Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect school to not let my child eat something that could kill her (nut allergy)

43 replies

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 11:52

Last day of school DD came home looking rather sheepish and said I ate one of these and hands GM a packet of free from wheat and gluten gingerbread men. She said she’d been given them by her teacher because it was Christmas. Only one was missing from the box.
She’s on a strict diet, no dairy, no wheat/gluten or additives blah blah list goes on because of her ASD and it causes her behavioural problems. She also has anaphylaxis and can’t have nuts. The school are aware of all of this, I’ve put it on every form possible, mentioned it in meetings etc. She has a one to one TA most of the day for her ASD and to sit with her at lunchtimes because due to her autism, she’s not aware of the severity of her allergies and could eat something she’s not supposed to.

So, as me and GM are freaking out that school have given DD food when we told them not to, GM checks the box and it says “may contain peanut or nut traces”.
Long story short I’ve gone mental and spoke to the headteacher and requested a meeting ASAP in the new school year......

I get to the meeting and before I could speak the teacher in charge of SEND instantly blames my DD she came up with multiple excuses “she stole the biscuits”, which I find hard to believe, for starters DD is a crap liar, so I’d be able to tell if she was lying. She’s yet to perfect that skill. I have a sneaking suspicion the adults are the BS-ers here.
I asked if the teacher had looked to see where the biscuits had gone but apparently teachers (form teacher so not actually teaching a lesson as such) are too busy to check when a child has stolen something. Which I find hard to believe.
Then “she asked the teacher if she could have one and the teacher said, I don’t know” truth is the teacher should have flat out said no as only a week previously GM had told her that we did not want school to provide a Christmas lunch due to allergies and we would take food to school instead (teacher kept telling GM that the school cater for other children with allergies so they could make lunch. SEND teacher says the school kitchen uses nuts so isn’t safe).
Then, SEND teacher says the biscuits were for another child with allergies, not DD, which I’m guessing is also crap because they shouldn’t be feeding any child with allergies. Then she says DD is responsible for her own safety and should read packaging, which when she has EHCP and a one to one, including lunchtime because she can’t be trusted is just laughable.
So after much arguing, the head teacher produced this blinder.... “so are nut traces the same as nuts because I don’t know. Her file says she’s allergic to nuts, not nut traces” 😱 WTAF. So then it was my fault as they weren’t aware that nut traces could cause anaphylactic shock. Now I don’t claim to be any kind of genius, but the warnings on food packaging are more than likely there because traces can kill, not just a full sized nut. There’s been countless stories of late where someone has died as a result of traces, or packaging not being labelled. This is not a new phenomenon.

Oh and after she ate the biscuit, DD slung her bag somewhere and went to the school disco so had she gone into anaphylactic shock, chances are nobody would have found her epi pen in time.

So, AIBU to expect school to not be idiots and protect the children in their care?

I’ve removed DD from school because I couldn’t trust the idiots to babysit a tamagotchi.
Just interested to hear opinions of other parents with DCs that have allergies and maybe make them aware of potential risks.

OP posts:
longtompot · 24/01/2019 12:40

@steppeemum dairy allergy can cause anaphylaxis

From www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/milk-allergy/symptoms-causes/syc-20375101

Anaphylaxis. Milk allergy can cause anaphylaxis, a life-threatening reaction that narrows the airways and can block breathing. Milk is the third most common food — after peanuts and tree nuts — to cause anaphylaxis

I didn't know this, and my ed is allergic to dairy Shock

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:40

Teatottaling,
I don’t think they were prepared to take the responsibility for her medication. They seem to give the impression that ‘it’s not my problem’ but they’re quite happy to take the money for having a SEN child, more than happy to show her work off at parents evening and tick the equal opportunities box yet don’t actually want to do the work

OP posts:
longtompot · 24/01/2019 12:41

Sorry, @steppemum

Racecardriver · 24/01/2019 12:44

shockingly immature of them to behave that way. It’s one thing to make a mistake but trying to brush it off like that just isn’t ok.

FloatingthroughSpace · 24/01/2019 12:47

couldn't
Just a side point, schools do get money for children with ehcps but in every case they have to pay the first 6000 annually of any support. So they don't just get loads of money for youngsters with seen, they also have to contribute towards meeting those needs.

steppemum · 24/01/2019 12:47

I am appalled actually the lack of seriousness of the school, and surprised, as this is hardly new is it?

Although, secondary schools are notoriously less good at things like this where they expect children to police themselves more. recognising that your dd can't and it is writtne into her ECHP, they are letting you down badly.

Mind you I have heard several bad stories about secondary, the SEND co-ordinator is fine and up to speed, but it doesn't seem to get spread down to the rest of the staff somehow.

FloatingthroughSpace · 24/01/2019 12:47

Sen not seen

Tinyteatime · 24/01/2019 12:47

My dd is also anaphylactic to nuts. We don’t avoid things that ‘may contain traces’ and never have, because basically every Food item that comes from a packet states this. I think they were trying their best with the wheat/gluten free. Do you avoid all processed foods at home then? Your dd must have a very very restrictive diet, but the cherry sweet incident shows it’s necessary. I think as a parent of a severely allergic child you do have to keep reiterating and obviously send in your own food. The teacher should have said that she was planning on giving out these biscuits, didn’t want your dd to miss out and asked if you could send in a safe treat for her. I think your reaction is ever so slightly ott, however I do think ultimately the school was wrong and I do sympathise. It sounds like it came from a place of misunderstanding the severity of her allergy, rather than laziness/uncaring.

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:48

Beanii
We had all the relevant meetings prior to her starting school. Mainstream was the best option, she’s very clever but with no sense of danger, if that makes sense?
If children don’t have learning difficulties they don’t tend to go to a special school. From an education point of view, she’s at mainstream level. It’s more making sure she remembers to take her bag, and go to the right class more than the content of the lessons.

OP posts:
teetotalling · 24/01/2019 12:48

They sound utterly shit. I feel so sorry for you. Having children with dangerous allergies absolutely sucks. It's such a worry. You do need to cause a right stink about this. I don't know through which channels, sorry. Other posters should know the system better than me. Flowers

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 12:52

Tinyteatime
Yes everything is homemade. It’s life or death. Yes it’s expensive and very inconvenient but mums do what ever they need to do for their kids. I’m sure most people in my position would do the same

OP posts:
Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 13:01

Teetotalling, utterly shit is making them sound better than they are 😂 I’ve contacted the local authority, not heard back off them yet but I’m assuming they’ll just give them the same garbage they gave me.
It’s more about making other parents aware. We all send our kids to school, assuming the teachers have everything under control and it only takes one idiot and then it’s too late.
I’m fully aware that DD is just a number, if she hadn’t been so lucky, yeah they’d have been upset for a week and they’d do the standard ‘lessons have been learned’ speech but it’s mostly preventable.
I’ve read somewhere that allergy rates are higher with ASD, and obviously most ASD children will be in some kind of education. Parents need to be sure that everything is in place, whether mainstream school or SEN setting, to ensure their children are looked after

OP posts:
hickerydickerydockmouse · 24/01/2019 13:29

YANBU. What would piss me off even more is that instead of taking responsibility and apologising for their own mistake they have tried to put the blame on your poor daughter. That is very unprofessional and unethical. I would make an official complaint. Was anyone with you at the time you went to speak to the head teacher? Get every thing in writing.

beanii · 24/01/2019 13:34

Ah okay - maybe from reading your other replies home schooling is the answer. Also if she could have a reaction from airbourne and someone touching her then without stopping everyone in the whole school eating nuts/anything associated then home schooling definitely seems the way forward - and like you said you are able to give up your job and her school work is better so all in all an unexpected win I suppose!

Couldntmakethisshizup · 24/01/2019 13:40

Yeah I took my DM in with me. Think she was more stunned than I was.
I’ve emailed the local authority and told them everything, in kind of a complaint way if that makes sense, more because I’m worried about the other kids, so they can go and check they’re not going to drop the ball again. I’m not too fussed about an apology, she’s home and safe and learning and that’s all I need at the minute.

OP posts:
Atleastihavethecat · 24/01/2019 13:49

My DD goes to a school without a school meals plan, so everyone has packed lunches. No child is allowed to bring food that has nuts, or has a risk of nuts. So DD doesn't take anything with nuts, even though she's not allergic. Teachers like the one you encountered are the reason why they've rethought the whole lunchtime.

Yanbu.

hickerydickerydockmouse · 27/01/2019 21:15

Also contact the governors of the school OP.

Couldntmakethisshizup · 28/01/2019 15:30

Is there much point contacting the governors? I know the headteacher is listed as one and I get the impression they’ll cover each other’s arses anyway.
Can’t imagine anything will improve, I read in the Daily Fail that it’s one of the worst performing schools in the country.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page