Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 8 told serious lie

43 replies

SheisMammyof2 · 22/01/2019 18:51

Reposted from Parenting for traffic.
I've just spent the day in a&e with 8yo DS after being called by school as he was complaining of headache and blurred vision. He has a chronic neurological condition (completely controlled) but I am extra cautious as a result. Gp saw him as emergency and sent us to a&e as she was stumped. A&e doc also stumped, sent us to eye clinic and then was planning MRI. In eye clinic he admitted he made the whole thing up! I am so upset and angry with him. Apart from the waste of resources and DH and I both taking a half day off work, I was so worried all day imagining all sorts. I want to impress upon him the seriousness of what he's done, but don't want to completely overreact as he is only 8. There are no issues in school, he's a happy boy, if a little bit too used to getting his own way. Aibu to not know how to handle this? Wwyd?

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 22/01/2019 18:53

Read the fable The Boy who Cried Wolf to him and discuss why he must never say he is unwell if he isn't?

XXcstatic · 22/01/2019 18:55

Could you talk about how he would feel if one day he is really poorly, but there is no one to help him because the doctors and nurses are busy treating someone who is only pretending to be ill?

Soubriquet · 22/01/2019 18:56

I would sit him down and fully explain why you are upset.

Ask him why he chose to lie about something like this and that something this serious should never be fibbed about

RitaConnors · 22/01/2019 18:56

I'd just tell him just what you've written here. With a bit of 'boy who cried wolf' thrown in as he needs to understand that people might not take him seriously next time.

I'd also tell him you can't take him to the cinema/buy him football boots or whatever as you had to take half a days leave. And that's why you work. For money.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 22/01/2019 18:56

Did he really make it up - make sure of that first!
Was it a story that got out of hand? Did you chivvy him along (I’m not saying deliberately) but as we say in Casa Fekko ‘did you lead the witness?’

waterrat · 22/01/2019 18:57

Why did he do it? I would presume there was something going on that he wasn't admitting.

waterrat · 22/01/2019 18:58

If he was being 'naughty' rather than something odd going on I would get a doctor to get a bit serious on him about pressure on A and E etc.

Artfullydead · 22/01/2019 19:01

How horrible for you. I reckon it sounds like he enjoyed the fuss though. I think he knows he did wrong hence he confessed, so I'd say well done for him for that and discuss how to use words!

KurriKurri · 22/01/2019 19:04

Yes I think I would emphasise to him that another little boy or girl may have had to wait longer for treatment because he was being attended to. I would also have made him apologise to the hospital staff for wasting their time and hospital resources - maybe write them a letter.

I suspect it may have been alie that got out of hand. he perhaps thought he'd bung on a bit of a sickie (as many children do)to get an afternoon off school - perhaps it was a boring lesson coming up or something. Then because of his condition it escalated into an a and e drama. In his head he might have thought 'Mum will take me home and when we get there I'll say I feel a bit better and she'll let me watch TV' but it got out of his hands and he didn;t know how to stop it. *yr olds aren;t known or their ability to foresee all consequences - they often act on ill thought out impulse.

And despite my suggesting apoligising etc. I would say to him that although he told a lie and you are cross about that, in the end he was brave to own up and to stop it when he must have known it would get him into trouble. That shows that he's a good boy with a good heart who made a silly error of judgement.

nuttybutter · 22/01/2019 19:05

Show him how much a trip to A&E costs the NHS, not to mention the people having to wait in line behind him. Maybe he could do some chores to earn some money then donate it to charity. I do think this is serious lying.It wasn't just a little fib.

perroy · 22/01/2019 19:07

Are you spending enough time with him? Could this be a cry for attention.

SlowlyShrinking · 22/01/2019 19:07

Could he be saying he made it up because he was tired and wanted to go home, and didn’t want an MRI?

Crunchymum · 22/01/2019 19:08

I think I'd be getting him to write a few letters of apology (to hospital staff and school staff).... Don't send them but get him to write and explain he knows what he did was wrong and he is sorry etc...

ApolloandDaphne · 22/01/2019 19:21

I once made up something similar and fairly serious at about the same age. I did it as i loved the attention it brought me. I had lovely parents and a nice life bit my younger brother took up mare of my mums time. When i pretended i was ill she was super lovely and attentive to me and i lapped it up. She does not know to this day is lied about this. I am now a normal functioning 56 year old and i don't make up illnesses.

Is it possible your DS just wanted attention?

spiderlight · 22/01/2019 19:22

My primary concern would be to get to the bottom of why he made it up. Did it start as a smaller lie to get out of something at school and then snowball because he couldn't find a way out of it?

SandunesAndRainclouds · 22/01/2019 19:24

Did he really make it up? Or just saying that to get out of the MRI which might sound frightening to him.

Angelicwings · 22/01/2019 19:27

I'd be the same as a PP, I'd really really want to know why (properly why, not just "I felt like it") he did it. How did the situation start, when did he get the idea - before school today? During school? What did he think would happen? Etc.

DannyZuko · 22/01/2019 19:27

When I was 7 I sort of exaggerated about a mild knee pain (I really wanted some crutches - I was an odd child) which then ended up escalating rather quickly with X-rays and all sorts. They almost did keyhole surgery to figure out what was wrong with me...!!

I didn't set out to "lie" and I absolutely didn't mean for it to turn into a huge drama, so I agree with previous posters who suggest that he perhaps thought pulling a sickie might be beneficial but then it snowballed due to his condition.

Maybe he thought this was a good way to get some glasses? Sounds silly but I was also desperate for glasses as a child and may have tried this to get my hands on some, even though my vision was - and still is - frustratingly perfect.

Also echo the "boy who cried wolf" story. Luckily back in the olden days of my childhood "wasting NHS time" wasn't such a huge problem, but if this were now, that story adapted for a medical situation would have scared me straight.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 22/01/2019 19:28

He must have been trying to get out of something at school and it all went too far.

Problem is that if they complain they have a headache school would normally suggest a glass of water and a quiet sit down, and that’s not going to help him get out of a maths test or whatever. Exaggerating the ailment would mean he was definitely picked up though.

I’d start there - he wanted to get out of something.

BottleOfJameson · 22/01/2019 19:28

I would also be very concerned about why he made it up. I'm assuming that at 8 he has some grasp of the seriousness of going to hospital and you both getting him from school. I would be concerned he didn't really make it up (but didn't want to stay in hospital and have more tests) or if he did was he afraid of something at school or desperate for attention? It's an odd thing to even want to do (it's not like he just said he was ill to have a day in bed watching TV).

BottleOfJameson · 22/01/2019 19:30

Although I agree it might have just snowballed.

orangecushion · 22/01/2019 19:30

My advice, forget it.

billybagpuss · 22/01/2019 19:33

I agree with trying to get to the bottom of why he did it, but as for how to handle it with my DD's there were an occasion where their actions meant I had to take time off work and as I'm self employed thats money we don't get. So I made sure it was things they wanted that got left off the weekly shopping list to compensate.

In your case it could be when deciding on a mini break make sure he realises that whilst you're not cross, you can only go away for 3 days instead of 4 maybe because you both had to use the holiday on his day trip to the hospital.

kateandme · 22/01/2019 19:35

ask him to go right back to the exact moment of the lie.what was he doing?feeling?thinking.could there be something he cant quite think was the cause but you might.
have the doc have a word?
the boy who cried wolf story I can still remember.
tell him in child talk how you felt.
how would he feel if it was him having to take mummy to hospital but she had lied!

whitehousemum · 22/01/2019 19:35

I did exactly this (exactly the same made up symptoms) at exactly this age. I am still not entirely sure why I did it but think it was a cry for attention - I think I was very stressed at the time. I felt incredibly guilty about it all through my teens until I finally confessed to my Mum. I have never made up an illness since, but I do know that when I did it I was not very happy. I have two sibling who at the time would have been toddlers, I wonder if I felt I needed more attention. I was always very well behaved otherwise - I think maybe I wouldn't have felt able to get attention by being 'naughty' or otherwise.

Swipe left for the next trending thread