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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect school to not let my child eat something that could kill her (nut allergy)

43 replies

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 11:52

Last day of school DD came home looking rather sheepish and said I ate one of these and hands GM a packet of free from wheat and gluten gingerbread men. She said she’d been given them by her teacher because it was Christmas. Only one was missing from the box.
She’s on a strict diet, no dairy, no wheat/gluten or additives blah blah list goes on because of her ASD and it causes her behavioural problems. She also has anaphylaxis and can’t have nuts. The school are aware of all of this, I’ve put it on every form possible, mentioned it in meetings etc. She has a one to one TA most of the day for her ASD and to sit with her at lunchtimes because due to her autism, she’s not aware of the severity of her allergies and could eat something she’s not supposed to.

So, as me and GM are freaking out that school have given DD food when we told them not to, GM checks the box and it says “may contain peanut or nut traces”.
Long story short I’ve gone mental and spoke to the headteacher and requested a meeting ASAP in the new school year......

I get to the meeting and before I could speak the teacher in charge of SEND instantly blames my DD she came up with multiple excuses “she stole the biscuits”, which I find hard to believe, for starters DD is a crap liar, so I’d be able to tell if she was lying. She’s yet to perfect that skill. I have a sneaking suspicion the adults are the BS-ers here.
I asked if the teacher had looked to see where the biscuits had gone but apparently teachers (form teacher so not actually teaching a lesson as such) are too busy to check when a child has stolen something. Which I find hard to believe.
Then “she asked the teacher if she could have one and the teacher said, I don’t know” truth is the teacher should have flat out said no as only a week previously GM had told her that we did not want school to provide a Christmas lunch due to allergies and we would take food to school instead (teacher kept telling GM that the school cater for other children with allergies so they could make lunch. SEND teacher says the school kitchen uses nuts so isn’t safe).
Then, SEND teacher says the biscuits were for another child with allergies, not DD, which I’m guessing is also crap because they shouldn’t be feeding any child with allergies. Then she says DD is responsible for her own safety and should read packaging, which when she has EHCP and a one to one, including lunchtime because she can’t be trusted is just laughable.
So after much arguing, the head teacher produced this blinder.... “so are nut traces the same as nuts because I don’t know. Her file says she’s allergic to nuts, not nut traces” 😱 WTAF. So then it was my fault as they weren’t aware that nut traces could cause anaphylactic shock. Now I don’t claim to be any kind of genius, but the warnings on food packaging are more than likely there because traces can kill, not just a full sized nut. There’s been countless stories of late where someone has died as a result of traces, or packaging not being labelled. This is not a new phenomenon.

Oh and after she ate the biscuit, DD slung her bag somewhere and went to the school disco so had she gone into anaphylactic shock, chances are nobody would have found her epi pen in time.

So, AIBU to expect school to not be idiots and protect the children in their care?

I’ve removed DD from school because I couldn’t trust the idiots to babysit a tamagotchi.
Just interested to hear opinions of other parents with DCs that have allergies and maybe make them aware of potential risks.

OP posts:
UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 24/01/2019 11:55

YABU, Surely the headteacher has had enough training to understand about nut traces? That sounds like a total fuckup on their part.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 24/01/2019 11:55

Sorry, I meant YANBU!

3boysandabump · 24/01/2019 11:59

YADNBU. Allergies are really serious and they need to up their game.

I have a baby with allergies and I'm already dreading leaving him after maternity because of things like this.

I suspect they tried to blame your daughter because they understand how seriously they've messed up and are trying to cover their backs.

GummyGoddess · 24/01/2019 12:03

So you are pretty sure they're lying, perhaps a transfer to another school is possible?

Mumshappy · 24/01/2019 12:03

Dd8s primary school has a total ban on nuts and anything containing nuts as there is a child in reception class with a nut allergy. We were given letters to sign regarding sending items in packed lunches etc. Your childs school arent doing enough at all. YANBU.

Hillarious · 24/01/2019 12:08

How old is your DD?

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:09

Gummygoddess, I’m homeschooling her. Unfortunately with ASD the total change of school and new faces won’t do her any favours. Luckily I’m in a position to be able do that, even though it means quitting my job, most parents aren’t. DH agrees it’s better to keep her at home and to be honest, her schoolwork has massively improved too

OP posts:
Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:10

DD is 12

OP posts:
steppemum · 24/01/2019 12:10

I think the school has handled this really badly, and should not have given her the biscuits.They sound as if they are covering their backs, instead of sayign - hands up we did it wrong, lets see how we can prevent it in future.

But on a broader note, (for you, not for this discussion with the school)
Pretty much eveyrthing is labelled with 'may contain traces' as a way of factories covering themsleves. Basically unless they make it in a section where they can guarantee it is nut free, they will put 'may contain' on the packageing.

Your dd didn't react to the biscuit, even though it was unsafe

I wonder if there is any way of finding out just how severe your dds allergy is, would her consultant know? I know 2 kids who are allergic to dairy, and they know that they can eat packets which say 'may contain' as it is never enought to trigger their allergies.
I realise that a dairy allergy is rarely a cause of anaphylatic shock, but I wonder if it is worth finding out.

FreezerBird · 24/01/2019 12:11

YANBU but you might not be right on this bit:

Then, SEND teacher says the biscuits were for another child with allergies, not DD, which I’m guessing is also crap because they shouldn’t be feeding any child with allergies.

Depending on the allergy they might have things they are allowed to give to some children with allergies - and you said the school kitchen caters for other children's allergies but can't manage a nut allergy of the severity of your DDs.

teetotalling · 24/01/2019 12:21

She doesn't carry the epipen in her bag, does she? If so, I think that's v v dangerous. You need one/2 of the. kept centrally at school so they know where it is at all times. What would happen if she mislaid her bag?

Lunde · 24/01/2019 12:21

At 12 I would expect my child to read packaging and refuse to eat something that may contain nuts.

I thought that you were talking about a very young child.

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:23

Steppemum, we saw her consultant a few weeks before this happened. We know it’s severe, it’s airborne and if someone touches her after eating them she has a reaction. It’s SERIOUS. She was just lucky this time.
She carries an epi pen, wears a medical alert bracelet and we try to educate her the best we can but with her autism, we’re strugging to make her understand the severity. She wasn’t even great at the epi pen training.
Just to show the severity..... last year I ate a sugar free cherry flavoured sweet. Kissed her and her mouth started to swell up. A cherry sweet!!!! That also said “may contain nut traces” so chances are it may not have, same as the biscuits and it was me that ate it, not her. You’d be surprised what causes a reaction.

OP posts:
teetotalling · 24/01/2019 12:24

Lunde - she has autism. Different rules.

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:24

Lunde she’s autistic, she’s not your average ‘normal’ child. It does say that in the first post

OP posts:
Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:26

Teetotalling, we tried that leaving one with her TA, but when she changed teaching assistants throughout the day they were forgetting to pass it on to the next one. School told me she had to carry her own, it was not their job to do it

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 24/01/2019 12:27

YANBU at all!

Your daughter has extra needs and health concerns which they have not taken seriously at all. Taking her out of there was the right thing. With the ASD it will cause her some stress but if they're not looking after her and the trust is gone, what else can you do.

I'd also highlight your concerns to OFSTED or the local education authority as you mentioned other children in the school with allergies.

steppemum · 24/01/2019 12:27

Lunde - in the OP she said her dd is not able to make those decisions due to her SEN

teetotalling · 24/01/2019 12:29

Can't they keep another in the school office with all other medication? That's what we do. We're talking a primary school in my case but even so, I'd be gutted if the set up changes when DD goes to secondary school.

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:35

Freezerbird
Maybe, but these weren’t prepared on site so they couldn’t guarantee what was in them anyway. These were purchased for a gift, it wasn’t good from the canteen. Unknown to the headteacher, who told me the day it happened that teachers shouldn’t be using their own money to purchase gifts for the children.
Also, Im pretty sure I didn’t say the school caters for other allergies. I said DDs for tutor said they did and could cater for DD and the SEND teacher said they didn’t. So one of them is wrong

OP posts:
beanii · 24/01/2019 12:35

Maybe a mainstream school (guessing it is) is the best choice here if she has a lot of additional needs?

beanii · 24/01/2019 12:35

*isn't

Hillarious · 24/01/2019 12:37

How does the school/you deal with other students in the school with an airborne allergy? I'm dealing with someone at work who can't go into a room where nuts may have been served the previous day. At secondary, my vegetarian DS regularly took peanut butter sandwiches. Are restrictions place on others?

mintyneb · 24/01/2019 12:37

Steppemum, dairy is just as likely as nuts to cause anaphylaxis. My DD has had 2 such reactions, both times as a result of eating something that did not contain milk or dairy products but was likely affected by cross contamination.

As to the Op, the school quite clearly needs to educate themselves on food allergies. Maybe you should send them a link to the anaphylaxis campaign website

ILoveChristmasLights · 24/01/2019 12:40

YANBU. You SHOULD have been able to trust them, but clearly you couldn’t.

You’ve done the right thing taking her out of that school. I hope you have reported them too, they may kill a child.

You know your DD best, but do you think being HS is in DD’s best interest long term? What other opportunities does she have to make friends etc (I say that as someone who is PRO HS, but I think it CAN be harder for children who have additional needs to access other groups to make friends, unless your local HS group is SEN friendly). I understand your need (and priority) to protect her - it’s bloody hard with either severe allergies or SEN, but both together 😖

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