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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a child free night?

48 replies

QuestionableMouse · 25/01/2019 19:10

My sister has just gone back to work after maternity leave. She has a six month old baby and a three year old.

I love them both to bits but I've had them every day this week, including three nights. I'm due back at uni on Monday and have some reading to do which I can't get done. I'd also like a bath without a toddler joining me.

She refused to pick them up last night on her way home from work meaning I had a 20 mile round trip to drop them off. I'm shattered and really wanted a night to myself to get caught up on stuff.

Aibu?

OP posts:
LokiBear · 25/01/2019 19:15

Of course you aren't. Why would your sister refuse to pick her children up?

Wolfiefan · 25/01/2019 19:16

Why are you agreeing to this if you don’t want to do it? Confused

Cheerbear23 · 25/01/2019 19:16

This should be your sisters issue rather than yours, why are you allowing her to refuse collect her own children?

PotteringAlong · 25/01/2019 19:17

Every day and 3 nights?! Why?!

Childrenofthestones · 25/01/2019 19:17

Doormat.

GertrudeCB · 25/01/2019 19:17

She is taking the rip my love. Tell her .

Victormeldrew1 · 25/01/2019 19:22

I thought you was Guna say a child free night from your own kids when I read the title
that is serious c.fness I think you should talk to your sister cos she's taking the mic and your allowing her to

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 25/01/2019 19:22

Because she was tired from work and couldn't be arsed basically.

I don't mind because I do love them but I'm struggling (I'm working too and back to uni next week.) It's hard because her husband works awkward shifts and she had pnd so I tend to err on the side of caution as to what might upset her.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 25/01/2019 19:25

This is very strange and of course you are not being unreasonable.

Why is she refusing to come and collect her own children? Why do you have her children overnight multiple times a week? That is not a long term strategy for anyone really so you need to make that clear right now.

Maybe something along the lines of “I have been happy to help you get settled back into work but I really need to focus on my studies/work now so you will need to make other arrangements”

LokiBear · 25/01/2019 19:26

It is odd though. Im a working mum, by the end of the day I cant wait to see my kids. 30 minutes after getting them home, I cant wait to get them into bed so I can flop! I couldnt leave them with someone else though, I'd feel like Id lost a limb. Do you think she could have post natal depression?

Wolfiefan · 25/01/2019 19:26

Time to get a backbone and say no. They’re her kids. Taking them to the park for a couple of hours would be lovely. Or babysitting so she can celebrate her birthday or anniversary. She’s taking the piss.

getback · 25/01/2019 19:28

Weird. You must know perfectly well yanbu. Honestly baffled as to what you want from this thread?

Maelstrop · 25/01/2019 19:31

Stop agreeing to have them. She needs to sort out proper childcare.

LokiBear · 25/01/2019 19:33

I missed the bit where you said she had pnd. Id say her actions suggest she is struggling. Id speak to her dh, not wanting to have her kids around is a huge red flag. It is lovely that you are helping with childcarr but your sister needs long term help to cope.

Villanellenovella · 25/01/2019 19:33

Just why are you doing it. Why? Just say no.

TrollQueen · 25/01/2019 19:35

Her husband needs to step up if she's struggling with her mental health.

RedPanda2 · 25/01/2019 19:42

This is odd. She shouldn't have had 2 kids if she couldn't be arsed!!! Tell her no.

Leeds2 · 25/01/2019 19:44

Stop agreeing to have them. If she asks why, tell her.

If you are feeling generous, drive to their house at a time which is mutually convenient, and take them to the park/zoo/cafe for a couple of hours so that your sister gets a break. Then return them to their home, and leave them their with their parent(s).

Your sister is fully aware that she is taking advantage, and will continue to do so if you let her.

Jackshouse · 25/01/2019 19:48

She needs to find proper childcare.

formerbabe · 25/01/2019 19:49

So she's back at work after maternity leave? What were her childcare plans? Or were her plans to dump them on you? If you're back to uni, then what's she going to do?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/01/2019 19:54

What's their plan for childcare going forward?

Butterymuffin · 25/01/2019 19:55

It's sad that she's suffering from PND but she needs to get other help. You can only do so much and it can't be at the expense of your university course or having your own life.

clairedelalune · 25/01/2019 20:01

What do you mean? She refused to pick up her own children?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 25/01/2019 21:20

She wanted me to drop them off rather than coming to mine to get them. Don't get me wrong, she's s good mam but sometimes expects me to do everything.

Our parents aren't well and mer mil isn't in contact with them so I've always done a big chunk of the childcare and don't mind. I was expecting a child free night tonight and I'm a bit gutted it didn't happen as she needed to work. Her husband is also at work so auntie has the kids.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/01/2019 22:22

They’re not your kids. Not your responsibility. Start saying no.