip. Do trip

OP posts:
Original poster
Footloose80 · 26/01/2019 05:31

I get that she can change her mind. And yes it's awkward the price rising but not a big deal. I just think its a shame that she could miss out. I guess I do feel guilty and in a way. As a result it just puts more pressure on me to work through the childcare issue.

OP posts:
curiousierandcouriser · 26/01/2019 05:37

TBH, no one seems to BU.

You had your circumstances change and you promptly informed the others before any money was paid. Your friend said she may drop out because the new time didn't work for her.

You just need her to make her decision whether to go or not, then have the others confirm the new cost (if applicable). No one needs to fall out over this.