A year ago I started a new job. I have always worked in administrative roles, but this was in an entirely new industry as I was completely jaded from 15 years of working in sales and I wanted to do something more "people-focussed." I have had a great first year with excellent performance reviews and have really enjoyed the varied challenges that the job brings.
Before Christmas my manager approached me about the possibility of undertaking an apprenticeship through work. This would mean I learn a new skill and gain a qualification whilst continuing to work full-time and it seemed like a great opportunity. It is fully funded by my employer and I agreed that I would like to do it without being given too much more information.
However, I am now due to start it next week and I am really scared. I am working full time and also care for elderly grandparents with no other family support. My husband is disabled, and whilst I wouldn't say I am a carer to him, this does leave me in a position where 90% of the housework and the running of the house (finances, etc) comes down to me.
The more I think about it, the more I just cannot see how I have the time to also undertake the studying required for this apprenticeship. Nobody has been able to give me an idea of how many hours per week of private study I am going to need to undertake, but I have been given estimates of between 14 and 25 hours per week. At the moment I am at work for 40 hours per week. I then spend two evenings and one weekend day at my grandparents every week and, I know this sounds bad, but I really am person who needs my sleep to function so getting up even earlier or pulling late nights to manage is going to destroy my already slightly fragile mental health.
I know that I should have thought about this more before I agreed to it, but now I am scared that I am too far in to withdraw from the apprenticeship. I have a 37 page preparatory module that I am meant to have completed by Thursday and I am only about 5 pages into it. Every time I even think about it I feel sick and I really don't know where to start. I haven't undertaken anything academic since I left college 15 years ago and I feel utterly lost. I really don't think this is for me.
On the other hand I am aware that a year is really not that long time be in a job and I am scared that I will make myself look bad if I say I don't want to do this. I am aware that it is an opportunity that a lot of people would kill for but I honestly don't think I can do it. Plus everyone I work with knows I am doing it and so I would have to explain to everyone why I have quit. I work with a lot of highly qualified and very academic people so I think they will think very badly of me for not taking up this opportunity.
I am off work sick today with a migraine which I am sure has been brought on through not sleeping properly and worrying about this. I really don't know what to do and I just feel so desperate. I love my job and I don't want to lose it or have to look for a new one, but at the moment I feel like quitting is my only way out 