To Tell Work I Can't Do This

[HotelRedFace]

A year ago I started a new job. I have always worked in administrative roles, but this was in an entirely new industry as I was completely jaded from 15 years of working in sales and I wanted to do something more "people-focussed." I have had a great first year with excellent performance reviews and have really enjoyed the varied challenges that the job brings.

Before Christmas my manager approached me about the possibility of undertaking an apprenticeship through work. This would mean I learn a new skill and gain a qualification whilst continuing to work full-time and it seemed like a great opportunity. It is fully funded by my employer and I agreed that I would like to do it without being given too much more information.

However, I am now due to start it next week and I am really scared. I am working full time and also care for elderly grandparents with no other family support. My husband is disabled, and whilst I wouldn't say I am a carer to him, this does leave me in a position where 90% of the housework and the running of the house (finances, etc) comes down to me.

The more I think about it, the more I just cannot see how I have the time to also undertake the studying required for this apprenticeship. Nobody has been able to give me an idea of how many hours per week of private study I am going to need to undertake, but I have been given estimates of between 14 and 25 hours per week. At the moment I am at work for 40 hours per week. I then spend two evenings and one weekend day at my grandparents every week and, I know this sounds bad, but I really am person who needs my sleep to function so getting up even earlier or pulling late nights to manage is going to destroy my already slightly fragile mental health.

I know that I should have thought about this more before I agreed to it, but now I am scared that I am too far in to withdraw from the apprenticeship. I have a 37 page preparatory module that I am meant to have completed by Thursday and I am only about 5 pages into it. Every time I even think about it I feel sick and I really don't know where to start. I haven't undertaken anything academic since I left college 15 years ago and I feel utterly lost. I really don't think this is for me.

On the other hand I am aware that a year is really not that long time be in a job and I am scared that I will make myself look bad if I say I don't want to do this. I am aware that it is an opportunity that a lot of people would kill for but I honestly don't think I can do it. Plus everyone I work with knows I am doing it and so I would have to explain to everyone why I have quit. I work with a lot of highly qualified and very academic people so I think they will think very badly of me for not taking up this opportunity.

I am off work sick today with a migraine which I am sure has been brought on through not sleeping properly and worrying about this. I really don't know what to do and I just feel so desperate. I love my job and I don't want to lose it or have to look for a new one, but at the moment I feel like quitting is my only way out

I am doing an MBA through the apprenticeship scheme and could have listed all the reasons why I wouldn't be able to do it. I thought, sod it, I'll give it a try. Not that far in but I am finding the time for it and haven't missed a deadline yet - why not try? If it really is too much you can stop?

@Neverender thank you for replying. Can I ask how many hours per week you are spending outside of your working hours on it? This is the bit that worries me most. Thank you.

Have you received any info or paperwork from your employer explaining how the whole apprenticeship sponsorship programme works? I wonder if, for example, they would allow you to take study days?

Thinking about it, do you know whether they would require you to pay them back for the course if you don't complete it? Might be something to consider.

I work from home once a week and manage to do mostly all the work needed in that day (and manage everything else needed in my role), but I do have a great deal of control over my work schedule; for example, I create my own deadlines for work.

I'd say roughly 8hrs. Have work explained that if it's an apprenticeship you'll have 20% of your time from work? Mine is formal and I have to document it on timesheets.

I'd go along to the induction (if there is one) and they'll tell you loads more information.

I also have a 2yr old and a house to run!

Do you have a tutor you could discuss the assignment with to clarify what you should be doing?

OP, is it the business and admin apprenticeship?

I did this one through work a few years ago and honestly, it was the easiest course I've ever undertaken. I did everything in my lunch hour at work and never spent a minute on it after work hours, I never felt the need to and I met my deadlines and got through it no problem.

I found you have quite a lot of tutor guidence so I never really felt like I was 'studying' for a test or anything.

All meetings with tutor etc... Were done in works time as they were covering the course so never had to meet them on my own time.

I'm sure it completely depends on the course you're doing but just my experience of it.

I think it's important not to neglect your own personal development while becoming overburdened by obligations to others.

Can you and your husband and grandparents together afford to pay for some help to take the weight off you a bit? A cleaner for your house and your grandparents', someone to do their shopping, if you've been doing that, or professional carers if that's what they need? Then you could still visit the same number of days, but just have a cup of tea and a chat and get away sooner, rather than spend a whole day or evening.

I have done qualifications while working and have always been given study days to use when assignments were due in. Has that been clarified OP?

Oh you poor thing! You do sound like you could do with extra support at home... have you looked into this?
I am just saying because you may be looking at the problem the wrong way round. I am sorry you have to care for grandparents AND a disabled husband.
This is way too much. I think you should maybe contact the Carer's Association for help and support or CAB...?

I also think buying in help would be a good solution. You have been given a great opportunity and it would be sad to waste it because of looking after other people and the house, when you could find people to take the pressure off.

I’m disabled. I was really really ill before an operation last year and am still recovering. I’m still far too ill to work and expect to always be so. My dh was made redundant just after my op. Perfect timing. He seriously considered becoming my carer. But I wanted more for him and for us and he has found a good job - I also need to be alone to rest so this decision was also about me. I imagine your family would also want the same for you.

are work giving you time during working hours to.study? they should be I think.

Both of my DDs have done apprenticeships through work and they were given TOIL for doing coursework/study etc. They don't expect you to study at home on top of your full hours, don't worry. It sounds like a really good opportunity and there are always reasons why we feel we can't challenge ourselves.

Can you explain all of this to your manager and see if the company can offer you some study days?
Most good companies do this so yours probably does.
Firstly though, you really need to understand what kind of time commitment you are looking at.

My comment would be that you never actually have to do as much study as they say you do. i.e. DONT try and read EVERYTHING. If you can be clever about how you study and what you read you won't need to spend as many hours as they say.

Easy to say of course hard to do...

I say do it. And it might make you make some decisions to get some extra help with the responsibilities you have!

Ok. Lots of thoughts and suggestions - thank you!

@bassackwards I haven't been given much information with regard to funding. My understanding is that my employer has to pay an apprenticeship levy and are looking to have apprentices to make sure that they are getting something back for their money. Nothing has been said about having to pay anything back if we don't complete it. Surely I would have had to sign something showing I agree to it if this is the case?

@Neverender I have had the 20% explained to me and there is an online system to record this, but it has also been made clear that as this is a Level 4 apprenticeship we will be expected to study in our personal time too. Eight hours a week would just about be mangeable but anymore than that and I think I am going to start to sink. I haven't met the tutor yet. Just been sent this long preparation document that I have to complete before the first session. I did go to the induction session but it wasn't really an opportunity to gain information or ask questions as it was assumed that we were all already committed by that point so it was just an opportunity to fill in the forms and get us enrolled.

@Peanutss it is not that apprenticeship. I don't want to say which one it is as it will be too identifying of anyone I work with ends up reading this! Tutor meetings will be held during my work hours but they don't count towards the 20% off the job so they are another squeeze on my time!

@MartaHallard, @ShowMeTheKittens and @mummyoflittledragon we are not in a position to be able to buy in any help. I really wish we could as this would make life so much easier generally. I really do take on board the point about not neglecting personal development and that's why I agreed to this in the first place, but I am just not sure that this is the right time for me to be trying to develop myself! There are other shorter courses at work and conferences I could go on to develop myself professionally if I wasn't doing this, but my manager seems absolutely hell-bent that this is the right option for me.

@ApolloandDaphne and @Di11y there has been no mention of study days. I have the 20% off the job time but this will be spent doing specific work that the tutor has assigned for that week and will not allow time for me to undertake the personal study that is required, write my assignments, etc. They were clear about this when I asked at the information session.

@CatnissEverdene do you mind me asking if you know what level apprenticeships your daughters did. This one is Level 4 which is the same as the first year of a degree and we are told that we are expected to treat it like doing a degree with regard to private study, etc. There has been no mention of TOIL or any breaks from work to study. There is a one week period of intensive study before the final exams at the end of the second year but we have been told that we need to make sure we keep a week of annual leave to take for that.

I still feel really uncertain and I think if I am totally honest with myself I'm just not particularly ambitious. I enjoy my job and i earn enough that we can pay the bills, eat and go on holiday once a year. It probably makes me a really hopeless case but I've never really aspired to more than that in life.

Sympathies OP, I can feel the panic coming from your post. My advice would be to take it in small steps, don't worry too much about completing the whole course now, maybe just tell yourself you are going to attend the first day and take it from there? If I remember correctly, for a course to meet the government's standards as an apprenticeship (and so to qualify for funding), your work are supposed to give you the equivalent of a day a week's dedicated time to complete it (doesn't have to be in blocks of a week at a time). So unless there is a very heavy taught/classroom component they should be prepared to give you some study days for assignments/coursework.

As a manager I really wouldn't mind if one of my team members who I'd funded for a course came to me halfway through and said they needed more time, or an extension or some extra support or whatever. Or even if they needed to give up completely - particularly if they had significant other things going on in their lives and the course was much harder than they'd expected. But to be completely honest I am not sure I would be very impressed if they wanted to give up without even giving it a go having previously committed to it.

I've done various qualifications/courses on top of full time work and various personal commitments, it is tough so I do understand. You have to be prepared to relax your standards a bit both for the academic side and things like housework/cooking to manage your time effectively... the former is super tough for me as I was always a straight A student and took a lot of pride in my academic achievements, my last course I was honestly ashamed of the quality of some of the work I handed in and to my horror I failed and had to retake 2 modules, that has never happened to me before ever . But you know what, unlike my degree I am taking the courses for a defined business related purpose, not personal interest, and I passed in the end and got the qualification so aim achieved - no-one really cares about whether I got top marks. So don't worry too much if you feel a bit out of depth at first, so long as you can get up to pass standard it will be fine...

I did an AAT accounting apprenticeship through my employer. I did levels 2 and 3 as apprenticeships and I honestly didn't have to use much of my own time at all. I did 1 x day per week at college and my 4 x lunch breaks at work. I continued to level 4 which was not an apprenticeship and that's where the workload really stepped up.

I think this is a wonderful opportunity for you.

Is there any possibility of you getting some help at home which would free you up to study (& to relax)? As you are looking after grandparents and a disabled husband, you are probably entitled to carer's allowance; your grandparents could get attendance allowance too.

Please do consider it and many congratulations to you for it being offered to you. That alone is worth and .

Tutor meetings will be held during my work hours but they don't count towards the 20% off the job so they are another squeeze on my time!

Yes, it will eat into your working day, but, critically not the 20% you will get towards studying - this is a good thing!

Just saw your update and that it's Level 4 that you're doing, sorry.

Also, I didn't have to agree to repay if I didn't complete, but I did have to sign an agreement that if I left within 2 years of completion I would have to reimburse my employer the total cost.

An apprenticeship should include 20% of your time ‘off the job’, learning
Your employer needs to demonstrate that the programme allows this.
You should therefore be able to undertake some study in work hours if your time in formal training (eg classroom, e-learning) doesn’t hit this threshold

Really good advice on here but i would say that if you really 100% feel you can't manage it go to your boss and explain that there has been an unforeseen change in your family / home life which means you really can't commit to studying at this moment in time but you'd really like to be considered for it at a later date when your circumstances change. You don't have to give any more specific information that that - if asked just say you'd rather not talk about it.

I think you should look upon it as a great opportunity. You may find once you start you are really enjoying it and look forward to seeing it as "you time".
I think at the moment it's coming under another chore in your head. This could be the start of an amazing path.
I always think things happen for a reason and you won't know until you try.
Best of luck OP.

I can feel your panic . Give it a go though , at the moment it’s all supposition . This is an opportunity for you to be more qualified and demand a higher salary ; to have more spare money and buy in more help . To improve your quality of life.

Giving up on this opportunity without trying may not be perceived well by your employer . If you try and struggle , they are much more likely to try and help you , especially in light of your personal circumstances. They have seen something in you that makes them think you are a good candidate for this opportunity , even if you can’t see it yourself.

Good luck OP x

Leaving aside anything else, I think you need to think about ongoing commitment to DGPs--esp as you already have quite hefty domestic responsibilities.
Someone I know had a great-aunt who never married because his DGGM put emotional pressure on her daughter "Say you'll never leave me". DGGM eventually died at 101!

While it's natural to want to helpparticularly if it's expected to be time-limited, notably terminal illnessyours is quite a hefty chunk of time to be doing indefinitely and to the exclusion of developing your life.