That I have never had an orgasm?

[theonetowalkinthesun]

Okay so I know I'm not being unreasonable.
But I am looking for help!

I have never had an orgasm. Never. Never on my own or with a partner. Never with any of the wide variety of people I've had sex with, never with any of my long term partners. I've tried vibrators, dildos, vibrating dildos. Lots of foreplay, no foreplay. Vaginal, anal, oral. Everything. Help!

I enjoy sex, i enjoy oral, and I enjoy masturbating- but I just have never come!
So because I've never come before, I don't even know when I'm "close" because I don't even know what "it" feels like?

I'm assuming the block is psychological?

Does anyone have any ideas?
I have had someone tell me that taking diazepam worked for them?
Someone tell me that smoking cannabis worked for them?
Has counselling ever worked for anyone?
I've never tried any of these.
I have never had any past sexual trauma.

It makes me feel like a inexperienced teenager again!
Someone help me get my first orgasm!

First thing to do is stop assuming its a psychological block, and see your GP.

There’s a sex topic which might be a better place to post. Report your post and have it moved.

Diazepam often prevents orgasm. Are you on any medication, antidepressants etc? I’m on certain meds now and can’t orgasm, yet before that I could easily, multiple times.

Not at all unusual. Plenty of people don't orgasm - then one day something clicks and they do! Stop trying! Sex can be really lovely without a particular end in mind (think Tantric). The fact that you enjoy it so much is marvellous in itself.

You don't say how old you are but I think it highly likely that you will orgasm one day and then wonder what all the fuss was about.

I'm 28 and been with my partner for 5 years, and I started having sex at 16.

I am not on any medication.

It's only just really started to get to me and frustrated me that it has never happened!
I do know that the pressure that I'm putting on myself isn't helping. So am trying to not make a big deal of it. I didn't used to have this pressure on myself of course though, and it didn't happen back then either though, so can't just be the pressure!

Thank you for the kind replies.

That must be hard OP. Admittedly I had my first decent one with a small clit wand, sorry to be so crude. Once I experienced the first they came easier. I
I think there may be a medical reason considering you have tried lots of way.

The njoy wand sorted mine out 💃

You do NOT need medication, nor do you need to see the GP! I didn’t have my first orgasm until 29, and I did have sex, and mastubate. I just needed a different vibrater and time alone to practise. I’ve got the knack ‘down’ now, my record is under 2mins from start to finish! Watching porn made a huge difference for me though too. I can orgasm with a man there too but only with the vibrater still and it’s a lot more difficult.

You’re not alone. I’m 27 and am in exactly the same shoes as you OP.

Have you tried reading any erotic literature?

Do you ever enjoy something so much you seriously consider killing him if he stops? If so, keep going and dont stop if you feel like you're going to pee. You won't.

Try erotic literature

I had my first orgasm when I was 14 and wondered what the fuck was happening

It was nice though

Sign up for a website called omgyes (it isn't porn), see if that helps

Does your partner know, or do you let him think otherwise?

I was 31 and married. Had been with my husband for 5 years at that stage. I’d faked my whole sexually active life.

I actually posted on here about it the following morning

Is this a thread for people to share their first orgasm stories and/or orgasm inducing techniques?

I'm guessing yes.

Aren't there better websites than Mumsnet to ask on?

I'm with you OP! feels like I'll never get there... very jealous of men who have a much easier path to orgasm

Research Betty Dodson vids on youtube. She holds workshops for women in exactly your position. Her advice led me to finally orgasm in my 30s!

Should this be in AIBU?

Wouldn't the sex topic get more effective answers?

I don't see why the OP can't post in AIBU, it's an issue lots of women have faced and she has had some useful answers!

(I was 28 btw... I think quite a few women are late developers in this respect.)

It's not unreasonable to have never had an orgasm though is it?

The question doesn't even make any sense.

I often wonder what people think the AIBU topic is actually here for.

I don't see why the OP can't post in AIBU

Well because AIBU is for whether or not you're unreasonable, and the OP blatantly isn't. May as well post it in Travel, it would be just as relevant. Or the dedicated Sex topic, which would seem sensible, no?

OP - you're not abnormal at all, but if it bothers you then I'd approach a professional therapist.

How good was the vibrator?

Many cheaper ones are no good for some people.

You need something that's rechargeable (not batteries) or mains powered would be ideal.

Please try one of these, a pair of AAs is probably not enough