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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings.

58 replies

mazzab10 · 22/01/2019 10:17

Myself and dp have been engaged jay over 2 years and get married this summer. Wedding will have been booked 2 and a half years by time we get married. We have saved every penny to make our day what we want and with it on the horizon we are excited and can't wait.

This weekend his younger cousin got engaged. Genuinely delighted for her and her partner. However we had decided to get married very quickly, this April in fact. Our stag and hen nights are about the same time as the would be wedding. We are both a tad miffed. We feel she is trying to beat us to the alter. She's never wanted for anything and even brags how she the most qualified member of the family.
AIBU

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 22/01/2019 11:25

I just feel if was us we'd wait at least until after my big cousins wedding

TBH you're not important in her scheme of things - your side of the family accounts for a possible one quarter of her family guests. Plus his/her friends and colleagues.

Im afraid I wouldnt be giving my cousins a second though when booking a wedding. They're just not that important.

Pinkyyy · 22/01/2019 11:25

Time and time again this happens.

OP: AIBU?
MN: yes
OP: you're all bullies and I'm deleting the thread.

Piffle11 · 22/01/2019 11:26

Whatever you do, don't share any ideas you have for your day. I had a few ideas nicked by a couple who got engaged after us but married a few months before us. Yes I know I don't 'own' the band we booked, but fgs, to have the same band playing the same set to the same group of our friends a few months apart … I felt a bit cheated, as I'd done a lot of research to find them and wish I'd not shared. Didn't think for a moment they would have used them too.

FuckOffMeadowSoprano · 22/01/2019 11:26

I've just re-read the thread and cannot see that a single person has been "nasty".

BeanTownNancy · 22/01/2019 11:33

Maybe she's pregnant? Or maybe she wants to be soon? Maybe life is too short to put on hold just because you think someone might complain that a little bit of their thunder has been stolen? It's obviously not going to be the same kind of wedding at all if they've only got a couple of months to plan so I don't see how it's going to have any effect on your life at all.

BigusBumus · 22/01/2019 11:34

So you go on AIBU (which you are) and don't like the answers so flounce off? Hahahaha

shpoot · 22/01/2019 11:36

"Big cousin"

You sound very young and childish. Of course they can get married when they like! Nobody has been nasty to you. Just honest.

ErickBroch · 22/01/2019 11:37

Weird, YABU.

elvis86 · 22/01/2019 11:39

YABU.

If your wedding is in summer and your hen and stags are "around the same time" as their wedding in April, you're basically expecting the other couple to write off this year unless they want a winter wedding?

The bride may well have cousins from her other parent that she doesn't share with your partner, plus her fiance will likely have cousins of his own. Then there's friends. It's often unrealistic to try and avoid the same year as anyone else you know.

If anything, they're robbing themselves of the chance of too much fuss / build-up by choosing to get married within 3 months.

It's not a race. You sound a bit immature, to be honest.

Romanov · 22/01/2019 11:41

YABVU

You don't own the year.

However, if she is a copier, start dropping hints about the brass band you have booked, and all the other wacky eccentric expensive things you will be doing at your wedding

Ladyoftheloch · 22/01/2019 11:46

In the nicest possible way OP, get a grip. You will still have your day regardless of when she has hers. You get a wedding day not a wedding year! And if you hadn’t had such a incredibly long engagement you would have been married well before her. It was your choice to take that time - inevitable that it would lead some people to beat you to it.

So yes - in myriad ways you are being unreasonable.

PinkGin24 · 22/01/2019 11:48

YABVU... When I read the opening of this I thought this was going to be they had booked on the same day!? She is well within her right too book her wedding whenever she wants.

Tinkerbell89 · 22/01/2019 11:49

I feel your annoyance this happened to us. DH cousin got engaged and set the date a month before ours even though we had been engaged first and set the date, booked the venue. I was so angry. However their wedding in my opinion was not as great or thought through or planned so well as they rushed it. Each wedding will be different and everyone knows your situation and you already had it planned, they will see what's going on. Don't let it ruin your excitement

user1474894224 · 22/01/2019 11:51

My cousin did this to me. She actually booked her wedding for the weekend before ours! I knew what she was doing - so did she. However, I just had a laugh with my friends about it. She asked me to be BM. I accepted. In the long run - I split up with my fiance before my wedding. She did have a fabulous day - but is now divorced. She is still my cousin, we still get on well, there is still a competitive edge...and looking back it's very lucky the two weddings didn't go ahead so close together. You have a few months between the weddings. Don't fuss over it.

WaxMyBalls · 22/01/2019 11:52

You're being ridiculous. Getting married before you isn't a lack of consideration. You don't own 2019.

KC225 · 22/01/2019 11:58

Will people pull out of the hen and stags to go to the wedding? Is that what you are worried about? Was she invited to your hen night?

Pinkyyy · 22/01/2019 12:49

I doubt OP will be back ...

thecatsthecats · 22/01/2019 12:56

If you think that's bad OP, my friend used the same venue as our other friend - in the middle of said friend's divorce. Oh, and she asked all the rest of that particular group except this girl to bridesmaid for her, so I supported her on the day (not as close to her as the others).

BigusBumus · 22/01/2019 13:01

My 2 first-cousins got married two weeks apart. It was actually great fun to go to both and there was no comparison going on.

One was a village church wedding with marquee in the garden and parking in a farmers field. (Quite posh though). And the other was a country-house hotel do all in the one venue.

Both were great and my cousins didn't mind a bit!

You need to stop being precious. People get married all the time, even people that know each other and even people in the same family.

Carnivaloftheanimals · 22/01/2019 13:33

It's perfectly normal for there to be a sudden glut of weddings in a family as siblings and cousins all hit the late twenties/early thirties mark. If everyone had to leave a 'respectable' difference between weddings the last couple to get engaged would be left waiting years for their big day.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/01/2019 13:37

I'm going to delete this thread just read the comments properly.

You mean you don't like the replies. If you just wanted everyone to agree with you you should have said. Hmm

You chose to have a long engagment. They have chose not to.

YABU.

HomeMadeMadness · 22/01/2019 13:42

YADBU. If she really is planning her entire wedding around upstaging you then more fool her. As long as her wedding isn't the same weekend as yours it's not an issue. Your wedding is about having a lovely day with your family and friends not competing with anyone over who got married first or had the poshest reception.

In terms of your other guests I'm sure they're very happy for you but they'll have stopped talking or thinking about your wedding within days of it happening (with the exception of parents and siblings who will be more interested in your wedding than your cousins anyway). So it really doesn't matter if there's another wedding a few weeks before or after yours.

Sparklesocks · 22/01/2019 13:43

I don't think that's fair, maybe if she'd chosen the same month/week as you it would be dodgy, but she's a few months ahead of you - the weddings are in different seasons.
I know it's your wedding and you most likely spend a lot of time/effort thinking and planning at the moment but the reality is it's nowhere near as big a thing to others as it is to you two.

DonCorleoneTheThird · 22/01/2019 13:52

Didn't realise Mumsnet could be so nasty!!

oh dear, that gives an entire new light to your post. If you ask if you are BU and people reply Yes, it's not teen online bullying you know. We've got a bridezilla in the room! Grin

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/01/2019 14:00

Our stag and hen nights are about the same time as the would be wedding.

Would be wedding? If it's not a set date fair enough, otherwise that's not a positive statement either OP. They have chosen a different timescale to you, that's their prerogative. How closely does it clash with your planned parties?

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