to feel guilty at putting 19 month old into nursery?

[selfesteemqueen]

I'm going back to university full time in August and my partner works full time so we're going to have to put DD in nursery (likely a few days a week). I can't stop feeling sick whenever I think about it, is that normal?

Is it normal to have so much guilt about it? I know a few people who have 1 year olds in nursery and they always say it's been such a benefit to their child's confidence and social skills but I just feel really uneasy about it and I don't know why.

I've been considering withdrawing my university place and reapplying next year when she's a bit older but our financial situation is already a bit precarious and would be benefited massively from me at uni and then straight into a full time job. Just feel like such a horrible mum putting her in so young

19 months isn't that young. I was in full time nursery from 6 months as my parents had no choice but to both work full time. Plenty of parents put their children in to nursery at under a year because their household relies on 2 wages.

It's normal to feel some mum guilt but delaying your university education is silly.

In a kind way, YABU! But you're not being U because your feelings are valid.

19 months is old to start childcare compared to lots of families! And it's true they get loads out of it. My dd started nursery at 10 months and that was perfect for her and she loves it and we love the nursery.

Don't worry once you've got into it you'll
love it x

Yes the guilt is totally normal. And they may be upset when theyre settling in and it'll feel worse. And then in a fee months it will all feel routine and you'll forget you were stressed. They will make friends. And they will be more prepared for pre school and school. And you will feel like you're setting them a good example. And they won't remember anything before they were 3. And you will still feel a bit of guilt and try and make evenings and weekends with them filled with lots of quality time.

It's like anything there are advantaged and disadvantages and at the time it seems such a scary decision then after a few months you wonder what all the fuss was about.

Currently going through it with my second and it's not any easier even though the first is thriving at nursery!

I don't think YABU.

My baby is 2 weeks old today. I'm on mat leave until October but he will have to go into nursery full time from then, he'll be 9 months old... I feel sick thinking about it as he's lying on my chest right now too..

But no choice

Well, you can’t help feeling how you feel.

My boys went into nursery at 8 months old. Never felt an ounce of guilt about it.

My partner also agreed it was silly to delay my education as I've went through all the interviews and selections process stress and it's something I'm passionate about. Just makes me feel really horrible sometimes (clearly as I'm worrying about it months in advance!)

I feel like I wasted the first few months with her due to PND so I think that's making me feel worse as well, realistically I know she'll be ok and probably IABU in a way, but mum guilt is just the worst feeling ever.

@Ashleighc01 it's hard thinking about it, isn't it you still have lots of time beforehand though, definitely just take the time to spend the two of you until then x

DS has just started nursery 4 days a week at 8 months old. DD is nearly 4 but started at the same age. She loves nursery and is a really happy, confident girl with loads of friends. DS has also settled really well. He always seems really happy there and is a lot more calm and content at home too (not to mention his sleep has improved!).

I felt guilty each time at first but nursery has been amazing for DD and I think it will be for DS too. Don't feel guilty about needing to use childcare, there are many benefits to it.

I'm about to send my almost 4 year old to school nursery for the full 30 free entitlement and I feel guilty. I can't imagine my husband or dd will give it a second thought.

My son went to nursery full time from 8 months.

Would you feel more comfortable about a homely childminder environment?

It’s not unreasonable to feel guilty but that probably won’t change in a year. Lots of us have much younger babies in nursery and I’m sure you will hear lots of people reassure you that they are fine.
I think you should take your uni opportunity and make the most of the time you’re with your baby. You have your own life too.

My DS spends 47 hours a week in nursery because we both work full time. He’s 18 months, been going a year and loves it. He’s happy to go in everyday and has a great relationship with all of the staff.

The long term benefits of your education and career progression will be so great for your little one.

With your last line, are you trying to make parents who had their child in nursery sooner than 19 months feel bad? Because well done.

OP, nursery is likely to be very good for your baby. My children (both in at 12 months) learned to share with others, to play cooperatively, to pack up their toys, and to eat different foods amongst other things. I was so worried about putting them in, and it turned out very well. Your baby will thrive.

I'm going back to work when DS will be eleven months, DH and I have a flexible work place so are both working consolidated hours, meshing I will have DS Monday, DH will do Friday, both off at weekends, we've got two grandmothers chomping at the bit too do as much childcare as we need but we've decided to do one day a week with each grandma and one day at nursery. I think it's a positive environment for them if you find a good one.

By going to university now rather than deferring, you will be building the foundations for more opportunities for you and your family in the future. Of course you don't want to leave your baby, that's natural. 19 months as relatively "grown up" to start nursery. My 16 year old had to start at when she was 19 weeks old, as we only received any maternity pay for 18 weeks when she was born. Good luck with your degree.

I don’t regret putting DD in childcare (at a year) but oh the guilt! DH will take days off to do things he wants to do and I’d love a day to myself but I can’t even do that as

Our DT’s went to nursery full time/5 days a week from six months old. We didn’t feel guilty - the nursery was wonderful and I wanted to return to my career. DH dropped them off and I collected.

Thanks so much for all the reassurance! From friends/family 19 months does seem quite old for nursery compared to others but then to me it still seems so tiny. I think she'll still be tiny to me at 19 years old though!

@TheFatberg no one else seems to have taken offence, I'm not sure why my post would make you feel bad when it's about my own personal thoughts/guilt. Feel free to read the many responses of others putting their baby in younger than 19 months with no issues, hopefully that helps you feel better!

You are completely entitled to have mum guilt if you've not left her before, but you really won't regret it in the long run.
I also went to university when my DD was two, but she had been in full-time day care from 7 months.
We enjoyed my 3 uni years as we had much more time together because of long holidays. My DH would look after her when I had essay deadlines. DD also loved being fussed over by my young student friends who would happily babysit for her when DH and I wanted a night out.
DD attended campus nursery so it was easy to drop and pick up after lectures.
If your DH is as supportive as mine was, take the opportunity and enjoy.

My daughter went full time at 7 months. I had to go back to work 5o keep a roof over her head. At 16 months I think you are being unreasonable. She will love it. Have socialisation and make new friends.

I'm sure she will have a great time, and you will never have to get paint out in your own house again!!!

OP ds1 was 12 months when he went into full time nursery as me and his dad started our second year at university. He was in Monday to Friday 8-5:30/6. He loved it! He came on so much, he was a bright child (still is now in uni) and nursery pushed his learning which he needed, and he left at four to go straight to reception. He was already reading and writing when he started school, and was doing year 1 maths. It was the best thing I could have done. Please don’t feel guilty.

@TheFatberg

I don’t think OP was trying to make anyone feel bad. She is talking about her own feelings which she is entitled too.

I put ds in nursery at 12 months and I too felt a bad mum at the beginning. Passing my precious baby off to strangers to look after him. However he thrived and it was the best decision I could have made. I didn’t have to put ds2 into nursery as mine and exdp’s parens were then able to have him. However I would not have had half the worries the second time around, even if I had to put him in younger. Needs must and all that.