Bullied out of my job

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I've been bullied at work for the past 3 years. I raised a formal grievance which proved this. I'm now off work with work related stress. It's all got to much and the anxiety has taken over my life.

Yesterday I met with my manager who basically said they can't change the bullies behaviour and I need to change how I react to it! There isn't a way forward for me now and it looks like I will have to leave a job that is perfect for me and I really enjoy it. I'm shocked at the lack of support I have received from my managers. It all feels very wrong. What would you do in this situation?

I've walked this walk. My GP advised me to leave. And told me, in his experience, trying to fight it will break you.
Didn't want to go, and was heartbroken to go. But I did go, and am so much happier now.
It doesn't matter about grievances, hearings etc and you will clearly not get anywhere trying to take this further/higher.
Seriously, it will never change.
(It should, of course)
Cut your losses, and save your sanity. Leave.
You will be better valued elsewhere. Do you really want to continue to work for management where this kind of thing is acceptable?

Is it an LA school or an academy?

It used to be that being forced into leaving was seen as constructive dismissal which means you could go to a tribunal. I think ACAS is your best bet for advice. It is really difficult to fight something like this when you have been ground down, so if tryouts can get advice it might help. For instance if you leave stating why, and you have a window of time before you can make a case, then you can take some time to consider your options and work out if it is worth pursuing once you have gone. I'd does seem a shame to let the school away with this. Good luck

OP I'm a lawyer and I deal with civil claims where people have suffered psychologically due to stress and bullying at work. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like more information

Join the union. NOW.
It's never too late. The moment you join, seek out a rep and discuss with them.

It is too late to join a union unfortunately. No union will help or represent you when you join with a pre-existing or ongoing issue.

Acas would be your best port of call.

You have an extremely high case for unfair dismissal. Your manager has seriously failed in their duty of care.
You MH is already suffering hence the anxiety. Your manager could be In deep water here. Wipe the floor with them, and bloody well enjoy it
It's not down to any victim to change or react differently to it to make other peoples lives easier.

Acas and Union.
Don't seek out the rep from the school. You can talk to someone above that person. One school the rep became very pally with the head, who knew things about the staff he shouldn't have known.

As unfair as it is, I would recommend you to cut your losses and leave. You could fight it, but it will tear you down and wear you out. Been there and done that (and also seen it happen to other colleagues). I suggest you start applying for new jobs this spring and get out of there as fast as you can.

I'd craft a carefully worded (i.e. don't make it look blatantly like you're gathering evidence) email to try and get something in writing to confirm what they said

I would write an email to confirm what was discussed during the meeting and ask that if they wished to add anything you missed or dispute anything then please inform you within 5 working days.

This way if they don't get back to you then what you have wrotten stands

Its so hard to be in this situation and unsupported by those higher. Such a let down. People have told me life is to short and to walk away. I know they are right but when I haven't asked for any of this it's difficult to come to terms with the fact I'm being forced to leave my job and that person will be blemish free. I'm not the first person to have to leave because of this bully.

I used to work as a teacher and I was bullied by another member of staff over the period of about a year. It was hugely stressful. I ended up getting panic attacks daily and crying almost every evening. I'm stubborn and refused to be bullied out of my job so I fought back. It took about a year to work through it and in the end I "won". He was 100% in the wrong and the leadership made sure it never happened again.

But the cost was huge to myself. Firstly, the emotional and psychological toll cannot be underestimated. I did eventually get over that. But what also happened that even though I won, it sucked all my enthusiasm and joy out of the job and I never got that back. I ended up leaving two years later. Tbh, if I had known that, I would just have left when it started. It wasn't worth the emotional cost.

The state I'm in at the moment I'm not sure I'm actually fit to work anywhere!

I'm surprised how common bullying at work seems to be. Why do you think it happens?

Can you get your GP sign you off with stress to give you time to collect your thoughts and search for another job? You should probably see your GP any way, if you haven't already.
Presumably if you go off sick, it'll make more work and things difficult for your manager.

Is counselling provided as part of your contract? Of so, then it might be worth taking it up. Not because it is going to solve the situation but it may help to have the opportunity to get it off your chest.

It's shit when things like this happen and so unfair.

I have been to my GP who has signed me off for a month to begin with. He's also given me medication. Can't believe it's come to this.

Don't beat yourself up over it.
If you've been given antidepressants, then they will take a week or so to kick in and you may feel worse first. However, you should eventually start feeling better and be able to think rationally.

Why do you think it happens?

Because some people are just arseholes and some people prefer to ignore arsehole behaviour than challenge it. It's something entirely wrong with society, and if I was in charge I'd come down like a ton of bricks. But to fight it when you have no support from senior staff could very well break you, and you can't afford for that to happen.

This isn't about you. The bullying isn't anything to do with you. It's entirely to do with the bullying arsehole; if it wasn't you it would be someone else. It is awful now but you have the potential to walk away and find a school that suits you, appreciates you and values you. That bully is always going to be a wanker, and no change of schools will ever stop that. Let them be wankers. You have so much more to do than to be drowned by this.

MumW - I really hope I feel better than this soon. Thanks

Idontbelieveinthemoon - I agree with everything you say. Thankyou

Op I went through something very similar. I was promoted at work and one of the women I was managing took a massive dislike to me. She made it clear it was an age thing... I was 15 years younger. She made it her daily mission to make snide comments about how I was a kid who knew nothing. She would say horrid things to me when we were alone yet in front of others she was clever enough to make it look like it was all a big joke. I complained so many times and one time our financial director actually overheard a conversation between us through an open window where I asked her why are you doing this? And her reply was "because I refuse to be managed by a child". He told the MD what he had heard and the MD basically told me he was really sorry but he needed to keep her and so had to use it to learn to toughen up and see it as character building. I ended up leaving which i was was gutted about and the md tried everything (but sacking her) to keep me. But i decided my mental health was too important and she was consuming my everything. I agree with pp about joining the union, but sometimes I think people are just complete bastards and unless they go, you may have to :-(

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.
The same situation happened to my MIL last year and has only just (this week) been dealt with. Took almost 6 months. It was a worrying time for my DH as he was constantly worried about his mum and all the 6 months she signed off.

She was bullied & management didn't see the problem.

Cut a long story short, she seen the solicitor and was in the process of taking them to court for contrastive dismissal. In the end, they offered her a pay out, and has now left.

My advise, write every bit of information about what's happened down and go and see a solicitor to get some advice.

Am I no able to join a union now because it's an ongoing issue? I didn't realise support staff could join.

Get legal advice this is constructive dismissal and illegal

DroningOn- I'm going to look into this but I think the fees would come to more than I earn in a year. It's a very part time job.