To ask why you got married?

[namechangeo]

So love is the main reason, isn't it? But it's obviously argued that it's a bit of an outdated institution now.

What are the reasons (other than love) that you married? What changes when you're married rather than 'in a relationship'?

I just knew I was meant to be married to him. Simple as that. It felt completely right and I have experienced a sense of deep satisfaction and completeness ever since we got married. We both felt the same and had a short engagement as a result.

For what we wanted, it was very much the superior option to the alternative, which would have been cohabitation. And I'm of the view that long term cohabiting, like marriage, is something that should be actively chosen because it suits you better, rather than sleepwalked into without thinking about it. You shouldn't do either without engaging in a decision making process, and accepting the impact it may have on other areas of your life. There can sometimes be very good reasons not to get married, but none of them were applicable to us.

What we wanted was to make the maximum legal and cultural commitment that was available to us. There aren't any other ways to get all that without being married, and neither of us wanted what would have been patched together, more complex, more expensive substitutes that don't have the universal recognition that marriage does.

Our girls were part way through primary school, and we just felt like it was the right time to finally get married. I've worn a commitment ring for nearly 10 years, so never bothered with an engagement. Very small wedding away from where we live, had 17 guests that consisted of our kids, parents and siblings. It was a beautiful day, and I still get a bit tingly knowing I've got the same last name as him and my girls. It was more a celebration for us with the people who meant the most in the world to us. Writing this is getting me a bit emotional, will be two years this summer.

Because my DH was religious and didn't believe in sex before marriage, so if I wanted a shag I had to marry him.

I think it was about 50:50 between wanting to make a public commitment and call each other husband and wife and the legal and inheritance tax advantages. We have a huge disparity in our incomes at the moment (I'm the lower earner) and he has three final salary scheme pensions which I wouldn't see a penny of if he died without us being married, but will pay out for the rest of my life now we are.

We decided that he would be a SAHD. I wanted to give him the rights and protections as my spouse that he wouldn't have had if he was just a partner. And I love him more than anything else in the world and love that we are husband and wife.

Primarily because we were and are in love. Also because we wanted a legal agreement in place before we had children and we just felt it was right for us to be married before children.

We were young and in love. And getting married young is (and was 20 years ago) a bit anti-establishment. we were probably very traditional at heart is the reality It was a great party and we are still happy together all these years later. I remember MIL making a comment about me having a baby though at our wedding and I thought she was joking at the time

Seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was flattered someone wanted to (marry me). Other people seem to think it's a good thing so I joined in the cultural madness.
Does have some financial benefits.

Babdoc so sorry for your loss

Noarmani so sorry for your loss too

Love was the main driver.

But also

My ex was also military so as I'm not wealthy it's a damn sight easier & cheaper being a "trailing spouse" when you're actually a spouse.

I'd also witnessed a relative be "widowed" (unmarried but committed relationship hence quotes) with 2 very young children and as a result lose her home and end up in dire straits financially. So protection for once we had DC.

I'm glad I did even though it ended in divorce as it gave me recourse during the divorce on shitty things he'd done that I wouldn't have had if we weren't married. It was also very satisfying that he had to sign papers basically agreeing that he'd become a shitty husband in detail!

What is weird and will get me flamed is that I still have & use my married name even though I've been divorced now for longer than I was married!

I was happy to have an excuse to change my name from my fathers name (he's abusive, plus it's a horrible name), then when we divorced dd was still little and though I'm sure some mners will disagree I have found there is still very much a stigma against single mums & especially those who never married so I'm Mrs exhname still which is also dds name.

What's even weirder is my ex hated his name and has remarried and he's changed his name to wife 2's!

Messy!

"I don’t think marriage is an outdated institution at all. Nearly all my friends are married." Same, and even though I can understand it being more likely for my age & older (46) most of my younger friends in committed relationships are married too or will marry before having DC. Lots more smaller weddings/elopements among the younger ones though.

I had a traditional church wedding (it was important to both our grandparents who we loved & respected). It was actually a cracking day just a shame about the marriage husband 😂😂

"So that I can get a HM Forces Railcard and save one third on rail fares? " 😂

He really wanted to. I didn't give a rat's arse either way, so we did. No name change, no shared finances but we do wear rings.

I had lots of boyfriends. I wanted DH to be different.

Honestly, the HM Forces Railcard is useful. And by showing his MOD90 we get 10% off the bill at our favourite cafe.

Oh and the wedding photos with him in 1s and the sword arch look varrryyy naice on Facebook.

Most people won’t see any real benefits to marriage in day to day life until one of you dies or there’s a medical emergency and in those situations it’s too late to go back and marry retrospectively but marriage is so much more than ‘just a piece of paper’

Polarbear I agree very useful but not enough to be a reason for marriage alone.

All the other benefits of being a forces wife though are very attractive, especially removals costs when you're following them around.

Love, commitment and a way of cementing our relationship. I didn't change my name until we had dc bit also useful for that now, keeps things easier for school etc having the same surname.

This is a lovely thread.

Because we wants to be a unit.

Because we wanted to, simple as that. Nearly 30 years in, no regrets.

Because they are the only person I ever wanted to be married to.

Simply that. Marriage made no sense at all until then (and I had tried marriage). It wasn't "being in love" it was wanting to be married. Just to them. For no other reason than that. Odd because I'd never got it before. It's sort of existential?

Because a) he needed a visa b) i was young and stupid. I know better now!

Middle aged, each with adult children. Been together 8 years and living together. He was taking early retirement and discovered that his very substantial private pension would not benefit me if anything happened to him, unless we were married before the retirement date. He wanted to make sure id be financially secure. We were married in two months.

Because I was pregnant and I didn’t want to not be working, looking after children (in the end we had three - now teens) and not have the protection of marriage.

Good job too because we have just been through a horrible divorce, and without being married I would have been in an awful position.

I would have got married for romantic love related reasons, but ex was completely anti and disinterested. When I said can we get married, thank god he agreed, but he could not have cared less about any of it, didn’t want to do any type of ring - engagement or wedding band - and came to the registry office in a jeans jacket.

I didn't change my name until we had dc bit also useful for that now, keeps things easier for school etc having the same surname.

There is absolutely no issue with my having a different name to DD in any aspect of her life. School or elsewhere. What on Earth do you think makes it easier? And why are men still not expected to change theirs?

#everydaysexism

I wanted a legal contract in place before having children.

Of course I love him and I never want us to split up, but financial/legal protection was the deciding point for us.

My surname is also different to my kids’, and similarly I find that it makes not one bit of difference to anything.

Ex once tried to insinuate something about it making a difference, but I knocked that one on the head without a second thought .