Upset by comments from mother - aibu?

[TheSubtleKnifeAndFork]

I gave birth (second baby, if that's relevant) early on Wednesday morning. Saw my DM and DF on Wednesday afternoon. My mum
walks into the room and the first thing she said to me was "Do you still have another baby in there?" and when I responded (can actually remember what I said something like "oh, that's nice mum" in sarcastic tone) she went on "it doesn't look like you're tightening up very quickly, is everything OK?"...

AIBU to be upset by this? My MIL was there and seemed quite shocked, but I didn't want to make a big deal and spoil grandparents meeting baby for the first time. It's playing on my mind that she felt the need to be so cruel, even though I know there isn't anything wrong with me or my post partum body.

Depending on your relationship I would tell her you found it hurtful. What a bizarre thing to notice when you’re new grandchild is there!

My DM said the same to me, despite telling me that she was so hurt when my father sent his secretary out to get her a girdle after she had given birth! She was also vocal about me not getting changed into a nice smart outfit to leave the hospital in. Well pardon me for not wanting my stitches to rub!

How strange, she has had children so must realise that everything is swollen and takes weeks to begin to shrink back. ( I didn’t know this for years, thanks to tv and films giving the impression that women deflate like balloons- I once made the mistake of asking a woman who had recently given birth when her baby was due) . She can’t possibly expect your tummy to be flat on the day you have given birth ! Is she generally nasty to you ?

What an awful awful thing to say

So bloody rude! Ignore her.

Congratulations on your new baby.

My Mil said that to me whilst poking my tummy with her finger, when DD was 6 hrs old! She also said "you look pale dear. Should you be THAT pale? "

Congratulations op.

I said this to my aunt when I was 3. Despite my youth, innocence and the fact that I don't even remember it I still feel guilty about it now! For any adult to say this is just horrible, can't believe you had to have it from your own mum. People say stupid things sometimes, don't let it get you down, you have a beautiful new baba to focus on.

My mother is like this. Always got lots of back handed compliments for me too. 🤔

Oh awful! That's just mean. And trust me I know. My consultant after my c section said that he had thought he left one in there.
Luckily I knew him very very well by this point and know it's his awkward conversation thing
But to have your own mum say it. I would have hit the roof!

"Well it's been ?? Years since you have birth to me and you still haven't tightened up, maybe I should be worried, might be hereditary"

Congrats on the new baby!

What a bitch. Doesn't she like you very much?

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby!

Is your mum usually this much of a rude twat? Is this new? My mum has got more and more tactless with age but she’s still only in her 60s. So when she’s rude (and sometimes horribly offensive) I tell her so, bluntly, in a way that she can’t wriggle out of or mistake for me not minding about her lack of manners. Because I mind very much.

Could you say to your dm that she might need an appointment with a dementia expert as you are worried she is showing signs of early dementia. Otherwise no excuse for her desperate insensititivity.
Congrats on new little one.

She just made herself look a total asshole by saying that to you.

She’s a dick.

Shut her the fuck down (or have DH on hand to do so) at the merest hint of a dickish comment over the next few weeks and use the 3 strikes and you’re massively on LC if she oversteps. You’ll be a hormonal, vulnerable, ecstatically happy/sad beautiful mess for the next few weeks and this kind of attitude will not fly.

Congratulations, enjoy your gorgeous new baby

What a silly old bag. Ignore, ignore. Congratulations, you're doing a brilliant job.

My own father said this to me - which prompted my mum to say - do you mean to say she looks fat becasue she just gave birth! He was rightfully told off. Some people are just stupid. Congratulations on the baby, ❤️

I think there is some generational shit going on here as my mother too was obsessed by the shape of me after I gave birth. She said in her day mothers were expected to lie on their front for hours a day to ensure that everything contracted. Also it was extremely important to be slender and sexy again for your DH as, as a housewife with no career possibilities, she could never have supported herself if he left her.
Congratulations on your new baby. Just try to forget what she said. I am very cross though on your behalf.

It's the sort of thing one of my grandmothers would say. It's the old if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. She was needlessly unpleasant - and should have been focused on asking show you were feeling.

I think the suggestion of saying "that was unkind" and a hard stare is a very good way of dealing with this shit.

But I bet your lovely new baby is gorgeous - congratulations

Ah, DSis said the same to me - again the day I gave birth.

She has always been obsessed with how fat I am and, with hindsight, I realise that she felt threatened if I started to be a normal weight (ridiculous as she's always been a perfect size 6) because she's meant to be the slim pretty one, and jealous that I was getting the attention with my gorgeous newborn.

Reflects badly on them, not the new mothers! Congratulations on your new baby and enjoy

Try not to let it worry you. It’s well known people still look pregnant especially if she’s had children herself. Point her in the directions of the Kate Middleton photos.

Jesus! Yeah that is really thoughtless and unkind. I would upset more about the unkindness than about the body comments. Be careful around her as she could really drag you down. Is she normally like this? 5he last thing you need to think about now is your body ( other than if it's work OK and if it's healthy)
Also congratulations

Thank you all! Sorry for the delay in getting back to the thread, massively sleep deprived at the moment and my brain isn't really working!

My mum is a funny one. She loves me to bits, genuinely don't doubt that... but she's often awfully insensitive and frequently doesn't think before she speaks. She's also incapable of apologising when she's in the wrong / has upset someone and holds a grudge like nobody's business... so over the years I have kind of learnt to let things go. Ironically she's very sensitive herself, despite being so tactless with other's feelings, and she's not able to put into perspective that her feelings don't override/cancel out the validity of others feelings.

This is quite spectacularly insensitive though, even for her and glad to know I wasn't overreacting. Probably the only time she's been worse is after DC1 was born and she took the inexplicable hump because I (very politely) declined prosecco on two occasions (I was very tired, struggling hugely with breastfeeding and really didn't feel like drinking, which I think is fair enough) on the second occasion she stormed off and declared that "It's clear all fun has gone from the world now he's entered the world"... this was in front of family at a BBQ, it was bizarre and probably more hurtful than the tummy comment as it was also directed at my baby as well as me (plus she knew I was finding new motherhood tough)!

I haven't seen her since, but she may be visiting tomorrow, so will be interesting to see what, if anything, she has to say for herself. If she mentions it again I might try pointing out seriously that she's being unkind and comments on my appearance aren't appreciated...

Have birth to DC2 Saturday morning and my mum said the exact same thing to me! She doesn't mean it badly i tell myself, just has no idea.