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AIBU?

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Original poster

Divorce and lodger

27 replies

Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:14

Friend divorcing husband and has a 6 year old DS

They have a lodger whose good friend of both, friend wants lodger to leave, friends DH won’t let lodger move out, so lodger won’t go?

Friend is sleeping downstairs in lounge.

Lodger has a bedroom, and has mentioned is awaiting a room to become available, latest room available and lodger not moving at all until house is sold?

Friend is in despair sleeping on sofa in her own house, she owns 50% of house?

DH doesn’t agree and told lodger to stay until house is sold. Lodger room is clutter and needs decorating which is why she needs to move out ASAP.

Friend at a lost at what to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:17

Another solution was
Friend moves into lodger room
Lodger into marital bedroom
DH into lounge as he wishes lodger to stay.

Both lodger and DH have refused to do this though she owns 50% of house.

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 25/01/2019 19:20

Who is the lodger paying rent to?

Is there a written contract ?

R3b3kah · 25/01/2019 19:22

I would have her stuff on the door step when they are both out. Never would I be kicked out of my own bedroom

Joboy · 25/01/2019 19:22

What i would do is . Make the living her room get a bed in therre put lock on door. Do timetable for bathroom ,kitchen . Lock everyrhing include washing machine .
Demand half tge lodger rents payed weeky in cash receipt given.

Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:23

No contract
And rent is paid into joint account,
Gets really really cheap rent. Like 50% of area market!

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:25

The living room is open planned
So they can access through bank and front doors.

Makes it worse her DS called it daddy home 😭

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 25/01/2019 19:26

If they are getting divorced, why is there a joint bank account ?

Singlenotsingle · 25/01/2019 19:31

Presuming friend is employed, I would arrange a 2 bed rented property for herself and DS NOW. Husband and lodger can pay the outgoings on the house until it's sold. Then she can decide whether she can afford to buy somewhere for herself. And if she isn't working, she needs to get a job!

Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:32

Because I get feeling DH is paying 60/65% of bills as she earns less money, so they do it as they both get same amount of disposable income.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:35

She just started her career and in probation period, so is having to already reduce her hours if allowed to 30 a week which she thinks won’t happen, she civil servabt and shifts.
She got a good job, but again her career suffers. Where the money coming from for deposit and one months rent?

Wouldn’t it mean in divorce he have more rights to more money due to covering mortgage for say 4/6 months.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 25/01/2019 19:38

Single bed in ds’s room? Not ideal, but temporary until lodger is made to feel uncomfortable enough to fuck off and leave them to it as he damned well ought to. I would not be giving the lodger a choice.

Rachelle3211 · 25/01/2019 19:40

Why is she having to reduce her hours?

Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:43

So she can see her son more. And have specific days to have her son,
DH wants 50% custody, but randomly goes out for drink or two with kosher on his evening just cause my friend is in property.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:55

DS room wouldn’t fit a single bed!

OP posts:
IamFrauBlucher · 25/01/2019 19:58

If 50% of the house is hers then she should alternate weeks with the husband between bedroom and sofa?

Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 19:59

Big issue is she can’t handle emotionally staying in the marital bed! She cries and shakes!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 25/01/2019 20:28

Big issue is she can’t handle emotionally staying in the marital bed! She cries and shakes!

Of course she shouldn’t be in the marital bed, that’s ridiculous. If he won’t alternate, how about bunk beds in ds’s room?

TearingUpMyHeart · 25/01/2019 20:32

As Joboy says. Convert living room. Buy bed. Put lock on door.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 25/01/2019 20:37

Agree with the practical solutions. Or put son in a bed in the dad's room and she move into the sons room. The dad should make some compromise. Or your friend brazen it out and pretends to be fine in the marital bed and asks the husband to sleep on the sofa every other night

The lodger is being a shit, who would want to stay in the same house as a divorcing family who don't have enough rooms between them

Rainbowqueeen · 25/01/2019 20:38

She should keep good notes about the going out when it is his night to have the DC

And yes I’d be sharing DCs room

Perhaps get advice from shelter or women’s aid about the lodger

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 25/01/2019 20:38

Fuck that for a game of soliders.

“Friend” needs to put on her big girl pants.

When the dickhead husband / lodger is at work They need to fit a decent lock and shift all the other persons stuff out of either the lodgers room or the martial bedroom.

Stake their claim!!!!

Let Dickhead sleep in the living room or in with the lodger if he is so keen for them to stay

Any sign of trouble and calls he police. That will work massively in your favour during custody

Unfortunately she is in a war so she needs to put on a hard hat and hunker down

Graphista · 25/01/2019 21:27

Has she not got a lawyer yet? If she has and they're NOT dealing with this she needs a better one!

The joint account needs cleared & divided or frozen, the lodger needs out and what's happening with the house decided based on accurate information which it doesn't sound like she has.

Original poster
Housingcraze · 25/01/2019 22:34

They did divorce online.
So no lawyers.

OP posts:
DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 25/01/2019 23:10

Not ideal but can ds go in big bed with dad and mum go in ds's bed until things are sorted?

ISmellBabies · 25/01/2019 23:17

Is the dh shagging the lodger? I can't think how thete can be so much disrespect from both the lodger and the dh towards your friend. Anyway if they are shagging, why not get the lodger to share the main bedroom with the dh and the wife has the lodger's room? Otherwise kick out the lodger's shit when they're out and change the locks.