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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS 8 told serious lie

43 replies

SheisMammyof2 · 22/01/2019 18:51

Reposted from Parenting for traffic.
I've just spent the day in a&e with 8yo DS after being called by school as he was complaining of headache and blurred vision. He has a chronic neurological condition (completely controlled) but I am extra cautious as a result. Gp saw him as emergency and sent us to a&e as she was stumped. A&e doc also stumped, sent us to eye clinic and then was planning MRI. In eye clinic he admitted he made the whole thing up! I am so upset and angry with him. Apart from the waste of resources and DH and I both taking a half day off work, I was so worried all day imagining all sorts. I want to impress upon him the seriousness of what he's done, but don't want to completely overreact as he is only 8. There are no issues in school, he's a happy boy, if a little bit too used to getting his own way. Aibu to not know how to handle this? Wwyd?

OP posts:

Floandme · 22/01/2019 19:37

Dollars to donuts he was swinging the lead trying to get a day off school and the whole thing snowballed.

Bet he just thought he'd get sent home!

kateandme · 22/01/2019 19:37

I do remember especially at that age though how lies can/have to snow ball once you start them.and then the guilt of lying so you can possibly say your lying and so on and so on...

Dragon3 · 22/01/2019 19:38

I would try to find out why, although it might just be that a small lie got escalated into a big lie when the school took it seriously. And children of that age sometimes believe their own fiction IYSWIM.

Since he has a chronic condition, make sure that your reaction means he is not put off telling you about symptoms in future.

If you are sure that it was a lie, I would make him write notes of apology to the GP and A&E. And school (but only deliver the school one if you are sure that they won't dismiss any symptoms in the future).

Dragon3 · 22/01/2019 19:39

And find him a way of making amends to you and his dad as well as notes of apology. Then move on.

adaline · 22/01/2019 19:39

Are you sure he wasn't just trying to get out of school?

Sounds like he complained of a headache and his teacher probably said "see how you get on" so he threw the blurred vision thing in there in the hopes he was taken seriously and could go home!

HoraceCope · 22/01/2019 19:41

Perhaps it just got out of control, and now he feels 100% better.

mumsastudent · 22/01/2019 19:42

but be sure he really hasn't got eye problem because its possible that he maybe frightened of the tests & decided he would rather put up with the discomfort or that the sensation in his eyes has stopped (ie is intermittent) those eye pressure tests can be scary...

TonTonMacoute · 22/01/2019 19:44

It needs a calm explanation of the consequences and a discussion now, but you need to make clear that future lies could be dangerous, and will be punished.

Does he have any understanding of why what he did was wrong? A child that age should at least have an inkling, and be feeling a bit bad about it, in which case you just need to reinforce what he already knows.

HoraceCope · 22/01/2019 19:45

Yes, I agree, he could be frightened of the tests

Clueing4looks · 22/01/2019 19:47

You could tell him the story of what happened to my ds!

Age 12 he decided he didn’t want to participate in the cross country event at school the next day. I wouldn’t write him a note to excuse him.
He then developed a pain in his testicle that was ‘getting worse’ by the minute. I called NHS direct for advice who told us to go to A&E.

Upon arrival, we were rushed to the children’s ward, to be greeted by surgeons who whisked him off for emergency surgery as they suspected a testicular torsion, and the only way to diagnose is by looking inside.

2 days later he admitted he’d made the whole thing up - there was no pain in the first place, he just didn’t want to do the run.

So, DS did get out of doing the cross country. He got 10 days off of school, but was in a considerable amount of pain every time he moved, with 8 stitches in his testicle. He also missed the end of year trip to a theme park which he was looking forward to. Very painful lesson learnt.

Yabbers · 22/01/2019 19:48

Yeah, I wouldn’t be angry with him. Clearly was trying to get out of something at school and picked sore head rather than “I feel sick”. Then it all went too far too quickly and he didn’t know hoe to get out of it.

Poor wee thing, I feel quite sorry for him! I would explain calmly that all lies are bad, but why it’s really important, given his history, that he doesn’t lie about his health as next time he might not be believed.

Of course, if he has form for lying, that needs to be addressed but I would say he’s had anough worry about this one and the natural consequences of how he would have felt when it escalated are probably punishment enough.

Yabbers · 22/01/2019 19:52

Are you spending enough time with him? Could this be a cry for attention.

erinaceus · 22/01/2019 19:54

Could he be saying he made it up because he was tired and wanted to go home, and didn’t want an MRI?

This was my first thought, I would explore this possibility.

CandleConcerto · 22/01/2019 19:55

I think this got away from him, and he did fess up eventually. Give him the third degree but let him know he’s partially redeemed himself with the truth.

AbsentmindedWoman · 22/01/2019 20:01

Are you sure he made it up?

MRI might have scared him so he pretended he was ok?

Oddcat · 22/01/2019 20:09

It’s a good job he wasn’t sent for a CT scan - a huge dose of unnecessary radiation.
I’d explain the waste of doctors time and how other children may have had to wait longer etc and then keep a close eye on things, especially at school.

Original poster

SheisMammyof2 · 22/01/2019 22:28

Thank you everyone for all the responses. We've had a few conversations this evening and it turns out there is an issue in school which I will address with his teacher tomorrow. However I feel that this doesn't excuse his behavior, so there's been a lot of talk about consequences and how frightened and disappointed we were. I also thanked him for owning up in the end so that has somewhat mitigated his punishment. The doctors are happy that he was making it up so I'm not worried that he was lying to get out of more tests. They're also bringing him back for review in a couple of weeks just to be sure. He's going to donate some of his much loved Beanos to the paeds waiting room while we're there. Kids eh! Who'd have em?!

OP posts:

kateandme · 23/01/2019 04:09

aww im glad you got it sorted op.and yes there is usually something behind something like this so im glad he was able to tell you this.
maybe tomorrow or in a few yu could have another word.let him know he can tell you absolutely anything and you will not judge only care and support him so he keep being reassured he doesn't need to lie or go to extremes in times of need.because as it spun out he must have been scard witless!

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