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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DD have the same haircut as me?

72 replies

Plipplops · 24/01/2019 09:21

I've got an undercut - less of a style statement of any kind, rather that I have really thick long hair and this means there's less of it to deal with.

DD (who's 11) has very thick long hair too, and wants the same for the same reasons (she loves her long hair but there's so much of it to wash and dry which I completely sympathise with).

I don't have an issue in principle with her having it, but think we'll look a couple of idiots walking down the street with the same hair if we both have it done? I'd never consider us wearing the same clothes so AIBU in saying no to this?!

OP posts:

U2HasTheEdge · 24/01/2019 10:58

I have very thick hair. Having it thinned out helps but there is still far too much hair. I am considering having an undercut for the same reasons. Has it really helped you OP? My only concern is what it would look like when I put my hair up. I have it up a lot.

Sorry for the slight derail.

As long as the school is ok with it I would let her have it.

recklessruby · 24/01/2019 10:59

My dd and I have the same mid back length hair and same style. Her ends are green but mine are pink currently. We just get compliments on mum/daughter look and she borrows my clothes. We are 24 and 50 though . I keep threatening to buy beige slacks so she leaves my stuff alone.
As long as school won't be funny I would let her do it. It's her hair

recklessruby · 24/01/2019 11:01

Oh and btw I work in a school and I keep my pink ends tucked up in a bun so all they can see is my Brown hair. Stupid school rules.

amusedbush · 24/01/2019 11:07

Still wondering what an undercut is...

Do you not have access to Google, no?

NameChange176 · 24/01/2019 11:18

Leaving aside the question of whether or not the school would allow it, I don’t understand the issue. An undercut is not a single style. It’s more a technique, you can have both the undercut part and the longer hair cut differently. Unless you both always wear your hair up most people wouldn’t even know that you both had undercuts. For this to be a concern don’t you already have hair that looks to be the same style whenever you both wear your hair down anyway?

Belenus · 24/01/2019 11:19

Are you all honestly saying if you saw us walking down the street next to each other you wouldn't judge??!

Why would it matter if we did? It would be my problem, not yours, if I was a nosy judgemental tosser with too much time on my hands.

babysleep4 · 24/01/2019 11:21

If you both wear it in ponytail and you can see the shaved bit then yes it looks silly mum and daughter with the same haircut but I am assuming it's hidden by wearing your hair down so it would just look like two people with long hair. I am sure there is a less severe way to get your hair thinned than shaving a big chunk of it though.

QueenieInFrance · 24/01/2019 11:22

But it really depends on how she is going to cut the rest of her hair, doesn’t it?

Long hair in a pony tail that is held high up, yes it will be visible.
Shorter hair, in a bob. nope.
Same with saying youmwill have the same haircut. Surely it depends on the way the rest if the hair is styled. If you look at the photos you linked to, could you really say those women all have the same hair cut??

I’d start by choosing another haircut that is NOT just a long hair variation and then see if you can incorporate an undercut.

Original poster

Plipplops · 24/01/2019 11:26

U2 yes it definitely helps. You can’t tell at all when your hair is down, (and since my hair’s so thick when it’s blow dried nicely down it looks nicer than it did before) and I think it looks ok when it’s up (people have only ever commented and said nice things, but I guess those that thinks it’s stupid keep their thoughts to themselves?!). If your hair’s all the same colour (as opposed to different colour roots) then I’m not even sure it notices that much? DH maintains it for me between visits to the hairdresser (I don’t go that often so he probably trims it every 3-4 weeks or so (he does an ok job), but it’s pretty forgiving. Will look rubbish when I grow it out but I’ve had it 18 months now and while my hair is long I think I’ll keep it?

OP posts:

U2HasTheEdge · 24/01/2019 11:31

I am sure there is a less severe way to get your hair thinned than shaving a big chunk of it though.

If you have super thick hair having it thinned helps, but there is still a big bulk.

Thank you OP. My hair is dark so I don't think it would be too noticeable. My hair is shoulder length but it is skimming my shoulders and curling out so I often wear it up so I don't have to take ages to style it. I think I am going to go for it!

BlueKarou · 24/01/2019 11:32

If you can't see it when your hair is down then just make sure one or other of you has your hair down when you're out together. Or don't - it doesn't matter what other people think.

Nottobesoldseparately · 24/01/2019 11:34

If you always have it tied up I don't see the point in having one, if it's not for style and statement.

Just get it thinned out like everyone else with thick hair does.

Easier and cheaper to maintain for a start.

TheClaws · 24/01/2019 11:35

Wow, your school answers emails quickly! Lucky.

PippilottaLongstocking · 24/01/2019 11:40

At one point myself, my sister, my mum, and my SIL all had matching undercuts. For a while me and my younger brother had the exact same haircut. It’s fine.

StrawberryBlondeRed · 24/01/2019 11:58

YABU

To not let DD have the same haircut as me?

MumW · 24/01/2019 12:02

No need for an undercut. Just ask the hairdresser to thin her hair a bit. Mines thick and it makes a massive difference but it just looks like normal so wouldn't be an issue for the school.

U2HasTheEdge · 24/01/2019 12:11

If you always have it tied up I don't see the point in having one, if it's not for style and statement.

If it works I hopefully won't need to have it up so much. I will still have it up a lot for work i'm sure . Once it gets past this awkward length I will want it down more.

I have my hair thinned out often, it helps but still not enough. I have so much hair it is crazy, and with a strong kink in it thinning it out still leaves me with too much hair. I wish it was as simple as just getting it thinned out and leaving the salon with easily manageable hair. For me it isn't.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 24/01/2019 13:49

She could still put her hair in a low ponytail and it wouldn't show...

And you'd be utterly bonkers not to let her do this just for the sake of what random passers by might think

DoJo · 24/01/2019 14:05

Are you all honestly saying if you saw us walking down the street next to each other you wouldn't judge??!

I think you're drastically overseeing how much notice other people take off your/your daughter's hair. I can't imagine even noticing this, let alone thinking about it enough to form an opinion.

DoJo · 24/01/2019 14:57

*overestimating

RhiWrites · 24/01/2019 15:01

Are you all honestly saying if you saw us walking down the street next to each other you wouldn't judge??!

Being completely honest, I would wonder if you saw your daughter as a “mini me” if she was dressed the same as you with the same haircut. If she was dressed very differently, I probably wouldn’t notice the hair. Unless you’re both very striking.

SaturdayNext · 25/01/2019 07:51

Will look rubbish when I grow it out but I’ve had it 18 months now and while my hair is long I think I’ll keep it?

If or when you grow it out, can you just cut the rest of your hair to the same length?

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