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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Lifts?

53 replies

Fairyliz · 23/01/2019 11:30

I am part of a group of 4 friends who sometimes go into our local city on a Friday night for a meal/to the theatre etc. Three of us are married one is single (relevant). Usually what happens is that one of the DH's runs us in and another collects us.

However I know my DH is not very keen on doing this running around. He is exhausted on a Friday night and generally like to come in, have a drink and slump in front of the tv, which obviously he cannot do if he is driving us around. The round trip would be about an hour.

I suggested to friends that we get a taxi, but they are not keen due to the cost, which would be about £15 per person in total.

I know that DH will drive if I ask him (albeit a bit grumpily), but he would never ask me to do anything I didn't want to so it feels a bit mean. It also annoys me that the single friend never drives or pays for a taxi but doesn't get any pressure from the group.

So any wise words from MN jury?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 23/01/2019 11:34

"Sorry, my husband has plans. I'm happy to split if a taxi if there are no other volunteers."

Skimmedmilk1 · 23/01/2019 11:35

why don't you just drive yourself?

TheCowboy · 23/01/2019 11:37

Could be run you to one of the friends houses and you travel in from there? An hour seems a fair bit to expect regularly.

I do something similar for my wife but only occasionally, and it's usually to a friend's house that is basically unreachable by public transport and a fortune in a taxi.

I think you really need to speak to your friends about their piss-taking. Can't any of their partners take a turn?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 23/01/2019 11:41

Well if your DH won't do it but the other 2 will then you and the single friend will have to think of another way of contributing.

Do you all chip in for petrol when one of the husbands does the trip?

I'd book taxis and see it as a bonus when one of the husbands offers to do a trip.

anniehm · 23/01/2019 11:43

I would push for a cab home, perhaps reduce to every other month and go local in between

abigamarone · 23/01/2019 11:44

When you say 'sometimes', how often are you talking? Once a month, once every three months?

TulipsInbloom1 · 23/01/2019 11:45

Just take turns to each drive. The person whose turn it is can then either drive/have a partner drive them/pay for a taxi.

RiverTam · 23/01/2019 11:47

I find this reliance on your DHs to drive you around on your night out rather odd, tbh - especially as it's such a long way. I don't blame your DH for wanting to bail.

I suppose if the others won't go for a cab that either you get yourself there and back or you don't go.

secretmetoo · 23/01/2019 11:47

Yep, drive yourself in when it’s your turn. Assuming you can drive that is.

PotteryLady · 23/01/2019 11:48

I would just drive myself

Bigonesmallone3 · 23/01/2019 11:49

Surely your married friends DHs are tired on a Friday after a week at work too?
Seems unfair that now it's round to your turn you want to change the routine..
If he's going to be grumpy you drive..

SaucyJack · 23/01/2019 11:51

Why don’t you drive yourself?

If the other women and spouses are happy with the arrangement, I don’t think it’s for you to tell them they can’t do it any more.

Original poster
Fairyliz · 23/01/2019 12:21

Just to clarify a few points:-
We all live fairly close to each other(within two miles) so husbands drive around village collecting each person then off to the city.

The three husbands take it in turn driving. So in January husband A drives in husband B collects. February Husband C drives in husband A collects etc

None of the women want to drive as that means we can't drink and parking is difficult.

If I drove myself in I would be driving past the other women's houses.

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 23/01/2019 12:23

None of the women want to drive as that means we can't drink and parking is difficult

How entitled.

bridgetreilly · 23/01/2019 12:26

I think you should be taking it in turns to drive yourselves, tbh. I wouldn't want to give up a Friday evening to drive other people for an hour when they are all perfectly capable of driving themselves. Don't the husbands also like a drink on a Friday night?

Narya · 23/01/2019 12:35

I don't think asking your DH to drive you all in to the city at the start of the evening every couple of months is too bad - he can come home and slump with a drink afterwards. But asking any of your DHs to stay up and not drink in order to come and pick you all up later is a bit crap imo. I think you should probably all chip in for a taxi home, thus also making the single friend contribute.

Original poster
Fairyliz · 23/01/2019 12:36

More info (sorry!)
My DH and one of the other DH's drink, one is teatotal.
I don't expect people to drive me around and as I also like to drink that's why I suggested a taxi. Its my friends who don't want to pay for a taxi.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 23/01/2019 12:40

I would be honest "girls the lifts are getting a bit much for dh, dropping is fine but collecting isn't, in fairness he wants to have a drink and chill too. How about we change to taking turns to drop and taxi it back, it seems a happy compromise "

Single friend doesn't get a say and surely the other two would welcome it as a compromise, it's £7.50 per person, so not extortionate

Musicalstatues · 23/01/2019 12:40

So basically it’s only once every 3 months for each husband?? I don’t think that’s an h reasonable ask at all.

And no I wouldn’t want to be driving on a once a month th night out either, not the same at all.

As for your single friend personally I’d let it slide I think unless she is taking the piss in other ways. Either that or every 4th month get a taxi.

Musicalstatues · 23/01/2019 12:41

That should say ‘I don’t think that’s an unreasonable ask’

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 23/01/2019 12:49

So the other friends/their dp's are taking turns doing the dropping off/collecting but when it's your/your dp's turn you can't be arsed? Tbh if you were my friend I'd stop inviting you for being a.piss taker. It's your turn so assuming you've been taken /dropped off for free by the others on their turns,, it's up to you to organise travel on your turn. If dp can't be bothered to do his bit you'll have to fork out for a taxi won't you? Why should your friends be out of pocket on your turn but you aren't on theirs?

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 23/01/2019 12:50

Excluding the single friend she should be paying for a taxi on her turn also

Romanov · 23/01/2019 12:53

The three husbands take it in turn driving. So in January husband A drives in husband B collects. February Husband C drives in husband A collects etc

so they have to drive you in once every 2 months - if its an 30 mins away, cant you get a lift to the local train station, or you drive? or a pre booked taxi?

how is the non driving friend contributing?

bellabasset · 23/01/2019 12:57

I think your dh's might be happy to drive you in but understand they might not want to be collecting you in the early hours.

I think that I would've been prepared to collect my dh and friends on every 3 months. However I would be a bit miffed if your single friend didn't have the courtesy to offer a small token as a thank you, bottle of wine etc. She's a bit cheeky as the rest of you are paying petrol and running costs.

RiverTam · 23/01/2019 12:58

Crop why should the OP be dropped because her DH doesn't want to do this anymore, which is that hertaking the piss - anymore than single women without husband to share the lifts?

This is why they shouldn't depend on anyone other than themselves to get there. Have some fucking independence!