To not tell anyone we are married?

[Twinmama32]

My partner and I have been together for 21 years, have two children, a mortgage and a cat...always felt we didn’t need marriage. my father in law died last year and it shocked me, my perspective changed somewhat, it’s largely to do with security but also recognition legally that we are a couple.
I don’t want a Big wedding, so we are planning a registry one in Easter holidays, just us, children and witnesses (possibly our mums who don’t know and won’t be told till previous week so they don’t tell anyone!).

Thing is do we tell everyone after or just not bother? Always made a big thing of not getting married and now I’m contradicting myself, plus I expect there’s going to be a lot of people who don’t get why we don’t want a big deal/party.
Had anyone ever just not told anyone after the event? Was there fallout?

Ok, so you are celebrating, dinner with your parents and kids. I'd just let folks know, say you're getting married, it's a small intimate event with just dinner with your parents and kids after, I don't understand why any one would not respect that.

Do you know I probably wouldn't even tell the mothers and just say you are taking them out to lunch/dinner and head to the registry office en route. I have had 2 close friends marry without telling everyone and it wasn't a big deal. They just got on with life afterwards. No fuss, no parties, no stress or financial worry. I think you need to forget about what others might think and make plans to suit yourself and your partner.

Marriage does change a relationship, even a long standing one.

I don’t think you can possibly generalise about this. For some people it clearly does, for others nothing significant changes at all. I did have quite a big wedding, but literally nothing afterwards felt different about our relationship. The only thing in our lives that changed was the amount of glassware and china we owned.

@JassyRadlett I was commenting on my experience and the experiences of everyone I know. Of course you can't generalise to everyone by rjt is definitely something to think about. I don't think you can necessarily predict if your relationship is one that will change or one that will stay the same. Also I'm not in any way saying or would change for the worse, just that things may be different.

We got married after 21 years together, and didn’t tell anyone other than our witnesses, for more than a year. It was the reverse of a big deal for us, and I’d have found fuss from other people irritating.

And marriage changed absolutely nothing. Why would it? We didn’t get married to bandage a failing relationship. Life went on exactly as before. That was seven years ago. We’re still happy.

@Kennehora my parents got married after 30+ years together. It was purely a legal formality. My mother kept her (ex husbands!) name. It still changed the relationship. It's not something you can predict.

Yy kennehora.

I’d like to hear more on marriage ‘changing the relationship’. If you marry to shore up a relationship in trouble, then it’s not the marriage that is changing things. If you’re in a committed, happy long term relationship and marry as it’s the easiest way to sort finances, there’s no reason at all for anything to change.

Why? You think it makes you superior to married people somehow?

What the fuck?

Where the hell did that show up in the OP?

Jesus!