To take the day off?

[PlsPlsPls]

Posting here for traffic rather than on MH board.

My mental health has been in steady decline for a while now. I've felt like I'm losing it on a fair few occasions, been feeling suicidal and been self-harming (not the cutting kind, but there are other ways).

I started a new job a few months ago and I'm still in the probationary period. If I take the day off it would be my third period of illness (the others lasted 1-2 days each as I was conscious about getting into work again asap) and it could trigger all sorts of things; my attendance has previously been raised as a concern, even though otherwise my boss is very happy with my work.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back and I realised upon waking up this morning that I really need help. I am even ready to take medication - something I have always refused - just to get some clarity back in my life. I have a family and mortgage. I want to phone my GP first thing and try to get help through a crisis team if necessary.

I worry about taking the day off and if SS get involved if I actually talk about how I feel openly with someone. I worry I will lose my job, but feel like I cannot go through another day and wait; I would have to work late tonight as well and I have an important deadline tomorrow.

WIBU to take the day off? I really cannot tell.

No wonder you are suffering, working such long hours with no breaks for food, drinks or a wee. That is shocking.

I wouldn't go back to that job. No one should be working 10 hours with no break. Forget them. Make sure you get all wages etc owed and walk away with your head held high. Your health is the number 1 thing that is important. See the doc - get help. Focus on YOU.

Hope you get seen soon and get some help.

Sadly, a lot of people on MN don't realise just how shitty employee rights are now in a lot of places and how things have declined in the past 10 years or so. Yes, it may be illegal and all sorts but it doesn't stop employers from behaving like that and when you need money you put up with it.

It may be illegal and we may have stated break times, but realistically, no, I would not have a break. I do not eat or drink at work and thus usually avoid needing the loo as well.

I find that hard to believe, unless you're an A&E worker or similar. You must have a bladder of steel!

If it's true, I wouldn't do your job, that's for sure. What is your job anyway?

But YABU. Much as I understand your anxiety - You have a deadline. This is your 3rd absence in a short space of time. You're new to the job. You haven't (and have refused to?) discuss your illness with your manager. Don't expect work to be happy with you if you go back.

well it's true that taking a 3rd sickness absence during probation would probably lead to you failing probation.

I would suggest that you write an email in which you resign from the job effective immediately, but cite the reason that the work environment is toxic and illegal. say your mental health is being severely damaged by their unreasonable culture and you will will be reporting their illegal practices to the appropriate authorities. meanwhile you have NP choice but to be absent today as you have to phone your GP during their opening hours urgently, and the toxic office culture makes a simple piece of life a management like this impossible.

you clearly can't sustain this job anyway so might as well go out with a bang.

But YABU. Much as I understand your anxiety - You have a deadline. This is your 3rd absence in a short space of time. You're new to the job. You haven't (and have refused to?) discuss your illness with your manager. Don't expect work to be happy with you if you go back.

She's not just anxious. She's borderline suicidal.

Sadly I do not find the lack of breaks surprising at all. I've seen this in many places where outwardly they talk about health and wellbeing but conveniently ignore expectations of working through lunch and taking work calls at nights and weekends. It's a cultural thing often and perhaps people at the top do not even know the extent of it that happens.

Anyway OP, your primary responsibility is to your family not an employer. If you quit today they would find somebody else within days/weeks to fill your role. To your family and friends your are irreplaceable.

Someone who is suicidal is not just anxious. I've been that sick before, cyclical panic attacks and unable to sleep and it also let me to attempt suicide. I just hope you get help fast, OP.

Are the lack of breaks imposed by your employer or by yourself?

Sorry. Bad choice of word. I understand the severity of the OPs MH condition, and her job must be at least partly the cause of it.

I'd do what Pea suggests I think. Get out of the job while it's your choice to do so. See a doctor. Get yourself better.

I have managed to get an appointment this morning. Thank you to everyone who contributed.

I'm so glad, PI. Try to look after yourself.

"Are the lack of breaks imposed by your employer or by yourself?"

There are ways employers can make it very difficult for you to have breaks without actually explicitly saying that.

I used to end up doing nine hours without a break, because lack of staff meant I couldn't leave the department until someone was sent to relieve me. I was being bullied, I suspect that sometimes I was deliberately being denied breaks, just as I was deliberately kept late, or accused of being late when I wasn't.

And, yes, I could have just gone on break anyway, but then I'd have been called back. If I left the building I'd have got a right bollocking for it, and my time in work would have been made even worse.

One day I walked out and didn't go back. Best decision I ever made.

The break issue is quite a simple one. Break times are the only times I get a chance to catch up with colleagues on things we work on together and most of the time we are still technically on-call for any issues, which arise - which is pretty much all the time. Imagine being a manager in a retail unit, who is on till duty during defined hours, but, having no staff room or back room to hide in in their "breaks", is finding themselves constantly needing to deal with customers who cannot find the parsley or who don't know how to operate the self-service units. Then before and after work hours needs to sort window displays and show junior members of staff how the job works. That kind of job, does that make sense?

I get it @PlsPlsPls - don't worry about justifying yourself to the Mumsnet Masses, just look after yourself and make sure you get the help you need from your GP

I hope you're feeling a little better knowing that help is coming (in the form of the GP) make sure you lay it all out for them so you get the right help, right now

x

It makes perfect sense OP. Those that scoff that its hard to believe unless a dr or a&e - youre having a laugh, it happens everywhere, all the time in many jobs. Staff are pushed to breaking point due to cut backs and no recruitment. Long hours, impossible to take breaks and even eat or drink. Its not good, but it happens.so many staff are being let down and unsupported.

I will need to speak to work tomorrow, partially because I have access to private health insurance through them. I will need to see whether they cover the cost of therapy as well as the medication I got today. But how do you broach the "I'm mentally and emotionally at rock bottom" conversation with people you barely know?

@PlsPlsPls to manage your expectations depending on the cover a lot of companies do not cover pre existing conditions. You may not be able to claim.

Wouldn't you just approach the insurance company to make a claim for treatment? My company has no involvement whatsoever in approving treatment I just approached insurance company directly . Might be worth checking before you worry about what to tell who? As for how you explain what's going on it is extremely hard but it has to be done for you to access help. Think of it like ripping off a plaster. Is there anyone at all in the company that you trust that can support you?

to manage your expectations depending on the cover a lot of companies do not cover pre existing conditions. You may not be able to claim.

All the providers of private healthcare through work that we've had, have covered pre existing conditions so hopefully they will. But I've never had one that covers the cost of medication and I've had private prescriptions ranging from a few pounds to thousands.

I hope you get the help you need OP.

My direct manager is nice enough; I am sure she would support me. The HR person is also in charge of insurance details. Currently overthinking everything, sorry. It's been a tiring day.

Currently overthinking everything, sorry. It's been a tiring day.

If the overthinking is to do with what to say to work, try writing some points down so that you don't keep going over and over it. I hope you manage to relax a little later and sleep.

@Perfectly1mperfect depends if the plan is fully underwritten or on a moratorium basis. If it's moratorium (and the majority are), there are strict guidelines as the when the conditions were last experienced. For example you cannot claim in the first two years for conditions suffered with the last five years.

I completely agree writing things down can be very useful. If i am overwhelmed I write down everything that goes through my head in a stream of consciousness. Then I can usually make more sense of things.